Celebrating Birthdays, Embracing Boldness, and Walking Towards Authenticity

by Reid on January 26, 2024

Would you do me a favor, SexGeek?

It’s my birthday weekend and I want to extend a unique invitation to YOU—one that turns the tradition of birthday wishes on its head.

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You see, as the birthday boy, I’m using my special day as an excuse for YOU to ask for what YOU want. Consider it a birthday gift from me to you, granting permission to be bold, courageous, and vulnerable.

I’m asking that YOU use my birthday as an excuse to ask for what YOU want! 🎉🎉🎉

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Yep. You have my blessing! So, when someone asks, just tell them, “It’s Reid’s birthday wish that I ask for what I want!”

I’d love to hear from you about what you’ve asked for or are contemplating. Your boldness would be the perfect gift, and I’d be honored to cheer you on. No pressure, of course!

Now, onto the birthday festivities! 🥳🥳🥳

🎂 What’s Reid Doing for His Birthday? 🎂

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Over the next two weeks, I am…

  • Seeing several lovers…
  • Attending several play parties…
  • Having 1-on-1 time with Allison on my actual birthday…
  • Gearing up to teach some fun workshops!

As a polyamorous, queer, sex geeky slut… Trying to see all of my lovers for my birthday means truly leaning into the concept of having a “Birthday Month” and spreading out the festivities. But remember, the most important thing is for you to be yourself and live a life that nourishes you. Trying to be a carbon copy of “how Reid does it” might not be the right fit for who YOU are.

Use my stories and sharing as inspiration to discover what brings you joy and pleasure. I wish for you the courage to be fully expressed without shame —or less shame, at least and to surround yourself with people who love you for being wonderfully yourself. 

You. Do. You. 

It’s scary becoming MORE yourself, but it’s worth it. 

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How Sexual Shame Helped
Me Find Myself…

How did I get to be boldy me? I owe a lot of that to play parties, my birthday, and my sexual shame.

My first play party happened 24 years ago, New Year’s Eve 1999 turning into 2000, and it changed my life. It wasn’t a planned play party. It happened accidentally and I was terrified AND blown away. I discovered that night how much I LOVED being in consensual, group sexual situations with my friends.

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And that discovery brought up a lot of shame for me. Was it okay that I liked being erotic with my friends SO MUCH? How could I be sure my friends wanted the same things as me? Was I too sexual? Did I have commitment issues? Was I a sex addict? Etc, etc.

Remember, this was 20+ years ago. I was in my early 30s and decades away from turning into the sex geek I am today. I was thrilled at my discovery but also deeply conflicted.

As someone who had a lot of sexual shame back then (and still does, believe it or not), play parties were a place where I could explore the kinds of sex I wanted. Play parties were a place where I could dip my toe into the things I was too ashamed to ask for… As me and my friends discovered our sex geeky sides, my friends (many who had less shame than I did) would notice me hesitate to ask for what I wanted and they would call bullshit on me and lovingly yet firmly encourage me to lean into my shame and ask for the things I was afraid to ask for. 

And one birthday, many years ago, I threw a play party where my friends challenged me to ask for what I thought no one could love me for… And surrounded by their love and support, I thought about it, grew hot with shame, opened my mouth and, with a tremble in my voice, asked for it… That challenge transformed me. 

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I learned that I become MORE of who I am by walking towards my shame, finding words for what I’m ashamed of, and sharing those desires & fears with my friends and loved ones.

And every year since, I’ve thrown a play party for my birthday where my homework is to think of something sexual I desire to experience, something I’m afraid my friends will leave me for if I ask for it.

And surrounded by their love and support, I walk towards my shame and ask for the thing… And guess what? My friends respond, “You think we’ll stop loving you for that?”

And then a handful of them say, “We’re going to do that with you right now!” while the others whisper how much they love me and that I deserve pleasure.

And in doing whatever it is, I feel my shame explode, releasing me from holding myself back, and I walk closer towards my authentic self.

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I’m not saying it’s comfortable or even easy… And maybe my way of doing things isn’t the right way for you. However, after all of these years, all these birthdays, I have some solid evidence that my friends and lovers love me for exactly who I am (even when it’s hard for me to love & accept myself).

And that’s what I wish for you for my birthday, SexGeek… That you’re surrounded by friends who will love you for exactly who you are and encourage & support you in becoming MORE of who you are.

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If you’re looking to find like-minded humans who are also walking towards their shame so they can discover MORE of who they are… Please consider joining me in one or several of my upcoming retreats and workshops.

Don’t let your shame hold you back, SexGeek! Imagine who you might be by your next birthday… What about the birthday after that? Transformation, community, and growth can be yours… But you have to start walking towards it!

Happy birthday to all of us,

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