Would you like to be better at teasing and building anticipation? It can make everything from flirting to marketing more fun!
Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com share.
Cathy: Would you like to be better at teasing and building anticipation?
Reid: Hm? What? Yes. Yes! I want to be better at that.
Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com
Reid: And this is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: And it can be kind of fun to build anticipation.
Reid: Antic– pation.
Cathy: I love that. Anyway, but it can be a little awkward if you’re not pretty sure how to do it. Do you have any suggestions?
Reid: I don’t know if my advice is actually useful at all, I just go right for the people directly, and be like “How do you like to be teased in a way that builds anticipation?” Not teased like [SINGING] nah nah nah nah nah, you’re shirt’s really stupid, sex geek [NOISE]. No. That’s not teasing.
Cathy: No.
Reid: But more like “hey, do you like teasing? Would you like me to stroke the side of your cheek? I’m just going to, bring my mouth a little closer to you. Whisper… anticipation.
Now sometimes, people will be like “not like that, because that was creepy. Oh shit.” And, have a conversation with people like that. How do they like to be teased? Once you start to figure it out, or it– because sometimes people don’t know. So some people are into like wrestling and playing, like using– getting your body into it. Some people are really into words.
Cathy: Hearing a story or what might happen later.
Reid: Yeah, some people are super into touch, a little different that wrestling. Wrestling includes a lot of touch, but it’s all about, you know, pushing and pulling and getting your muscularity into it. Big difference than, you know, how can I tease you with sensation and touch.
Cathy: Yeah, it’s like–
Reid: Exactly. So I would interview people, and this is me being a dork because I will start to worry so much that I’m going to get it wrong, that I’m going to start freaking myself out and going into some like weird fourth grade, seventh grade like coma of like [NOISE]. So I would be like “okay, awesome, so like right now, now I’m going to take it, I’m going to interview you a little bit, and I’ve got some questions about how you like to be teased romantically if we were ever to have sex. How may I tease you in a way that creates more arousal for you than last time, please.”
You know, and what I’m doing is opening up conversation and building anticipation, because now we’re talking about stuff that could happen in the future. That, for me, is kind of savvy. But, understand that the reason my advice is couched like this is I will freak myself out in my head if I start worrying about this. So, the way I not worry about it, I un-worry, is to go directly to people and ask them information. That works really well. One, it gets me out of my head, usually, right? I might be like “ahh we’re having the anticipation conversation ahh.” But, now I’m getting better information, and also I’m role modeling for them it’s okay for them to give– to tell me stuff. So hopefully they tell me stuff in, in the, you know, future too. And, hopefully after I’m done with my little interview.
Cathy: I really like your suggestion too, you once told me that one of the best ways to tease is to tease yourself. So, if I’m thinking about kissing someone, I can kind of run it in my head and imagine it. It’s going to show in my eyes and my energy. My eyes will glance down at his lips, and I’ll be thinking about it, and there’s just a little bit of– [LAUGHTER]
Yeah, you naturally do that. No, but we do– when we are thinking about that, our body is naturally doing the things that some of the, the flirting guides tell you to do. You know, our eyes will dilate when we’re thinking about something imminent like that. Our lips will naturally get a little more red, our cheeks a little flushed, we’re not turning around like this, closing my eyes, so that my pupils dilate so that he thinks, I mean like–
Reid: Hey look over there!
Cathy: No, but really, I’ve read this, I have been, it was a how to flirt guide and they recommended closing your eyes, pinch your cheeks and bite your lips–
Reid: That’s so stupid.
Cathy: And you close your eyes so your pupils dilate because subconsciously that tells someone–
Reid: This is not 18th century France! Stop it!
Cathy: Don’t eat arsenic to make your skin white either. You know, it kills you.
But when you’re actually turning yourself on in your own head you’re teasing yourself, and imagining it, then you’re naturally flirting and, and there’s probably some evocative things there.
Reid: The other way, and then again– I’ll take Cathy’s advice and I’ll put it into Reid Land, which is basically “I would really like to kiss you right now, and I would like to practice getting kind of close to kissing you, but not kiss you.”
Cathy: Oh wow. That’s hot.
Reid: Now, it sounds dorky, but on a date like you’ll probably be the most interesting person, or the creepiest that they’ve had on a date in a while.
Cathy: They’re not going to forget you.
Reid: A lot of people are bored, just bored. So now you’re like okay so I’m just going to kind of, I saw this really goofy video on Youtube and this was their advice about kissing, and see what that’s like– what do you have to lose? Maybe the second or third date, but hey! Your mileage may vary.
Cathy: Let us know what you think and what works for you.
Reid: What are your tips, tricks, and comments about flirting, especially when you’re shy or feeling awkward.
Cathy: And how to build anticipation.
Reid: Oh, that was the last thing. We were going to do a shout out. Watch that one too, it rocks. How to build anticipation. See, I had to build anticipation.
Cathy: For the other video.