I’m Socially Shy But Sexually Adventuresome… Is That Normal?

by Reid on May 21, 2021

I’m Socially Shy But Sexually Adventuresome… Is That Normal?

Shy african girl flirting with friend in the summer in the city

Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, “Typical normies believe in a truly shy person will find themselves in a fucking orgy of all places. Please make a helpful video for those who actually need advice.” This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.

Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com, but you have found yourself at a play party, more than 50 if I believe.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: So, I’ve got my love glasses on. I can’t see the hate.

Cathy: So, it is harder there’s fewer probably shy people representative, represented at a play party than there might be shy people in the world in general like percentage-wise.

Reid: Maybe, I don’t know.

Cathy: But there’s also people that are very socially shy but sexually adventuresome. Like were shy..

Reid: Sexual extroverts

Cathy: Yeah, we’re shy in different ways, and all the first play parties I went to I went to with a good friend and I could hang out with. But I was the kind of girl that walked out in high school I had the books to my chest looking down as I’m walking down the hall like I wouldn’t talk to anyone unless I had to. I am quite shy and I happen to play parties and it does take a lot of courage to be there but I wouldn’t discount people being at a play party because there are people that want to heal things or people I want to experience things and they may have more courage than you realize that they’re willing to wrestle it together and show up.

Reid: Do you think this person’s saying that for truly shy people? The advice needs to be about stuff other than play parties. Is that, I’m just trying to understand the comment.

Cathy: It might be I mean we’ve done videos about shy people in a lot of different situations. But I think that you know we’re talking about the fact that shy people, big people, people of different ages, whatever can go to play parties normalizes it makes it a little bit easier for some of the shy hopefully to go to something that’s hard.

Reid: Because if no one’s talking about it, then how somebody who’s truly shy ever going to fill in the blank?

Cathy: Right, it’s hard being if there’s no role models for something like if I go off and I’m the biggest person in a play party it’s sometimes really hard to get there and play because I feel like there’s no role models for me. And I think the same for shy if we don’t talk about people that are introverted or shy going out and doing adventuresome things which “I’m sorry I think if some of the extroverts realize how much courage it took to do some of the things we do with shy people they’d have a lot more respect for it” like we can do a lot of things it just takes a lot of courage. So just because you’re shy doesn’t mean you can’t go to a play party or an orgy it doesn’t mean you can’t do anything it just means you may need to have more resources lined up like I would always go with a friend and if a friend said “I think you should go yourself” I’d be like “fuck you I’ve got going” I just wasn’t like that person just didn’t realize how much took for me to show up.

Reid: But if there’s and if nobody who identifies as shy is talking about going to a play party or whatever the event is then it could be impossible for somebody else who’s shy to give themselves permission to even think about attending such a thing because those events aren’t for me.

Cathy: I’m actually a relatively private person as well but I share because I don’t want anyone to feel like they couldn’t go because I never heard of anyone shy going to a play party. You know or bigger or whatever it is.

Reid: Why are your friends are disabled and you know they were like you know is, can I come to a play party? I’m like “yeah” you know, well for my house we need to get a get you a ramp to get you in because there’s a step thing and then you know the building I’m in has an accessible bathroom like so we talked about what it would take. But until somebody asked like it never occurred to me and this is you know maybe the evilest thing but like I’m like “oh yeah like where in my invite does it say anywhere that you should consider that you’re welcome here” you know not that’s a whole conversation about inclusion and things like that. But if somebody in a wheelchair or whatever is doing a video about being at a play party then if that is seen by somebody else who never thought they could be there or even it’s not even disabilities is just like “oh my goodness” if somebody who’s shy can go to the party or somebody who’s in a wheelchair or somebody you know fill in the blank. Then maybe I can too.

Cathy: And one of the things I found too, is I teach a lot of sex for the shy different courses like that and it’s I go into a room and you can kind of like you get ideas in your head all that person’s extroverted that person is not shy, I wonder why they’re in this class. And then I started talking to them like no I perceive myself as shy like this like they may be occurring to you as extroverted but they’re not necessarily so any of these skills we’re talking about, I mean the approaches we’re talking about can be incorporated for people that may not be traditionally shy or you know it’s scary to go to a play party sometimes, it’s scary to do new things so any of the skills applied to general humans and front loading and making sure that you have your needs met and you have a body you felt makes you feel safer, you talk to the host or hostess and find out what the rules are, how can you help whatever that is, making it easier for yourself is a good thing. It doesn’t have, you don’t have to make it as hard as possible. So whether you’re shy or not I think these are hopefully useful.

Reid: For those of you who identify as shy or introverted or quiet or what was the quiet book by who was it again?

Cathy: I don’t remember the name, sorry.

Reid: There’s  a book called Quiet

Cathy: It’s a really good book.

Reid: which is a good book but for those of you who identified like that like please leave a comment and let us know

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: what other questions you have or how can we help, right? You’re the shy identified person, I’m the extrovert on espresso but also share what has been helpful for you in your journey around being shy or introverted ‘coz I do think it is important to for people to talk about it because if…I mean the irony if, if, if we’re shy or quiet and no one who’s shy or quiet is talking about it, how does it get talked about?

Cathy: How does anything ever changed?

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: So

Reid: Awesome

Cathy: and we just still getting get our Facebook, we did a Facebook live a little bit ago, if you’re shy and you want to go to a play party, I encourage you to call up the host or hosts just drop them an email and say “Hey, I’m shy. Can I bring shy bracelets? Would it be okay if I provided them so that anyone who is shy can wear them and people know to approach us and welcome us in? So

Reid: Yeah. What are the suggestions that you have? Please leave them in the comments.

Cathy: We love to know.

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