Different Experiences When Sharing Vulnerably?

by Reid on January 21, 2018

Portrait of young couple in love at a coffee shop two people in cafe enjoying the time spending with each other young couple at san valentines day friends having coffee and enjoying themselves

Does everyone feel the same when they share vulnerably?



With Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Cathy: We talk a lot about vulnerability on these videos. And Reid and I were talking the other day and we kind of discovered we had different experiences when we shared vulnerably and we want to talk about that. This is Reid Mihalko https://reidaboutsex.com/

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/

Cathy: Yes. So, I was sharing that when I share vulnerably especially about something that’s very raw for me, I often feel very alone when I share it. And you said that you feel very, you tend to share vulnerably to feel connected. And so…

Reid: When you share vulnerably, what’s your intention for sharing vulnerably?

Cathy: I tried to be authentic. I tried to…I mean, ultimately to connect. I hope that there’s connection there but there’s not always.

Reid: So, but you’re not sharing to connect.

Cathy: Generally, no. Like, I often share to connect but in that sense when I’m sharing really raw stuff, sometimes it’s because I feel like I need to share that, it’s ethical to share that. Or that the person should know that about me. Not necessarily because I feel like I want. I fear that it won’t improve our connection.

Reid: Are you sharing thinking that it will distance the two of you?

Cathy: I’m afraid that it will.

Reid: But is that like the fear…I mean, I’m afraid everyone’s gonna discover me and totally realized that I’m a fraud but that never goes away. I just have more evidence that people get to super stupid in having figure it out. Or that I’m actually not a fraud and that people can like me from me. So, fear’s never gone away. And my opinion is if I do share and somebody pushes somebody away, either I surprise them and they’re wrestling with the fact that “Whoa, that was a lot that you just shared.” And they usually come back. Or that I’m not supposed to hang out with them because I don’t plan on stopping sharing like that anytime soon. So, if I drive them away, that’s a good thing because the only other recourse to keep them around would be to stopping me. So, I’m curious like the results that you’re getting from sharing raw and vulnerably? Do you feel people leave you?

Cathy: No. I just [inaudible 00:02:29]. I feel when I share, I’m often feeling very alone. And you share that you didn’t and I was curious what other people experience as well.

Reid: Yeah. So, when you share vulnerably like, do you feel like, it just…I don’t know. For me it feels like I’m always curious like if the alone that you’re feeling is current aloneness or past aloneness that’s coming up. Like, what are your thoughts on that?

Cathy: It’s a little bit…I’m not clear on some of it. Sometimes when you’re in the moment, you’re sharing, you’re feeling very vulnerable. You know, it’s hard to know if it’s old or new. Yeah. I’m not sure.

Reid: And the overarching goal in your life is to drag people away or bring them closer?

Cathy: I like the right people to be drawn closer. The right people to [inaudible 00:03:25]

Reid: Okay. And how’s that going?

Cathy: Generally, pretty good.

Reid: So, do you feel more alone or less alone in your world now?

Cathy: I’m less alone in my world and I can still feel…It’s fully possible for people to feel alone even if the other people feel connected.

Reid: It’s possible to feel alone and be surrounded by friends who love you. Some people impose that on themselves. What do you think? Deep thoughts on this YouTube channel. Perhaps you want to hit subscribe so we don’t miss another one.


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