How Do I Find Good Polyamorous Dating Sites? | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on August 17, 2020

How Do I Find Good Polyamorous Dating Sites? | Facebook Walk With Reid

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello Facebook! It’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/. Today I’ve got my Vassar….Vassar College T-shirt on from whenever I lectured there ….. So questions, where if you went to school or even in a school of hard knocks, where did you go to college or university or high school or community college or what was the place or time in your life where you learn something really awesome?

I’m curious because I’m asking you a question today and we’re going we’re going on the train tracks today because I want to see if the blackberries are ripe. And if Ally Moon is watching, hi Allison. I’m ….I’m behind our building and I’m checking out the blackberries for us and the…’coz they might be ripe. They were sour a couple of weeks ago or a week ago.

So, questions….Today, I had a question from somebody who emailed me or Facebook messaged me or whatever like how many…do…is…am I the only person that gets like a gazillion messages on all these different mediums and forgets to check them? For those of you who messaged me on Instagram, I still can’t figure out where that inbox is and I find that everyone small but then I lose again so I apologize. If anyone’s waiting on hearing from me, please just email me at reid@reidaboutsex.com. That is the easiest way to get to me because Lord knows there’s a ton of different ways and I’m not finding them all. So here we go. We’ve got the train tracks and we’ve got blackberries, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who are like “oh, he’s not washing them.” I’m from the Hampshire so it’s ooh! Oh, they’re good. Allison come on! We have to come down here at sunset and just gorge ourselves on these….tasty…tasty. Oh, they’re like perfect. See how many they are. There’s like a gazillion of them. Ooh, Ooh I know what I’m doing later. This is going to be good. I’m going to get some blackberry beer maybe and just come down here and get drunk.

Okay, back to questions. I’m being distracted by deliciousness. So my question is somebody asked what are good polyamorous dating sites and….and truth be told like I’m not really the person to….asked because all the dating when I’m meeting new people I tend to do is through community. So I tend to meet new people in real life or have….have friends or lovers of mine recommend other people to me so that tends to be how I meet folks. So I figured I would ask all of you because I know there’s some really kick-ass folks online and whatnot who follow me and who you know kind of do the online dating thing. I’m just going to take you out on to the tracks. There’s nothing coming so how can I die? But I thought it would be fun to walk on the other side. So what online dating sites or apps for you have worked really well? I’m more interested to hear from actual like experience and please feel free to share what’s worked for you, what hasn’t worked for you? If you know I know from some of my friends and peers that https://www.okcupid.com/ used to be and I think it still does the way that the algorithm for the dating site works that tend to be better for people who know that they’re polyamorous, who know that they want to be in open relationships just because of the questions they ask and how that website is designed to but basically help people who already know what they want. I’ve heard and this was a couple of years ago, this is years ago now that https://www.match.com/ is great or better suited for people who don’t really know what they want because the algorithm and the kinds of questions that they asks does a better job of helping match people who are who are struggling with what they want.

So, again like I don’t know that that’s still true but I haven’t heard advice to the contrary and I do have a lot of friends who seem to meet folks on https://www.okcupid.com/ and that seems to be doing pretty well. I know that fetlife at https://fetlife.com/ which is kind of the kinky version of Facebook for lack of a better way of describing it. That is also a place where you could click on somebody’s profile and see pictures of things that you didn’t even know people were into and now you can’t unsee it. So there’s some really awesome kinky folk on there just be prepared. It is not Facebook friendly but it’s definitely very kink friendly and it may not….may be a little much for some folks but fetlife has been a good place for like-minded people to find groups and hobbies and….and interests that are shared by other people, that might be the place you want to take a look at. I’ve heard in the past that fetlife was not the most secure website ever. So if you have severe you know not severe but like serious privacy issues then you know you might want to do a little bit of research to see if fetlife has fixed that, that part of itself. I’ll give you some artwork here. We’re under one of the overpasses here in Oakland.

