Jealousy and the Law of Attraction
Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.ThrivingNow.com (and founder of http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com) discuss how understanding jealousy can help you attract more of what you want in your life.
Cathy: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://ThrivingNow.com. I’m here with Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com. If you saw the first video, we were talking about how understanding jealousy can give you more confidence in the world. If you’re watching us you probably have studied the law of attraction a bit, and you know that if you’re sitting there really jealous and envious and fighting yourself you’re not in the best vibrational space you can imagine. You’re probably not attracting what you want.
Reid: And for my friends who aren’t into the law of attraction, who are thinking, “Reid, you’re talking about the law of attraction.” I’m going to say that regardless of what your belief system is, you just being able to feel more confident and secure and self-aware about yourself changes how the world behaves with you.
Cathy: Yes, it doesn’t matter whether you think law of attraction is this actual law where you can be in the right space and you’ll attract what you want, or if you’re sitting there and your coworker got a promotion and you’re pissed as hell, and you’re sitting there at work all day glaring at everyone.
Reid: And then you’re pissed at your boss because he’s the one or she’s the one that gave them the promotion.
Cathy: You’re probably not going to get a promotion.
Reid: You’re just hating life.
Cathy: Yes, your life is not happy. You’re not getting what you want out of life, and you’re not going to be attracting — if you want to say attracting energetically or attracting–
Reid: –in the board room they’re not saying, “Hey Cathy, let’s promote the grumpy one in Cubicle 6.”
Cathy: Yes. So if you understand the feelings that you’re having, jealousy and envy, and do some tapping so that you release some of the feelings that are going on behind the scenes, it’s a lot easier to celebrate other people’s good wins, and feel much more open to getting your own successes.
Reid: Yes, and not getting sucked into the scarcity and the loss and all of those things. There’s always going to be a little bit of that because we’re humans, but there’s a difference between, “I’m feeling envious of my coworker or my spouse or my partner” or whatever, and then being completely wrecked emotionally such that you’re not able to be the person you want to be in the world and create the life that you want to create, because you just get hit in the face all the time by jealousy and envy, and we’ll talk about the difference, the distinctions between envy and jealousy. Let’s do that in the next video if we can. I’m excited about getting people more tools to create the life that they want to create, and not have to be so afraid. And then you also get to be the smart one who gets to help other people. One of the things for me that is so exciting is I got to get better at jealousy because of conversations I had with peers of mine and getting to pass these tools on to other people gets me excited.
Cathy: It’s very powerful. Recently a friend of mine got a huge promotion, they got a network thing that worked out really well for them. Part of me was, “Oh, God, when is that going to happen for me?” I went into that spiral a little bit, and then did some of the techniques you had taught me, and I did some tapping, and I realized that that person is actually paving the way, they’re going to get out there and help people learn more about tapping and more people are going to be interested. Just doing that reframe, and seeing it a little differently by going through those steps , I was able to look at what you’ve done, and actually pull the good stuff that worked for me out, and be really happy for her and celebrate that, and it just changed my whole day.
Reid: I’m going to tell you now what the distinction is — the difference for me between jealousy and envy is envy is, “I want what she’s having. I would like that too.” Jealousy is, “I want them out of the picture, and I want that without them getting that.”
Cathy: Yes, that was a powerful distinction for me. I’m actually very rarely jealous. I’m very envious sometimes. Just taking the sting out of that and being able to know I’m not a horrible person, I don’t want to push her off a cliff so I can have it. It was kind of fun.
Reid: Cool. Thank you for sharing that. Check in at the next video.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a very sensitive person, and feel insecure easily. I have fears that my body might not be sd great as the 3rd person we might bring in. Im so scared that my boyfriend might enjoy the other girl more, and that I might feel that I might not be enough for him anymore after such sn experience. I do get jealous and insecure bery easily. I am scared that I might develop problems after such an experience. How do I deal with these sdpects I have just mentioned? And are these gears normal?
You are completely normal, Lee! Inesecurities are VERY HUMAN. So, I guess you and I are human. (I have lots of insecurities as well, fyi) My advice is to build your relationship such that you and your loved ones can talk about “all the insecurities” and get them out in the open. I suggest that you both journal about your own secutiries, so you can basically list them out. Then put a few times in the calendar to talk about them. No rush. Practice taking baby-steps at going throught the lists and you each sharing things. Don’t try to do it all in one sitting. Talk about the insecurities and what you’d both need to feel more secure –I don’t try to ever get “rid” of my insecurities, I just try to get to a place where I feel more secure THAT I have insecurities. Your conversations are about normalizing that you have insecurities, jealousy, envy, etc. Once you get those “out in the open” and you two know that they exist, then you can investigate ideas on what would have you both feel more secure about things, what reassurance might look like from each of you, and how you both can call a “time out” if things get too worrisome or intense. These kinds of discussions, even if you never have a threesome or ___fill in the blank that makes you feel insecure___, can be very valuable. Hope that helps!
Have you checked out my Difficult Conversation Formula yet? Go to http://ReidAboutSex.ccom/convo for the blog post and free handout/worksheet download!