Submissive In Your Sex Life, But Trying To Be A Leader In Business Life?

by Reid on December 25, 2017

Young asian woman holding her smart phone while talking with her colleague, students in library using technology

Trouble shifting gears to being a leader when you’re submissive in your romantic relationship or in bed? What can you do?



With Reid Mihalko from and Cathy Vartuli from

Cathy: What if you’re submissive in your sex life and it’s becoming really integrated yet you’re trying to be a teacher and a leader in your business and you’re also worried that your submissive status may hurt your business when people find out about it. . This is Reid Mihalko from

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from A very good question. Thank you for writing in your questions especially around the business. Because when we have the sex geek camp green t-shirt on, this is business conversations advice for sex educators, sex positive entrepreneurs, healers and those kinds of folk.

Cathy: If you are spending a lot of time in a certain role, it can be hard to step out of that a lot of times. It can be challenging and keeping a boundary between your private life and business life is sometimes quite challenging. Reid has other videos about privacy versus vulnerability.

Reid: Are you waiting for something coming out of my mouth?

Cathy: Yes. I was throwing the ball to you.

Reid: Oh, that was throwing the ball silence. Got it. This is such a good question and the thing I was thinking about is that I would imagine that some people who are submissive and truly just love being submissive. If you have difficulty shifting gears or you’re getting so much joy out of being submissive and it’s kind of creeping into your business world. You would like submissive in business and if you’re business owner, that’s going to be a little tricky because people are looking to you for certain kind of leadership. So you have to get to have some toppy nature if you’re the boss. I guess what’s coming to my mind is the idea if this works for you if you’re very collaborative, you could top from the bottom with your employees and really authorize them to have the agency you might want to let go off but what you’re really enjoying is not running the business. I don’t know the situation so it’s hard for me to give business advice without knowing more.

Cathy: One thing you might want to try and it might work to some people is to have your partner who is the dominant person to instruct you. Go out there and teach dynamically.

Reid: That’s right. That’s good. Have the top tell you a little bit more toppy in work. Unless, you’re just a bad submissive if you do the job. Spanking doing a good job. If you’re into spanking if you’re not just something else.

Cathy: It’s a different way to get your mind around it. I’m really shy and introverted so for me I have to remember the mission people I want to help and that helps me to get out there and more sharing.

Reid: Other things I’m imagining in my head is somebody really blossoming in their personal life and they’re kind of in this oxytocin this is my version, I don’t know this person but they’re like so blown away by all the growth and expansion and all the stuff they’re getting to do in their personal life that that high is following them like submissive high is following them into the office. Another thing that you might want to do is find a really good grounding rituals and techniques so you can complete the home where the personal space in a way where you got to get that kind of put that on hold until you get back home and that way you haven’t in another ritual to have your role playing at work in full gear. I imagine not knowing this person that you might be able to kind of create that kind of situation.

Cathy: And realize that there are different leadership styles. Reid is very dynamic, he’s out there following and we’re going to do some fun things. I’m more of a collaborator and I’m like are you guys fun to do this? Let’s find a win — win for everybody. You don’t have to look what you see on TV or maybe you had male bosses that are very traditional. You get to find your own leadership style, it might be a little softer of some models that we’re seen.

Reid: Softer can still be dynamic and agency. You don’t have to go down the rabbit hole of debating what being submissive or bottom means. Leave comments. I’m really interested to hear what you all have to say about this.

Cathy: We’ll come back and do another video about the privacy issue.

Reid: What?!

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