What Are Common Questions About Anal Sex? | Facebook Walk With Reid And Carlyle
Reid: Easy easy easy.
Carlyle: Easy.
Reid: Hello everybody its Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/ and I have a very special guest star today. We unfortunately with Facebook live everything’s backward so we’re at the Good For Her shop in Toronto Canada and I’m here with Carla, the founder, the founder.
Carlyle: Hello.
Reid: And, and as you sign on and say hi, say hi to Carla and say hi from wherever you are at wherever you’re watching from. And you wrote a book.
Carlyle: It’s gonna be backward.
Reid: But don’t freak it out. And if you can read it, it says it says Anal Sex Basics and so you, you apparently you wrote a book
Carlyle: I did.
Reid: On basics. So my question for you outside the store because we didn’t embarrass anybody with me running around the store with the camera and also we didn’t wanna embarrass Facebook because the store is filled with sex toys. Our question is what is the most common question you get about anal? But first tell us a little bit about, about the store and a little bit about the history because you are the founder.
Carlyle: I’m the founder. We just hit our 20 year anniversary a couple of weeks ago and uhm so [Inaudible 00:01:18] and we have a passion for workshops which is why we’re still happy that you’re here tonight
Reid: Yay.
Carlyle: to teach a workshop.
Reid: Thanks for having me.
Carlyle: Yes, great. We have lots of local folks and lots of people coming to town. And we sell sex toys and we have a big educational focus and we also do a porn festival every year and that’s what we do.
Reid: And what was the uhm, what was the genesis or the reason for the store like how did it come to be?
Carlyle: Well, I was someone who was never comfortable with sex. And I didn’t have an orgasm with my first partner and I remembered him saying like, “What do you like?” and he looks at me and he said you know, “What do you enjoy?” and I said, “Aren’t you supposed to know that?”
Reid: Yeah
Carlyle: This was like 30 years ago, right. So he was really raged and finally somebody pointed me to a magic wand, I drive [Inaudible 00:01:13] and I thought it’s time for me to learn about sex. And when I gave my sister some sex toys at her bridal shower, all of her friends asked these questions and I answered them and they said you’re so comfortable talking about sex you should teach workshops and then people suggested I open a store.
Reid: And that was 20 years ago.
Carlyle: That was, yep 20 years ago since we open.
Reid: Well, thank you for doing that.
Carlyle: Oh, it’s pleasure.
Reid: And all the people that you have help. How many, how many, how many Hitachi’s or how many magic wand how many do you think you have sold in the fine country of Canada?
Carlyle: Wow. Oh my god. I don’t know like hundreds of thousands. I don’t know. A lot.
Reid: That’s called paying it forward ladies and gentlemen, that’s paying it forward.
Carlyle: But the thing is that they don’t break, right? So every once awhile you get somebody running in saying, “It finally broke I need to replace it” but that’s after you know, like 15 years.
Reid: Yeah. They, they last they last. So now let’s talk about and show the book again can really get your Vanna White on. Do what is or what have you found because maybe other people had their experience is different but what’s the most common questions you’ve got in over the years around anal effects or what’s the, what’s the thing that people ask about the most?
Carlyle: Well, I mean the biggest concern people have is that it’s painful and they say like how can I have anal sex and it not be painful or when I teach a workshop people say afterwards they’re like, “I didn’t believe you at the beginning when you said that it doesn’t have to be painful” and so my mission is that I think people should enjoy sex and enjoy pleasure whether it’s anal or otherwise and there’s ways that we can have anal sex that are pleasurable and it doesn’t have to be painful.
Reid: What you think the most common mistake people make that that leads to the pain part?
Carlyle: Is….we treat it the same way as we do on the vagina.
Reid: Okay.
Carlyle: And we just think like, “Okay, are you ready? Okay let’s put it in” and your head wants to trust your partner and your heart wants to trust your partner but your butt does not trust your partner.
Reid: That’s a button, put it on a button ladies and gentlemen, your butt does not trust your partner. Anyone do this and and and don’t do this if you’re driving like you should [Inaudible 00:04:28]
Carlyle: That’s true. So I always see like
Reid: Oh it’s raining.
Carlyle: You need to make it relax.
Reid: Yeah.
Carlyle: And make it trust and make it hungry for more.
Reid: Hi.
Carlyle: And then it will open up and you need to seduce it really. And people just they forget to do that or what they do is they use [Inaudible 00:04:47] or something like that or an anal desensitizer in order to try and make it not painful and that allows you to just rush in but why not relax and enjoy yourself and keep your time
Reid: This woman just walked by and heard her the sensitizer kind of look overhead and smiled and kept walking. So yeah, so I mean like when you use the sensitizers and things like that you’re not necessarily getting to know your body better.
Carlyle: Right.
Reid: You’re not training yourself on how to relax how to get into body, how to know when you’re, you’re
Carlyle: Hurting yourself.
Reid: And when your anus is ready and as somebody who, when I first extended explaining the butt went too fast and too big to sing now all these years later it is like you know, my butt is very friendly butt and very like, feed me some more. But I know, I know when I’m in that headspace and for me as a cisgendered, you know man I never knew what hungry hole meant until I’d learned to relax enough to then kind of feel my, my ass be like we’re ready and I, and I where did that voice came from?
