Are You Ready For The Final Secret “C” Sauce For Your S£x Ed Business? 👀 👀 👀

by Reid on August 15, 2023

Are You Ready For The Final Secret “C” Sauce For Your S£x Ed Business?

Are you ready for the fourth and final “C”, Sex Geek?

In the first three postss of this series, we covered Competence, Courage, and Confidence… And now it’s time to reveal the 4th “C” that, combined with the others, will help you make an impact SO large, SO powerful, on your business (and the world) that you might just scare yourself! 

Scary Roy Kent freaks out Ted Lasso GIF

If you’re a fan of the show Ted Lasso, in Season 3, there is a missing 4th thing for success they allude to but don’t reveal until the final episode.

[Meta Moment: In marketing, teasing something out before you reveal/answer it is called an open loop. Open loops can pique people’s interests, build their anticipation, and encourage them to be on the lookout for a future video, email, or lesson. Open loops are very useful when used correctly, as we will discuss in Implementation Boot(y) Camp!]  

Ted Lasso Believe GIF

Believing In Your Business Isn’t Enough

Our final C is not “Believe.” Sorry Ted Lasso fans. 😭

Even though believing in your business IS a powerful concept, it doesn’t start with “C” and it isn’t the secret sauce to making your business a success.

“So what IS the business secret sauce beginning with ‘C’?” you ask…

Behold! The 4th “C” Is…

Imagine spending years pouring CompetenceCourage, and Confidence into your business… Sure you make some progress, maybe even some impressive gains, but your business doesn’t really take off the way you were hoping. You’ve been working tirelessly, making sure to aim your three “C’s” at the stars of success all those years, but you still find yourself lacking the rocket fuel to get your business off the ground and break free of the gravitational “pull” of being a one-person operation. 

It takes more than one person to build a rocket ship, Sex Geek. And, yes, I understand that not all of us are in a place business-wise where we can afford to hire a team of rocket scientists to help us!

And that’s why, to create a chemical reaction in your business that has your career skyrocketing towards making a powerful difference in the world… You need to mix in the fourth “C” — Community!

Ted Lasso all hands in locker room moment GIF

Too often in our society —I’ll speak for American society since that’s where I was born and raised— we are told we need to do it all by ourselves. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, make your mark, etc. It’s never “Have your friends help pull you up by your bootstraps,” or “Why not ask your peers to help you make your mark?”

Success in American culture (and other parts of the world, too) counts MORE if you are able to do it solo. If you become successful all by yourself, you’re somehow MORE special. 

Vibrator GIF

It’s not a perfect analogy but look at the way most folks were raised to think about sex toys in the bedroom… Somehow you’re MORE better at sex if you can have an orgasm or help someone orgasm without a vibrator… However, you don’t shame a carpenter for using a hammer to drive in a nail, right? You don’t walk by a house under construction and yell, “What’s wrong, carpenter? Can’t use your fist?” That would be absurd.

As educators, we know that “professional tools create professional results!” and we patiently & generously help our clients learn how to empower themselves with the proper support… But we’ll be the first to shame ourselves for not being able to do it all by ourselves. 

Built a successful business with help, eh? Whimp. Doesn’t count. Needed a team behind you? You’re a failure. 

Feel familiar? You’re not alone. Even I catch myself thinking like this sometimes. THAT is how powerful & deep our cultural conditioning goes.

This attitude coupled with the “figure it out yourself” messages many of us got growing up from our parents (who were likely chronically underslept and overwhelmed because THEY, too, were also supposed to do everything without help)… It’s no wonder so many of us reflexively don’t ask for help. We feel so guilty & ashamed for needing or wanting support that we keep our mouths shut and we never build camaraderie with our peers or develop the skills to foster a sense of team. 

If one carpenter with a hammer can get good work done, imagine what a team of carpenters armed with a variety of tools can accomplish… You could raise a house in a day and have plenty of time after to grab a beverage together. 

Imagine what a team of sex geeks all working together to raise their businesses could do for the sex ed world?

The American sense of individualism has warped what it means to be an entrepreneur & small business owner. It’s time to admit that the healthy choice —the real success story— is NOT doing it alone. 

Shera Princess of Power I Can't Do This Alone GIF

And this is why the fourth “C” is so damn elusive even though we see & hear “Teamwork makes the dream work!” all the time. 

What Does “Community” as a Business Owner Even Mean?

It’s hard to conceive of what community might look like in business if everything you’ve been taught growing up equates to solopreneurship.

