Ever get excited and cut people off? What can you do to make things better?
Find out with Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: We did a video on what to do if someone’s always cutting you off, but what if you cut other people off? This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: What were you saying?
Reid: Wow. We’re going to go right there. All right.
Cathy: I thought you were going to actually start.
Reid: No what?
Cathy: You cutting me off.
Reid: No, I don’t do that.
Cathy: I know that there’s times I get really excited and I don’t mean to or someone might be a slow processor compared to, I tend to …
Reid: You get really excited and then you just want to jump in.
Cathy: I think they’re done and I’ll start talking.
Reid: And you just agree with them. That was so smart.
Cathy: Well, finish their sentences.
Cathy: I hate that I do that and it’s hard. I have to really like catch myself and realize that just because they’re processing at a different speed, I’m not really helping them by finishing for them or interjecting and that, I love that you say that people just want to be seen and heard. If I can just slow down and be present with them and let them go at their speed and I apologize if can’t. I’m like, hey sorry, like I’m a little hyper today or something. Acknowledging that I’ve been cutting them off and apologize and then try to bring myself back to ground.
Olivia Fox Carbean talks about being present with your toes, because it brings your energy into your body. You even count their eyelashes, because it will help you like your brain…
Reid: Your toes have eyelashes?
Cathy: No it was a different sentence.
Reid: Oh, got it.
Cathy: Did you not see the period?
Reid: No, I did not see your verbal period.
Cathy: If you look at their, you want to be looking at their eyes and the busy part of our brain needs something to do sometimes, so like counting their eyelashes or noticing all the colors in their eyes, like most people have lots of different shades, will give the busy part of your brain something to do while you’re actually paying attention to the words and letting them process the way they need to. Do you have anything?
Reid: I mean the main thing is when I get excited and cut people off, I’ll, if I notice that I did it, I’ll be like, oh I totally just cut you off, what should we do now? I’ll either, they’ll say no, finish your thought and I’ll finish it or I just kind of hand it back over. Usually acknowledging that you cut somebody off or that you got so excited you jumped in, will usually mean a lot to a lot of people because sometimes the people who get cut off all the time never speak up about it, they’re just so resigned about it at this point. You being like, oh my God, I totally cut you off, I’m sorry, I just got excited, please continue.
That will help and it will help you start to practice noticing when you cut people off and then apologizing and handing the talking stick back over to them, that’s really great. The other thing that will happen for me when I’m in really geeky conversations with people is I’ll have an idea that I’m like oh, if I don’t put a post it note on it, I’ll forget it, because we’re deep in the geeking, so sometimes it will be like just post it note on this idea, and then I’m like back to you. That’s a much different kind of cutting off.
Cathy: It’s an acknowledgment. You’re not just stepping on them.
Reid: But that also already admits that we have a certain kind of flow and I’m just trying to make sure I don’t forget this point. Everyone’s different and owning and just noticing. Noticing that you have a problem is the beginning of the solution.
Cathy: We’d love to know what you do. How do you feel when someone cuts you off and what do you do when you cut somebody off? Leave comments below and let us know