How Do I Stop Seeing Sex As A Chore?

by Reid on December 28, 2017

Thoughtful man sitting on bed while boyfriend sleeping

Ever feel like sex is a lot of work and a burden? What can you do?


Suggestions from Reid Mihalko from and Cathy Vartuli from

Reid: One of our amazing viewers wrote in stop seeing sex as a chore. This is Cathy Vartuli from

Cathy: And Reid Mihalko from

Reid: Cathy Vartuli what do you think?

Cathy: If it feels like a chore, it’s really great to get reconnected with your body and ask yourself what you want. A lot of times we have to do something, it’s no longer fun but when we get to do something. It can be a blast. If you’re having to or you feel pressure to and you’re trying to resent it or feeling passive aggressive about it and setting a boundary and saying hey I want to stop feeling like I have to and if I say no then you need to respect that and then maybe take time to just have a date or just stroke each other’s arms and just be really present with each other or maybe just make out in the back seat like we did in high school. Taking a step back and reconnecting and noticing what your body wants, females especially or socialize in our society to please other people even though it is not pleasing to us. But that’s actually reduces pleasure both people can experience so if you can just take a step back just really pay attention to what your body wants in the moment and you’ll realize you’re allowed to change your mind. If you’re having intercourse and it starts feeling good and then it starts feeling not good, you can stop. The other person will survive despite popular myth and knowing you can stop can often bring a lot of pleasure to it.

Reid: Things I would add; explore different kinds of sex. Makes sex and exploring sex but don’t make that the kind of thing that starts to feel like a chore but sometimes if you’re doing things you only think that there’s four kinds of sex that you can have and you don’t like any of them, it can feel like a chore. The other thing that I would advocate for is don’t make sex about the climax. When I coach and work with people around sexuality stuff, a lot of times people have partners or are dating somebody or have a lover who takes a long time to cum and then that can feel like a chore that you have to get them there or you’ve got to make yourself out there and that could really feel like chore like. If you make sex about the pleasure and the play and not about the destination then that can alleviate some of that, too. If people want to get some free sex education and sexuality skill set videos at, sex the number 10 x which is one of my online courses.

Cathy: It’s a great series.

Reid: They have some free videos that will invite you to take the course if it feels like a good fit and that will give you a lot more crayons in your crayon box of sex. Hopefully, my course doesn’t feel like a chore.

Cathy: We hope this helps. Please leave comments below and let us know what you think.

Reid: Learning about sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. Leave a comment.

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