Think about what you teach your clients about sex and pleasure… Sure, self-pleasuring is wonderful and powerful and should be explored (don’t forget your vibrator!), but you’re not a failure if you ask for a helping hand… You’re not a failure if you ENJOY many hands… Getting consensually sexy around folks you like, for some of us, IS our jam. The more the merrier! 😜

Rather than clacking away on your laptop alone on Team Solopreneur, what would it look & feel like to build your business within a co-working orgy of support & team building? 

Sense8 group hug GIF

Community in the s3x geek business world might be:

  • Encouragement
  • Feedback
  • Witnessing & Reflection
  • Brainstorming
  • Referrals
  • Networking
  • Collaboration
  • Resource and skill set sharing
  • Exchanging information about opportunities and keeping each other in the loop

If you’ve only got yourself or one bestie for all of the above, you don’t yet have community. Community means you’re bouncing ideas off of, lovingly challenging while also cheerleading, and having #BrainSex with several people simultaneously. Community means more than a dyad —or even a triad— of support-people in your professional life. 

Now, don’t get me wrong! You’re allowed to be a sole proprietor, or have a business partner, or work with a small team consisting of a handful of your closest people supporting & helping you realize your professional visions… But where is your Community with a capital “C” at?

If everyone who’s supporting you is BEING PAID BY YOU, that’s not what I mean. 

Ask yourself, “Have I been applying my CompetenceCourage, and Confidence to search for & create my extended “family” of chosen professionals?”

Where is your Peer Dream Team? Or does your “bench” (sports reference) consist only of Team Me, Myself, and I?

Me, Myself, and I GIF

If you are the team captain, manager, AND your only player… You might be missing out on the power of Community.*

Drill Flirting Goth Girl GIF

*BTW, AI doesn’t count. A carpenter can’t claim their hammer & drill as community members. And just because you gave your ChatGPT a cute name doesn’t mean you can either! #NiceTryThough

Your Survival Brain Craves Community (The RIGHT Community For YOU, That Is)

Our survival brain thrives on that feeling of being witnessed, being in the know, of having people care about & cheer on our successes AND comfort us when times are tough. We are social primates and community is key to a thriving sense of connection and support. 

Many of us were taught that the “nuclear family” is all that we need to complete us. However, most humans for most of humanity’s existence have always had MORE than 2.5 kids and a spouse. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child… So why not apply that approach to your business?

Dance troupe doing complicated move together GIF

Having Community for our businesses can give us MORE Courage & Confidence because we know we’re not alone.

Having Community builds MORE Competence FASTER because a diverse gaggle of connected people sharing their various tips and expertise upgrades the abilities and shortens the learning curves for the entire group. 

Knowing you’re not walking alone onto the playing field of business makes a POWERFUL difference. Business is a team sport and we only lose when we try to play alone. That means finding community who also understands that business is a team sport where we all win when we grow & become successful together.

Folks who are selfish, competitive in a stab-you-in-the-back sort of way, and only out to serve themselves are not the right teammates for you.

Imagine finding the right peer team… Can you hear the crowd of fans, followers, and future clients cheering you & your peer team on? I can. It’s game time and that stadium is full of people (your team included) who want YOU to win! Who’s the opponent, you ask? Easy. Sex-negativity, silence, and shame.

Soccer team entering stadium GIF

The Challenge of Finding Your Peer Team… 

Shy Asian woman GIF

The main challenge many sex geeks have with Community is 1) finding the right one and 2) finding a way to connect deeply enough with them to create that mutual support and good will.

Especially for the shyer folks, building community can take A LOT of courage!

Lucky for you, we already talked about how you can access MORE Courage in your business… And since we already talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with folks who are for reals and NOT faking it ’til they make it… I know that you’re only going to become more and MORE competent at finding the sex geeks whom you click with.

Black Panther

Finding a group of peers who resonate with your beliefs, who care about things like accessibility, authenticity, allyship, and activism… Who understand that replacing cancel culture’s toxicity with “connection culture” & community accountability is going to take hard work… When you find your peers who believe that making a living and making the world a better place aren’t mutually exclusive… When you find these people, hold on to them. Support them. Cherish them. They will make you better at business and a better human being, and you will do the same for them. 

These will be your chosen peer team/peer family that will see you through the ups and downs, will appear on your podcasts, will invite you on to theirs… Will share your events with their fans & followers and recommend their clients to hire you… They will invite you to crash on their couch and volunteer to help run your retreats… And they’ll also be the ones who’ll tell you everything is going to be alright and “you got this” when you’ve had a particularly challenging business week…

These people will be a blessing in your business life and life-life. And they will help you in ways small & big, some of which you’ll never notice. 

