What can you put in your dating profile to help attract and identify Sex Geeks? Here are some key questions and points to include in your profile to find members of this unique and desirable species- From the Clown Prince of the Sex Geeks!
Join Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com and sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com for the answers to this and more!
Cathy: Welcome, everyone. This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com, and we’re here with Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Is it TheIntimacyDojo.com?
Cathy: [nods head] TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: Was IntimacyDojo.com taken?
Cathy: It was taken.
Reid: Did I take it?
Cathy: I think you took it.
Reid: Shoot! I’m sorry! [smiles]
Cathy: [laughs]
Reid: Wow, that’s not cool.
Cathy: No, it wasn’t!
Reid: That’s horrible! Why didn’t you just ask… [looks at camera] This is not about THAT. We’ll talk about this later. [whispers] You should have just asked me.
Cathy: [laughs] I did!
Reid: Oh. [whispers] Sorry! Yes – next question. Online dating! Change the subject!
Cathy: So, Reid, what can you put in your ad if you’re looking for other sex geeks or lovers,who are not looking necessarily to get married? I mean, there are a lot of people who want to get married and have kids, and there’s people out there who just want to have – they want to meet other really cool people and be able to talk about sex and talk about intimacy and have lovers. They don’t… What can you put in your ad to identify them and draw them out?
Reid: Okay, it’s a good question. So if you’re looking for geeks (what I call sex geeks) – people that are interested in talking about sex, relationships, and intimacy – they get excited about that. It’s not like you’re on a date with somebody who’s like “Do we have to talk about communication?” No, let’s rock that.
Again, you’re creating kind of like a vetting question, and you’re letting people know that this is what you’re looking for. And sex geeks, or people that are up for that challenge – budding sex geeks, white belt sex geeks, beginner sex geeks – they’ll know. They’ll get it.
So what I would probably do is say, “Looking for sex geeks and people who love processing and talking about emotions and brain chemistry and…” whatever, blah blah blah. “Please list your favorite three books on sex, relationships, and intimacy.”
Cathy: That’s great. Yeah. That’s wonderful.
Reid: Because then – again, like we did in the other video about online dating, you’ve created this interesting hoop for people to jump through or this marker for them to meet. In the first couple of paragraphs of their reply, if they don’t mention the books…
Cathy: Right.
Reid: …or if they don’t mention the books at all – you could just scan the e-mail – if they don’t mention it, then you know that they weren’t paying attention. So now you’re about to start e-mailing back and forth with somebody who doesn’t pay attention. You’re looking for a level of cognizance and cognitive ability. And then you’re asking them to recommend either three books or three movies or three tidbits for them to share with you to start the conversation back and forth.
Cathy: It makes it an easy conversation. If you ask for something like that and they say “The Five Love Languages,” for example, and you’ve read it and you really love it, you have something: “What’s your love language?” You’ve already opened a dialogue and started to get to know the person.
Reid: Yeah. Exactly. And then another kind of answer would be, “I think I’m a sex geek, but I haven’t really read anything or gone to any workshops.” At least then you know that the person is paying attention, that they’re interested in what you’re interested in, but that they don’t have any experience.
They’re really a super-beginner. And then you can decide whether you take on rookies, you know, or if you’re looking for veterans. And that can empower you to use that kind of approach as an assessment tool.
Cathy: And even if you don’t date them, you might make some really great friends.
Reid: Oh my God. Yeah. Just because they’re not the person for you, dating-wise, if you’re looking for this kind of community – like the kind of people that show up for TheIntimacyDojo.com – these people are also resources for you to expand your social network.
Like, you’re actually building community, and community is going to pay off in the long run more than you tossing everybody away who’s not datable. Of course, don’t put up with jerks or people that really rub you the wrong way. But ultimately what you’re looking for is a little pod of sex geek dolphins for you to go swimming with.
Cathy: Yeah, and it’s a lot of fun.
Reid: Yeah. Good luck!