Building Great Connection To Initiating Sex | Part 2

by Reid on December 15, 2020

Building Great Connection To Initiating Sex | Part 2

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: This video is part 2 to a video that has a part 1. If you haven’t watched part 1, this may not make any sense. Please go watch part 1, it’s probably we’ve done our job in the description below as a link.

Cathy: And we’ll try to explain enough so that if you’re…want to watch

Reid: No. Go watch video 1. I’m…we’re not explaining injunction but we love you. Bye, go watch the video. So bringing up to up to speed, now we’re role modeling the other situation which is I say “Hey, you know there’s this thing I’ve been I want to talk to you about what I’m afraid of it’s like going to be totally out of left field and that I’m going to surprise you and I’m just trying to check in just make sure we’re on the same page. Are you up for me starting a conversation that might surprise you?”

Cathy: And just so you know it’s about a trans…transitioning from having a connection to someone

Reid: Watch the first video. Don’t listen to Cathy right now. She’s cheating.

Cathy: If you want to transition from having a connection to initiating sex

Reid: Why are you enabling them? Watch the first video. Okay

Cathy: So

Reid: everything I said go

Cathy: Sure?

Reid: Okay great. Have you ever like I’m curious if you’ve ever been attracted to me physically like…like maybe there’s something erotic or sensual that could happen between us.

Cathy: Yeah, so now we’re modeling the positive. Yeah, I guess yes sort of I’m kind of embarrassed but yeah.

Reid: Okay, well so yay for…for embarrassment, I’m not trying to embarrass you but I am curious if we wanted to get more physical or…or intimate in our in our friendship, what that might look like for you?

Cathy: Oh it’s really like the way you said that, yeah we should talk about that.

Reid: Do you want to talk about it now or on a YouTube video for everyone to watch?

Cathy: Yeah and I think that’s…I liked how you said that yeah. So how would you initiate that conversation if someone’s like oh you don’t wanted…

Reid: No the best part is I…I would always be like how do you want to initiate?  I’m like you start

Cathy: [Laughing]

Reid: You do it. So the first thing is I would say is like so I…I want to open I want to open up this topic, I want to make sure that you and I know that this doesn’t mean anything has to happen like we were…we’re just talking about it like we’re thinking out loud together.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: It doesn’t it’s not a commitment to anything, we can call it off at any time, we can change our minds, we can backtrack like I’m just curious if we wanted to do this, what it might look like but talking about it doesn’t mean we’re automatically going to do it so I just want to give us some wiggle room

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: on that because some people think that when you start talking about something you’re implicitly agreeing to something.

Cathy: Right and does that mean you’re looking romantic or just having some fun?

Reid: I don’t know yet.

Cathy: Oh okay, yeah we should definitely talk about that.

Reid: Okay and what would what would talking about that look like for you like what would be an ideal situation or a way to proceed?

Cathy: Maybe snuggling on the couch and talking about what we each might like.

Reid: Okay, alright that feels that feels tricky for me ‘coz I don’t know that I wouldn’t be able to I wouldn’t I wouldn’t want to kiss you for snuggling.

Cathy: Oh, mmm well that could lead down the rabbit hole quickly.

Reid: It could.

Cathy: So maybe we should have this conversation sitting here

Reid: That sounds great

Cathy: in front of the camera

Reid: That’s great so we have a record of it.

Cathy: [Laughing]

Reid: And again, it’s going to feel completely clunky

Cathy: Yeah. No, I appreciate I like role modeling stuff because I think we see TV and movies where they’ve done 50 takes and someone else has written it and choreographed everything and it

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: that’s not how it works

Reid: No

Cathy: So yeah, so thank you for role modeling that

Reid: So and again and you can go to you can check out http://reidaboutsex.com/ R.E.I.D http://reidaboutsex.com/awkward so I have a whole thing where I talk about embracing the awkward it’s actually a formula

Cathy: I even have stickers

Reid: You have stickers? Cathy’s hiding stickers from us

Cathy: oh

Reid: Yeah, there’s an embrace the awkward sticker

Cathy: It’s about

Reid: And at the end, in the bottom it says http://reidaboutsex.com/awkward where that’s a whole like that’s a thing that I nerded out on because I needed a way to have awkward conversations. So when you take the embrace the awkward formula and combine it with the difficult conversation formula which is http://reidaboutsex.com/convo, both of those tools because these are really just tools will give you ways to get clarity and be able to practice about on this stuff. Once you get the hang of it and then also emotionally have the hang of it like you’re like “Oh wow like you know what, awkward conversations are awkward but when I have them, things are so much more clear or better or things can get weird or wobbly but on the other side of weird and wobbly is whether this is a good idea or not.”

Cathy: Well and the world expand because we tend to only be not awkward in our very small comfort zone where we’ve been a long time but you can get kind of boring or stagnant like it’s not really growth inducing and I love the phrase “The magic happens outside our comfort zones.” To get outside our comfort zones we have to go where we were awkward because by

Reid: You have to travel through those seas of awkwardness my friend.

Cathy: Yeah, by definition if you’re outside your comfort zone it’s new and little like new things are awkward often.

Reid: And so once you get comfortable with awkward and once you get comfortable having difficult conversations so much more is possible and available and often you can then have conversations with people to see what would be the best next move

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: or next choice and it allows you to slow things down but you have to be okay with “haaaah!” And if you can get okay with that feeling and be like “Oh yeah, totally”

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: “I know this feeling”

Cathy: It’s normal

Reid: it’s a superpower

Cathy: Yeah and I really love like people using their words because it’s embarrassing to say but I’ve been out on dates with people that I didn’t realize were dates until like two years later because they didn’t they didn’t use their words and I was like “Oh we’re friends going to the movies and then why did they dress up and wear cologne and”

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: “huh, okay they acted kind of weird that night but we’ll be fine” and then two years I’m like “That was a date.” So I’d be now relating, reciprocating like…like signals that might have initiated something else, they never said “Hey, I’m attracted to you” like ‘coz I don’t always get people don’t always get things maybe I’m slower than some about that but using your words is really powerful.

Reid: Yeah, for some people even…even when it’s awkward you using your words, being awkward with them, and…and staying to the other side of it like not just bailing that’s an experience of people being honest

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: and showing up that most people have never had in their in their lives.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: So if you are interested in you know creating powerful experiences or relationships, be that person or start being that person ‘coz this isn’t about perfectionist it’s about progress.

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: And again, leave some comments what do you think?

Cathy: Yeah, we’d love to know how was our role modeling

Reid: Hit subscribe.

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