What’s the Most Powerful Decision You Can Make When Facilitating With Someone Very Different?

by Reid on April 9, 2020

What’s the Most Powerful Decision You Can Make When Facilitating With Someone Very Different?





Reid: What’s the most powerful choice you can make as an educator when you’re co-facilitating with somebody who’s very different than you? This is Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/ and also creator of http://www.sexgeeksummercamp.com/

Kamala: Yay!

Reid: and I’m with Kamala Devi of http://www.kamaladevi.com/ perhaps you’ve seen her work on such amazing shows as ShowTime, Polyamorous, Married and Dating or perhaps you’ve attended one of her amazing workshops or even read one of her books which what number book is this?

Kamala: It’s like four, yeah.

Reid: This is the fourth book. So hello everyone! Its Kamala Devi say hi!

Kamala: Hello!

Reid: And if I’m wearing the sex geek summer camp t-shirt you know that this is actually business advice and you and I’ve co-taught a lot of different things and you co-teach with tons of other educators and tantra and…..and personal development in all kinds of things.

Kamala: We’re poly teachers

Reid: Yup.

Kamala: and we like to mix it up.

Reid: You are a slutty….slutty teacher promiscuous and poly. So my question which is just because I have you here and we can talk about this advice on educators who are considering co-teaching or are co-teaching and they’re teaching with somebody who just has a very different personality or even advice for when both people are exactly the same what are your

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid:  What’s your take on that?

Kamala: And I mean before even getting into that there’s the same principle of like partner selection. It applies to teacher you want to select teachers that are you know ideally

Reid: Right.

Kamala: bringing out the best in each other

Reid: Take your species.

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid: Okay.

Kamala: So apply Reid’s you know mantra cha….“work is well” and then regardless of whether you selected here on stage with or not you want to look at staying true to yourself so as different as they may be and as tempting as it is to be like “ooh, how can I compliment this person or what can I do to like you know to…to show them up?” It’s so much more powerful when you get really centered and you say “this is who I am. This is what I have to share” and then you end up not losing yourself and being co-dependent with your teacher.

Reid: And what would be some signs or clues around that you might be co-dependent in a co-dependent dynamic and not have noticed it?

Kamala: Yeah. It’s really easy to slip in especially when you’re on stage and….and….and all of a sudden you’re focused on your teacher. If you’re thinking more about how they’re presenting and how that’s affecting you and you’re thinking less about “what I’m here to do?” Which is deliver

Reid: And you’re and

Kamala: content

Reid: to your

Kamala: and serve my

Reid:  attendees.

Kamala: Yeah, participants in that moment you’ve lost your center because

Reid: Okay.

Kamala: you know when you’re on stage, you’re in service and if you’re distracted by your relationship dynamics it’s like “how’s that serving the group?”

Reid: Okay, and then how….what would be some signals aside from you’re totally focused on your dynamic or on your attendees, how do you know when it’s a healthy co-relationship or signals that you would know when you’re considering working with somebody that its healthy before you didn’t taught together?

Kamala: Right.

Reid: Like how it….advice?

Kamala: This is this is a really tricky one because sometimes you’re like “oh my god, we get along so well in writing books, we’re like great in our friends”

Reid: Until we teach

Kamala: and then you get on stage together you’re like “oh my, that’s a whole dynamic.” I think what we’re doing right now which is like teaching in front of a camera is kind of a good safe test because people aren’t you know like having to

Reid: “Oh, that’s good.”

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid: Okay.

Kamala: It’s like this is like a screen test.

Reid: So you don’t have to write an entire book together to figure out if it’s a good fit, you don’t have to run a three-day workshop just

Kamala: And have

Reid: that’s actually

Kamala: participants pay

Reid: this is this is a good idea

Kamala: like paying to audition on you know a co-teacher it’s like “no, just test it out on screen.”

Reid: You could also even do it if you’re distance this is actually really good suggestion not that I’m surprised about [Inaudible 00:03:59] you could teach something via Skype

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid:  and do like the split screen

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid: recording kind of thing

Kamala: Oh, that’s good.

Reid: So you wouldn’t even have to be in the same place

Kamala: Yeah.

Reid: you could lead a teleclass together although teleclass might not be the most powerful

Kamala: Yeah

Reid: co-teaching

Kamala: and….and people have different personalities on the phone than they do in person.

Reid: Okay.

Kamala: And some people aren’t good on camera that’s another thing like I’ve got I’ve got a girl friend who’s phenomenal international you get her on camera and she shrinks.

Reid: Okay.

Kamala: So it’s not a perfect test but you definitely want to start small don’t go “oh, let’s co-teach together let’s do a week-long event” it’s like no start with an afternoon if you’ve never taught with someone.

Reid: Okay and then finally you maybe you didn’t follow this advice because you….you it’s too late you…. you’re watching this post doing it, two bits of advice for when you’re actually teaching live and it’s imploding because of the…the dynamic right

Kamala: Right

Reid: Like what would you do?

Kamala: Right. So it’s….it’s such a tricky balance because the….the director and me is like the “show must go on” you know and authenticity like the performance artist and me is like at that moment you like may want to own it and say “wow, I’m you know and transparently share with the group. I’m noticing that we are working out our kinks working together so let’s do some damage control.”

Reid: I want to shoot a second video ‘coz I want I’m going to…..we’re going to pause on this

Kamala: Okay.

Reid: we’re coming back in a second video for exactly what to do when you’re co-teaching and it is imploding ‘coz this is a good conversation

Kamala: some damage control

Reid: between you and I not that that’s ever happened

Kamala: between us

Reid: between us

Kamala: although if you have seen the iron slut I’d say this

Reid: sex educator showdown

Kamala: Yeah, there’s some

Reid: Yeah.

Kamala: some almost ex….expressions

Reid: no….no it’s just…. you surprised me.

Kamala: Alright.

Reid: And I’ll try to link to that video here because it’s hilarious. Okay, we’re coming right back. Leave your comments and your thoughts. Thank you. B….bye!

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