So, I’m curious about what your experiences have been and if you want to share, look both ways before you cross train tracks folks and what have your experiences been? I….again like I have Tinder on my phone but I’ve only opened it once ever. So and that was really to check out a friend’s thing that they asked me to do. So I wouldn’t even be able to tell you about Tinder or apps like that. You would have to check in with each other a little bit more and maybe…maybe one of these days I’ll get a…online nerd to kind of join….join us or somebody who’s using Tinder a lot and having success and having fun with it. And again I would say you know if you’re looking for advice on real life like how to meet people from a community perspective, what I would recommend and what’s worked really well for me is you know are you if you have the…the wherewithal ‘coz not everybody has the funds to just hop in a car and drive somewhere or buy a plane ticket but if there are events or conferences or workshops or meet-ups or munch’s where groups of people who are into certain things get together for lunch or brunch and will meet at a restaurant or something like that, those are the things that I would usually recommend for people who are interested in getting to know actual folks and who aren’t really great about how to navigate online connection mostly because a lot of the people that I end up coaching in dating and…and relationship stuff like a lot of you are really super busy folks. Who are you know some of you have kids, some of you have jobs or you’re running businesses, you’re entrepreneurs and like you just don’t have a ton of time to be vetting all of these people online and what can be tricky, this is not everybody but for some folks, if you’re already busting your ass in life and not necessarily having a lot of community yet to get your social needs you know like your monkey needs met, staying at home, answering a bunch of online emails about people who are interested in getting to know you online, that can be tricky if you’re already kind of starving for people connection to be sitting on your couch, looking at a computer screen. And what can happen, I’m not saying everybody but this is something just to notice and be aware of is, if you’re spending a lot of time weeding through a ton of emails for people who might not even live in your area while you’re just getting more and more starved or hungry for social connection, you could end up in a really tricky situation where you’re so starving air quotes on starving, so thirsty for human contact that you might you might make poor food choices. It’s kind of like going shopping grocery shopping hungry like you….you buy a food that’s maybe not the best choices for you and so what I would recommend even if you’re going to do the online dating thing as well because for some people, the reason you do online dating is you don’t want to meet somebody in your neighborhood like you want to meet somebody a hundred miles away and get to know somebody who doesn’t live in your town you know because some people have privacy concerns and don’t want to you know be hitting on somebody who….who is going to show up at their PTA meeting next week and I totally I totally get that and understand that.

Okay, we’re going to leave the…leaving the train tracks here. We’ll take a quick walk over to the turtle mural even that’s noisy over there but I like it. I know we’ll finish up this email or this…this video. But you know the idea of how do you…..it’s really noisy right now. I’m sorry about that. How do you…you know if you’re using online dating to find people who don’t live near you because you have privacy concerns or you know you and your wife or your partner or your husband or a boyfriend or whatever, you want to…to date a third person and then you know go see them someplace out of town because you don’t want somebody running into you, seeing that you’re on a date with somebody else when everybody back in town thinks you’re a monogamous couple or whatever like your privacy is your own thing.

So there’s reasons to want to do online dating but that starvation factor of your….you’re yearning for community and you might be making poor dating choices because you’re so thirsty. What I would recommend is where it’s appropriate depending on what your needs are, find some community for you to hang out in so that you’re getting those monkey needs met, those social needs met rather than sitting at home alone on your laptop slowly starving for human connection and you know that doesn’t even have to be kink community or polyamorous community like if you’re a gamer or if you like baking, maybe there’s a meet-up for people who exchange recipes or you know Dungeons & Dragons meet-up somewhere where you can get social needs met so that you can bolster your online dating. It will be a little bit more [Inaudible 00:12:22].

Again, sorry about the noise. We’re right about the highway here but we’re going to say hi to the turtle and then we’re going to say goodbye because I have to go back and get some work done. It’s like 19 or 18 days away from sex geek summer camp. For those of you who want to join us in the woods with some sex educators learning about business then go to http://reidaboutsex.com/campFAQ. Feel free to share that link with a friend or post it in a group if you have workshop facilitators and sex nerds and stuffs like that hanging out.

I’m going to look forward to reading all your comments. Thanks for sharing your….your information and…and dating experience and…and app experience. It’s not my strong suit but I’ll try to reach out to a friend and then tell him. He’s one of my dating online nerds and I’ve got some other friends who are talking about Tinder and what [Inaudible 00:14:30] I’ve been talking about online dating stuff so maybe I’ll take them up. And that’s the turtle ladies and gentlemen and now I’m going to let you go. Watch over the fence towards the turtles.

That’s going to be it today. That’s our walk. Leave some comments. Share this video. I hope this was useful. I appreciate y’all getting me out of the house. Before my phone discharges its battery, I’m going to say goodbye now from the turtles in Oakland. Happy Sunday everyone. Bye!

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