How do you break bad news to someone you don’t want to hurt? Or you feel badly for?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: So we just did a video about how to tell someone your dating that you’re just not into them. Now how do you do that when they might have something either you feel sorry for them about or they’re struggling with or either kind of using that or you’re just feeling bad telling them that you’re not into them. This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: And it came really hard. It’s hard enough when you feel like you’re on equal footing but if someone has been very vulnerable and share like some of their her struggles. You like, “How can I kick a kitten?”
Reid: So wow! We’re kittens now.
Okay. So here’s my crazy advice. You can be kind and gentle and deliver bad news at horrible times and I still think overall. There’s always exceptions but overall that is the better, classier human being thing to do.
Cathy: Yeah!
Reid: Thank to keep putting something off waiting for the right time. The rule of thumb because let’s see you’re dating somebody and their parent just died and they just need to do something other than bee surrounded by death so there kind of like, “I know my parent just died…” this is a crazy example. “I know my parent just died, but can we please go on a date like I really need time with somebody that not a family member…”
Cathy: Yeah!
Reid: And who’s not grieving? So really great. Wow like great reason and then you’re like, “Shit I already figure out and I want to cancel this date.”
Cathy: Yeah!
Reid: So this is where it’s tricky because if you continue dating you can get suck in the whole thing. Where now, they were like, “Would come to go funeral with me?”
Cathy: Yeah! “And you’re so supportive. My parent died I just love that our relationship is going that way.”
Reid: Yeah! And you’re just like, “Ooohh.”
Cathy: Walking down the aisle.
Reid: So this is the thing like I believe having the courage not always easy to say, “Hey I have to tell you the truth. I was going to cancel the date because I’m clear that I don’t want to continue to dating you and holy crap your parent just died.” So the cats out of the bag using difficult conversation formula which starts from the previous video. To prep it a little bit more but then at least the cats lets out of the bag you would be like, “I’ll go out and have dinner with you or go see a movie so you can get out on your family situation. Like I want to be a good human being to you but were not going on a date and we won’t have a third one.” So then, you can be honest which can be tough sometimes but then there’s relief and you can tell them what you actually available for or the decent thing is like, “I was going to cancel the date anyway. I’m really sorry and I’m not available to hang out with you but I’m sending you a lot of love and light and good luck.” You can be a decent human being. That’s a crazy example but we all have kinds of example. My cats just got hit by a… oh my I’m just more of it. I’m just saying… that things happen
Cathy: Yeah!
Reid: So just tell the truth.
Cathy: Yeah! Well I went on a date recently. It was kind of I felt bad for the person because of certain circumstances and I really felt resentful by the end of the evening like I do not have a good time and I don’t think he did either but I should have just said, “You know I’m really sorry that’s happening and I’m not available.”
Reid: People deserves the truth because that is the bumper sticker simplistic advice but that doesn’t mean it’s easy and if you’re going to build community and friendships like, let’s say this is someone you don’t want to date but you go on a movie, and you’re like, “You know you’re kind of cool. Like we should… like want to go this meet up thing with my other friends up.” Surround yourself with people that can handle the truth and I will not were you think bad Jack Nicholson impersonation. Hang out with people who can adult and life becomes a lot easier especially over time when you’ve been practicing with everybody telling them the truth. Not always easy but simple and powerful.
Cathy: Yeah! Thanks so much for the watching. We hope this help and we hope we help you a lot with freedom and truth in your life. Leave comment below or subscribe.
Reid: And we like when you leave questions.
Cathy: Yes.
Reid: And that is the truth.