My Partner Has Erectile Dysfunction, How Could We Have Safer Sex?

by Reid on June 15, 2020


My Partner Has Erectile Dysfunction, How Could We Have Safer Sex?



Cathy: Another intrepid viewer wrote in I’ve been enjoying your YouTube videos where you and Reid answer questions saying thank you so much for everything you do. I have a question and I haven’t been able to find an answer to regarding safer sex. How do you have safer sex with someone who has erectile dysfunction? So.. she… I  believed it’s she from a descript name says that she has a couple of male lovers who have erectile dysfunction and they can shift quickly between hard and semi hard and soft again they don’t get hard enough or stay semi hard to the point where condom can be rolled over the penis and stay in place. I would like to give them oral sex and I’m curious about barriers that could help make a safer experience. She tried.. she uses gloves for stroking and tried the female condom for penetration. What about blowjobs? Like to use my mouth section and run my mouth up and down the cock and the dental dentist seem like it would allow for that kind of section in mouth penetration. But I’m afraid a condom would just be sliding off too much. What do you think?


Reid:  Well, the easy answer, well thanks for this question.


Cathy: Yeah.


Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from


Cathy: Cathy Vartuli from


Reid: We love it when you writing questions so write them in. So it sounds like this is an oral sex situation but as a penis owner with the hydraulic issues occasionally. They.. what I have found is you can play with a  couple of different things but working backwards from the question the oral sex situation un.. you know unroll the condom onto the penis and then hold it at the base like hold the condom at the base with your fingers and your thumb so that when you’re playing or your fingers here like when your, nom nom nom nom nom nom, when you’re doing


Cathy: Do you make that noise too yourself?


Reid: Nom nom nom nom nom. I do. I do.


Cathy: Hahaha


Reid: Maybe that’s why people so.


Cathy: It’s over the air.


Reid: So but you’re using your fingers and your hands which again you’re creating connection and stimulation on the penis you know because I could be playing with somebody’s balls and using like kind of cupping balls and using my other fingers to make sure that the condoms on while I’m using a lot of suction. The good news is that from a harm reduction perspective STD exposure and transmission from oral is statistically lower than penetrative sex with ejaculation for a lot of nerdy reasons. So if you would get super vigorous and the condom slips off and you’re like, oh my god! Which when you think about it means you must be choking on the condom at this point because you’ve.. you’ve sucked so hard that you have inhaled it.


Cathy: Don’t do that.


Reid: Don’t do that either. Don’t die everyone but again like if you if the condom comes off yes you technically you’ve compromised things with you know skin-to-skin contact and fluid exchange with saliva and a penis but it’s kind of not the end of the world just go back to your protocols because this is more of a harm reduction approach and how you mitigate exposure and skin-to-skin contact but the fingers part on the bottom of the condom should work really well because when I play with penises that aren’t erect and I’m using condoms that’s kind of what I do and if I if our agreements are such for the playing that we have to use condoms I will often put a condom on a soft penis and start playing with it then because that’s kind of the only like you can do that like we just don’t think we can put condoms on flaccid penises.


Cathy: Well I think it depends too and if they’re girl or shower because some people when they’re softer they are not there’s not a lot to put pit in the condom.


Reid: Yeah. But then you just put it on top like a little hat you know and then you again it’s like it’s about playing but the other message is, if I’m playing with your penis when it’s flaccid then I’m role modelling it’s okay like flaccid penises deserve pleasure too.


Cathy: Yeah.


Reid: And I’m not you know and it sounds  like you have a great kind of flaccid penises but around the STI STD situation I would just use your fingers to keep the calm down and then have a grand old time and what else, do you have other ideas?


Cathy:  Well, I have a couple of people who have played with it has used cock rings because that way is when they get start getting harder they stay a little bit harder.


Reid: Stay a little bit harder.


Cathy:  Yeah, so I think they like that because it was a little more sensation because a little more skin.


Reid: What I haven’t tried is using cock rings as a mode of keeping the condom on kind of like cock condom garters I guess um so uh so yeah now I have to try that I want to check that out but yeah that can be really useful in keeping the penis more hard.


Cathy: Yeah and I think just just like if a man or a penis owner is fucking a vagina or an anus they should keep making sure the condoms there. It’s it’s a process of checking and making sure like “hey did it slip” “okay” and with our mouths we have a lot of sensitivity so it should be it.. can we start feeling skin you know that it’s starting to slip so maybe just play with that and see in different brands of condoms if what works better.


Reid: Yeah you could try smaller condoms and things like that for when the penis is more flaccid but I’m going to say fingers probably the most useful when you’re playing with oral.


Cathy: Yeah. We hope this helps.


Reid: Yeah. Leave some questions and comments what are your tips and tricks out there universe? Go!



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