Do you know when to stop? Some women want to stop when they have an orgasm, and some women are multi-orgasmic, or just want to keep enjoying. Some men, too. Having a discussion with your partner about it can be really powerful. There’s ways that you can set up agreements ahead of time.
Join relationship expert Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com as they talk about when to stop in bed.
Cathy: In our video when we talked about how to know if she’s come so I can stop, and know when to stop, we got some replies. A couple people said, “Don’t stop! That’s awful!” We want to talk about knowing when to stop. This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: And Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: How do you know when to stop?
Reid: When somebody says, “Please stop.”
Cathy: Yes.
Reid: Or I’m like, “I have to stop.”
Cathy: My hand is falling apart.
Reid: It turned into a cramped hook. Oh no, arghhhh.
Cathy: Then switch hands.
Reid: I’m a pirate now. Arghhh.
Cathy: Which references an earlier video. Some women want to stop when they have an orgasm, and if I have a really intense one sometimes I’m like, “I was going to stop for now, anyway.”
Reid: Men are like that, too. Too much, too much, ehhhhh.
Cathy: It’s really great to model discussion, and some women are multi-orgasmic, or just want to keep enjoying. Men, too; some men. Having a discussion with your partner about it is really powerful. What do you generally like? Do you feel comfortable telling me when you want me to stop? There’s ways that you can set up agreements ahead of time.
Reid: Yup, it’s as simple as that. If you haven’t been noticing through most of these videos, it’s a lot about communication and less about mind reading. A lot of communication about sex happens better when you’re not having the sex. Have conversations at other times in your relationship, in your dating life, with the people that you want to knock boots with. You’re saying, “How do you like to be played with post-orgasm? Is your penis really sensitive? Should I just hold it and hug it? Do you want me to just put my hand over your vulva and put gentle pressure? Should I continue? What do you like?”
Cathy: Different people like different things.
Reid: Some people don’t even know what they like because no one’s ever asked them that question before, so they won’t have an answer for you.
Cathy: But you can experiment, which is really fun.
Reid: Research and development nights. These are the ways that you can start bringing more curiosity – and exploration and not having to all be know-it-alls all the time – into your playing and your fun, and be open … some people have discoveries where they’re like, “Oh my goodness, I like my penis played with this way after I come, or that way.” Then you’re also practicing talking about stuff. On that day where I don’t normally like stimulation on my penis after I’ve climaxed, “Oh my god! More! More! Keep going, keep going,” I have the wherewithal to start talking about changes I may need while we’re having the sex. Very hard for most people to learn how to talk about sex while they’re having sex.
Cathy: That practicing really helps.
Reid: Good. Leave your comments. How do you like your body to be played with or engaged with after climax? What kind of stimulation, or do you just want people to back away slowly? Comments below.