Carlyle: Yeah.
Reid: Cause I never known that experience before.
Carlyle: Right. Yeah.
Reid: And so that’s, you know and again like I only have when I have tools like my mouth but like I think for men especially in this world where there’s a lot more pegging there’s more talk and acceptance of famous stimulation for men whatever your orientation. Like we don’t we don’t know what it feels like to want something inside us.
Carlyle: Right.
Reid: And again like the assumption is everyone with a bulb in a vagina knows what that’s like but not everybody does either.
Carlyle: No no no no.
Reid: What, what are some other tips for anal success?
Carlyle: There you go. I, so I always say spend 10-15 minutes on the outside before you go in. Use you tongue, use your fingers, put a condom on a [Inaudible 00:06:47] you know, play with the outside before you go in. And even if you’re comfortable with something like going straight in enjoy the ride, enjoy the time that it takes.
Reid: Yeah.
Carlyle: It’s like there’s so many nerves on the outside, enjoy that area.
Reid: That is totally too like the slow because some people want to put it in fast, let’s get it over with, but like when you can relax and when you really let your body catch up, oh my lord there’s there can be a lot of experience there that you miss when people, when people I guess just don’t slow down enough.
Carlyle: Well in so many of the nerve endings are trusting that [Inaudible 00:07:21] there’s so many nerve endings right there and so just to tease and tantalize those feels great and then of course lube. Right?
Reid: Lube.
Carlyle: You need lube. You need lube. Lube where the pump is great then you can do that one-handed at thick lube it stays in place and some people even get really fancy and they put like a thick lube to coat the inside of [Inaudible 00:07:47] and then use a thinner lube on whatever it’s like going on and out of a finger or a toy or a cock whatever.
Reid: That is fancy.
Carlyle: Yeah yeah. People have like actions of 1/3 of this lube 2/3 of that lube or whatever but sometimes playing with consistencies can help because the problem is
Reid: Hmm…
Carlyle: That is caught up on the sustain place
Reid: Yeah.
Carlyle: it keeps getting push up.
Reid: Yeah. Or if it’s running it runs out of place right.
Carlyle: Yeah. So that’s the other reason why I love the female condom or some people call them the insertive condom or the receptive condom because all the lube stays in one spot
Reid: Oh.
Carlyle: Right? It touches the lube and it doesn’t keep getting pushed off.
Reid: Oh. Because it’s inside the condom.
Carlyle: Yeah yeah.
Reid: Oh I didn’t think about that. Oh, my god, this changes everything. No, because this is a thing.
Carlyle: Yeah yeah.
Reid: Wow. Okay, I have homework. Oh, this is good.
Carlyle: So that condom is great it’s also great for other reasons one is that if there’s a little bit poop of people, matter right? It’s not rubbing constantly against that the, the, the matter stays in place because the condoms
Reid: on the inside.
Carlyle: Yeah. Holds it and it’s kinda like when you know when somebody gives you a massage on the beach and you get sand
Reid: Oh yeah.
Carlyle: And you have that rubbing. That should feel good.
Reid: Oh I see now, I now think about sand in the butt. Why did you that?
Carlyle: Why on your butt? On your arm.
Reid: Why did you do that?
Carlyle: On your arm. Right?
Reid: Okay.
Carlyle: But if you have sand underneath and then you’re rubbing on the top, it stays in one place.
Reid: I can’t stop thinking of it. Alright, so thank you so much we’re gonna end on that sand in your butt. Leave comments. I tagged you in this so this should show up on the store page. As well I think you have to accept it from the store page.
Carlyle: Okay.
Reid: Um but leave, leave your comments and your questions because I’ll try to answer them. You’re welcome to [Inaudible 00:09:38] you’re not obligated you’re very generous with giving us time and as we’re leaving um hit a bunch of emoticons because I like to let, cause if this is, if we take your Facebook live cherry.
Carlyle: Um. Not quite. But it doesn’t have to be a cherry.
Reid: Doesn’t have to be cherry.
Carlyle: It has to be super fabulous and sweet and touching and awesome.
Reid: That’s so kind. Look at all that. So, ladies and gentlemen, we witnessed me providing Carlyle with sloppy Facebook live seconds.
Carlyle: I’m not sloppy, I’m not seconds. I’m miss fabulous.
Reid: Thank you so much. And oh, where do people find you?
Carlyle: So you can find me https://www.goodforher.com/
Reid: Okay.
Carlyle: That’s where we are.
Reid: Yay. Bye, everyone. Look at, look at, look at all that it’s raining emoticons.
Carlyle: Bye. Oh. That’s so sweet.
Reid: Alright bye. And I’m teaching tonight at the store. So if you’re in Toronto oh wait we’re sold out
Carlyle: We’re sold out.
Reid: Yeah. Sorry.
Carlyle: Sorry.
Reid: Sorry. We’re sold out.
Carlyle: You gonna get, get him to come back. Tell him to come back.
Reid: Okay. Alright. Bye, everyone.