What Is Curve Anxiety? | Facebook Walk With Reid
Reid: Hello Sex geeks! It’s Reid from https://reidaboutsex.com/ guest starring
Allison: Allison!
Reid: Allison
Allison: from https://GirlSex101.com
Reid: Allison Moon from https://GirlSex101.com and I’m sorry I’m off-brand today. I have my Cleveland spider’s shirt
Allison: Yeah, you do.
Reid: on that….because I… we didn’t think we were going to live cast but we’re live casting and we’re doing it having just eating lunch but Allison what
Allison: I feel like I’m on the wrong side of you. Sorry
Reid: No. This is good ‘coz we’re…talk….talk to my hand
Allison: Oh, okay.
Reid: Because then the sound gets caught and the wind
Allison: Talk to the hand
Reid: Stays away. Talk to the hand. So, Allison for my birthday got me a birthday gift of us taking a dancing lesson. We learned to foxtrot today
Allison: Yeah, we did. You are a fox
Reid: And the… and you [Inaudible 00:00:49]
Allison: Away from you
Reid: away from me backwards the whole time
Allison: In high heels
Reid: In high heels on our lesson. You really have high heels on today
Allison: I’m wearing heels right now
Reid: Oh.
Allison: Bro!
Reid: Oh, I guess this is heels. Okay, so I’m wrong as usual and we are so I want to talk about learning curve anxiety. Let’s take a little quick little detour here because it’s actually sunny in a….in Oakland slash Alameda believe it or not. Look at all that sun and sky and boats and we went dancing today and I have a lot of I get anxious not with a capital A but I have a…anxious feelings come up whenever I’m trying to learn something new and it had me be like “oh! We can talk about this because people when they’re trying to learn new skills in bed may also kind of you know suffer from this learning curve anxiety or just learning curve feelings of incompetence
Allison: A puppy.
Reid: And most people don’t appreciate feeling incompetence when it comes to sex but when you’re learning something new that’s kind of normal. And now we have a little dog here and now we’re by these big boats so I’m just showing you the… showing you lay of the land here folks. So Allison, do you want to say a little bit about your….you know dancing and learning new things but you….you’ve danced before.
Allison: I have. It’s been many years I was quite rusty
Reid: Speak…speak it again
Allison: I was rusty but it was fun it was fun to….to remember what it felt like. It was fun to kind of dig back into 20 years ago of experience and ten years ago as a theater person you know having to know how to do that stuff. But yeah. In terms of sex stuff I think it’s hard because like yeah learning to do something new is scary and we don’t want to do things wrong and we’re afraid of being you know bad at something. And I think also like as fairly intelligent people who can move through the world fairly easily of course everyone, the individuals is issues not withstanding but like understanding that like for the most part people who are friends with you on Facebook or like intelligent people who are capable of life.
Reid: That’s you!
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: That’s you!
Allison: That’s you! So, I think it’s hard for people who are generally intelligent capable people to feel like we might be bad at something.
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: I mean we might be bad at something that a lot of people take for granted. I think sex is one of those things like you’re not supposed to learn how to do it, you’re just supposed to know which is completely false.
Reid: [Inaudible 00:03:29] and then you can learn by reading a…a book such as Girl Sex 101 and you can learn but then the actual act of doing it with another living breathing human body like then all of the sudden we thought you learn these things you know it but then when you actually get in bed to try it that’s when all the fears and the…the feelings of incompetence and then beating yourself up let alone there’s a whole other body there and whatever they’re going through
Allison: And I think I mean the dance floor form is actually perfectly apt because you had you were scared of fucking up, you’re also scared of fucking up in a way that would make it….make you lose face with me. Right? Because I had a little bit more experience, I was a little bit more depth so you’re like now you’re kind of altering your….your behavior so that you don’t feel like we’re like that so you don’t disappoint me but I think in in sex is exactly the same thing like you…you’re not usually having sex with somebody because you don’t want to be there actually you want to be there and you want to be doing a good job for people you
Reid: Yeah
Allison: want to you want to you…you want to give them a good experience.
Reid: And for most people, not all but for most feeling anxious or hello puppy! There’s a little puppy right here. Feeling anxious is not an erotic turn on
Allison: Yeah
Reid: So when you…you’re trying to connect with people that experience emotionally can be disconnected and can…can make these things feel worse and then when you’re with somebody and they feel you feeling worse, not everybody but most people don’t feel better by you feeling worse.
Allison: Right.
Reid: There are some kinky folks out there who…who I’m sure would enjoy somebody else’s anxiety and find that an erotic turn on but….but not everybody.
Allison: Yeah. The more you’re and you handle it plus your actually listening to people again, I might refer with the….with the dancing today. The more Reid was counting, right? The more he was trying to focus so intensely on the moves, the less I felt like he was paying attention to me which was a great example in a sex, like the more you’re sucking your head of like “oh, they don’t like me” or “oh, I’m doing a bad job” the less they actually….you’re actually paying attention to somebody else’s experience.
Reid: I’m still [Inaudible 00:05:46]
Allison: Wahhh!
Reid: So, the other thing so the good news, the good news now that you’ve identified all these
Allison: I might pet the puppy
Reid: You can pet the puppy. He keeps bringing you like a rubber thing to….is it? He keeps bringing you a thing to
Allison: Oh!
Reid: The dog is trying to communicate to Allison has no anxiety whatsoever about wanting to play fetch and now we’ve lost Allison completely. So let me talk to you by….my…. my faithful listeners while Allison plays fetch. So the good news is with the anxiety piece or however you want to identify the feelings of uncomfortableness, the feelings of that you just suck at something and there’s lots of different there’s a big range for what you know anxiety actually is and how people measure it but let’s just say that you’re not feeling confident and because you’re not feeling confident there’s a dip in your competency how we get into our heads and then people don’t feel connected with and they can feel like the sex is less then.
The good news is that if you stick with the learning curve if you keep making those baby steps rather than letting it letting the baby steps and those…those icky feelings stop you, if you keep with it…..most people eventually over time do get better at the things that they…they try to learn and as you get to be more competent in it, in the same way that you know for me with dancing you know I’ll go through my learning curve it’ll feel horrible but slowly I’ll start to get better at it and kind of you know get my learning curve actually has a curve where I’m getting better at it and better at the technique, better at the dancing, better at the…the hand sex or the you know oral sex or whatever it is that you’re trying to…to learn how to do sex wise. So stick with it, the learning curve is a curve and the you know feelings of anxiety may come back again but then even there you can learn how to be better at learning and how to deal with or just at least acknowledge like “oh, this feeling of horribleness will pass. This too shall pass if I just stick with it.”
So don’t let your…your feelings your learning curve bad feeling stop you from learning and I think we’re going to leave it at that. The dog is now not giving up the thing for Allison to throw and I think we’ll call this a video today. Thank you so much for…for being our listeners, for watching and thanks for guest starring today Allison.
Allison: Thanks! Bye!
Reid: And we’ll leave you here….we’ll leave you here with your with your learning curves and the…. and extend that those ideas to the people that you invite into your bed as well because they may be going through their learning curves. So, is it really just bad sex? Are you just bad at sex? Or is it just a learning curve having its way with you?
Alright! Leave a comment. Share the video. Bye!