Does everyone have pain in some sexual positions?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, “I’m wondering if it’s normal to have pain during certain sexual positions. I noticed that when riding my boyfriend or being in the doggy position, my lower back really hurts or sometimes I have a shooting pain and just have to stop. The pain doesn’t last once I stop but I want to make sure I’m not really hurting myself badly. What should I watch out for?”
Reid: First off, go see a doctor. We’re not clinicians or medical doctors or chiropractors nor do we play those on television. My name is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com. I’m a sex educator.
Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com. Also, I do intimacy coaching.
Reid: Whenever you have pain, you should go see a doctor. Somebody who’s qualified to kind of check out and make thing that things are okay and in working order. That being said, thank you, one for writing in with the question. Two, for knowing that you should stop when you feel pain. There’s the erotic kind of fun pain of being spanked and then there’s like that that’s my body telling me something is not good. Good for stopping and being able to listen to your body enough to know and also for those of you who are around the other side of that and you’re with your lover and they’re feeling pain, have a time out. Encourage them to have a time out because sometimes we think we have to kind of muscle through it. That’s not usually a good thing.
Cathy: Finish the sex.
Reid: Yeah, that’s not usually a good thing.
Cathy: Some things you can also if the doctor says there’s nothing, they can’t detect anything, you could check to make sure you have enough lubrication because that will cause pain. One thing, I have vaginismus for a long time where …
Reid: Define your terms, Cathy Vartuli. What is that?
Cathy: Basically, the muscles in my vagina were in spasm because of trauma, they can be due to stress as well. But some people have that in certain locations in the vagina, not the whole vagina. It could be that you’re kind of tuned in is it your lower back or is it inside, like the spinal cord or actually inside and could it be that there’s some part of your vagina or cervix or any … there’s something in there that might be tight or on spasm that you either pay attention to or get some massage or do some work to release that.
Reid: This can also, it’s not just for vaginas, but anything that’s having to do with your inside your pelvic floor, whether it’s anally or just kind of inside, things are happening and feel a little bit out of whack, try to feel into and locate exactly what it feels like, it will help you when you’re describing it to people, especially your doctors and things like that. But you’re starting to bring awareness and attention to areas of your body that you might have kind of just blocked off from whatever trauma or accident or whatever’s been happening in your life. I know for me, I’d hurt my hip and pulled a ligament with some kettlebell exercises and then I slipped on somebody’s throw rug on a very slick hardwood floor while having sex and I kind of really strained my leg.
First off, get big throw rugs, rugs that don’t slip on the wooden floors. I love your hardwood bamboo floors, everybody, or your marble floors but get some rugs that don’t slip, they’re a hazard. Understanding what’s actually going on helped me start to figure out, “Okay, I’m injured and I needed to go get some physical therapy.” You paying attention, you might not be injured in the classical sense, but there may be some emotional stuff that’s coming up from older things that you just never noticed and now it’s time for you to start noticing them.
Cathy: This can be a really good time to be really in communication and present during sex. You can talk to your partner about it or your partners. Sometimes, we think we should be able to … we saw it on the porn channel and they did it just fine. You might find that that position isn’t good for you or you might need support pillows. They sell different yoga chairs or tantra chairs or tantra pillows that will help you be in a position … I’m a bigger woman, being on my knees on top of someone, riding someone, it’s harder because I have a lot of weight on my knees and it’s harder for me to move my pelvis. Whereas with the tantra chair, I have lots of movement and it’s a lot of fun.
Reid: Some sex toy furniture can be really useful and helpful. Depending on where you are in your cycle and the kinds of positions, the pain might be coming from your cervix is getting hit or it’s the position itself.
Cathy: Or you may not be stimulated enough for that position. If I’m not really turned on and someone is in position where they’re hitting my G-spot, that gets really painful really fast.
Reid: Unless your G-spot’s really turned on.
Cathy: Unless I’m really engorged and lots of blood flow there, then it feels great.
Reid: Got it. Those are some basic things. What are some of the ways that you kind of self-assessed or checked out how you’re doing during sex and things that you do when you’re in discomfort? Leave them below.
Cathy: Thanks for asking.