Teamwork soccer water bottle upside down GIF

If you haven’t found your species of peers yet, don’t give up! Keep asking around and trying out new groups & events. There’s a watering hole out there somewhere where your people are gathering and it’s worth the courage and the energy you’ll invest to find your Community!

Dream Team GIF

It’s a game changer when you find a group of sex geeks that inspire you, that you vibe with. It’s something truly special. Don’t take it for granted, Sex Geek. When you find them, you’ll be one of the lucky ones, and it will feel like you can take on the world because you can. 

Sex Geek Summer Camp GIF

If you have found them — maybe you found them at Sex Geek Summer Camp for example — NOW comes the fun part: Interact with them!

Help them get to know you and what you offer, cheer them on & ask for feedback, and get to know them so you can support them, too! Use your Competence, Courage and Confidence to build the connection into a Community. This way, everyone succeeds!

What Have You Done Together Lately?

If you don’t invite folks to do things with you, all you had was the event that you met at (And that event is over). Give your community reasons to share quality time. Give them things to say YES to & strengthen the ties that bond you, otherwise, the connections will fade.

One of the best ways to have focused & quality time with your peer team is to co-create/offer something or take a class or workshop together. 

It doesn’t have to be as big as starting a podcast together or co-creating a weeklong retreat. It can be as simple as doing a monthly Instagram LIVE, getting together on Zoom to co-work on a semi-regular basis, or investing in doing business development courses together.

All of the courses shared below have lots of interaction and feedback so that you & your peers can dive deeper into knowing you and you them. Lots of deep friendships and business connections have formed in earlier runs of these offerings. 

The mission you’re on is too important to have a lack of Community be the missing “C” holding you back! 

If you mix the four “Cs” together and use them to serve your audience, your community, and yourself, you will make a difference!

I hope you join Cathy and me for some or all of the offerings below. All courses (1:1 coaching excluded) have multi-pay and some partial and full scholarships available. Click the image or link for each to learn more.

Upcoming Events & Courses Designed SPECIFICALLY for Pleasure Professionals Like YOU…

Implementation Boot(y) Camp: Build the foundation of your business or fill in missing gaps so you feel competent that you have the infrastructure to help people and to reach new folks that need your help! With AI to speed up your growth and to save you energy! And Reid and Cathy at the helm. — Register + More Info HERE.

Copywriting Deep Dive with AI for Sex Geeks: Learn how to write in ways that engage and invite your audience that lights a spark in them and has the right ones signing up in droves for your offerings. Plus, we’ll use AI to help reduce your workload by up to 70-percent! Two day Event. Reid and Cathy will be guiding you. — Learn More and Register HERE.

Sex Geek Conservatory: 3 Days working on your public speaking & teaching skills can change the trajectory of your career…Too many people fumble through when learning how to speak & teach and they leave bad impressions before they become great at it. Spend three days accessing your inner power & upping your teaching/speaking game so YOU can rock people’s worlds & leave GREAT impressions immediately! A Reid Mihalko offering. — Learn More and Register HERE.

Sex Geek Summer Camp’s 10th Anniversary: Celebrating 10 years! 6-Day/5-Night Sleepaway Business/Marketing/Facilitation Skills Development & Education retreat for Sex Educators & pleasure professionals. A Reid Mihalko offering. — Access Camp’s FAQ + Register HERE.

Coaching: Reid and Cathy offer 1:1 coaching to help you uncover your blocks and gain the skills you need to power your mission and make a difference that will echo around the world.
Coaching Info for Cathy HERE.
Coaching Info for Reid HERE.

Building a successful business alone is hard… And the mission you’re on is too important to risk going at it solo. People need your intimacy & relationship advice NOW so let’s put the foundation in place for you and your business so YOU can reach more of your future fans & clients and serve them with less stress while also paying your rent!

Cathy and I believe in you, Sex Geek! And whatever ways you gain the confidence to run a successful, thriving business & career helping people… Go do THAT!

Big thanks to Cathy Vartuli who drafted the ideas for this series of posts, and helped kicked me in the pants to send these out… Cathy is quite confident when it comes to helping folks, if you didn’t already know.

We hope this post helps you understand the power of confidence when it’s for reals and not faked and that it emboldens you to go MORE for yourself, Sex Geek!

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