I Only Feel Climax During Sex But Not With Masturbation, What Should I Do?
Cathy: I have a very weird lusting problem I’d love your help with. For some
Reid: What is it Cathy? Tell me.
Cathy: I have many problems but this is this was from one of our viewers
Reid: What is it? Tell me.
Cathy: For some reason, this…he only climaxes during sex. He’s never been able to climax during masturbation or oral sex even if… as he is a teenager but once he penetrates someone, he’s like… he feel lust in eight strokes before he finished.
Reid: Oh, okay.
Cathy: He’s heard… he tried methods of masturbating for hours and kind of trying to delay the climax but masturbation does nothing for him. So I wonder if you have any advice you’d recommend for this?
Reid: Awesome! Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/
Cathy: Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/
Reid: We love when you write in
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: your questions it gives us lots of good stuff to talk about. So we’re not doctors, neither we play doctors on the internet. So sometimes, I think you should go if you feel comfortable with your…whoever you’re seeing as a physician go and check and just make sure there’s not any kind of medical things. And also understand for this is more advice overall, if you’re on any kind of medication or you’ve been getting some sort of treatment for something that can also make achieving orgasm very difficult and you just want to kind of like do you do diligence and just check those two boxes first and then we start to now get into the realm of just you know emotions and…and your psychological approach
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: Or ideas of sex and then also just skill set stuff.
Cathy: Yeah. Well this…this occurs to me that there might be an erotic component so there’s sensuality which is the physical sensation which is not… I mean there’s…there’s it’s somewhat different between penetration and oral and it’s not…there’s not a lot of difference there generally.
Reid: What do you mean?
Cathy: I mean this… there’s still a lot of stimulation
Reid: It’s very different to me.
Cathy: I
Reid: Who are you?
Cathy: I’m try to say there’s a lot of stimulation there for both of them. There’s a lot of sensation for both of them.
Reid: Uhuh
Cathy: Whereas erotically, if someone’s in their head makes I mean that there’s a lot more… hot to have penetration
Reid: Sure. So, like maybe it, if
Cathy: My point actually if you want to pick up me that’s actually a good point.
Reid: Yeah. If…if a raspy just getting over a cold voice does it for you, then this video is adding something. Cathy’s voice is adding something
Cathy: Yeah, erotically to your brain
Reid: To the sex that you you’re…you’re experiencing sense… sensation wise.
Cathy: Yeah. So, there’s the physical sensation
Reid: Yeah
Cathy: of penetration or oral or masturbation, there’s a lot of….the nerves are getting stimulated for all three of those very much. Even in [Inaudible 00:02:47] they are different ways but erotically in your brain it may be that your brain doesn’t they gets… really hot to have oral sex or masturbation
Reid: Just blowjob but
Cathy: Right
Reid: But a blow job from Batman and you’re like, “yeah!”
Cathy: So, one that I had is if you you’re like you only lusting eight strokes, what if you found someone who likes to play that way where you can do two strokes and then do some oral sex or two strokes and they masturbate, they…they do some hand work and just kind of help your brain anchor really good feelings with penetration like go back and
Reid: Yeah
Cathy: forth
Reid: So, the other…okay so now….now let’s…let’s geek out here right
Cathy: Are we… weren’t before?
Reid: Well no but now like….now I’m getting into like we’re going to break this down mode. So we’ve got what’s erotic
Cathy: Yup
Reid: and maybe it’s just erotic to be fucking someone
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: Right? Then there’s the kind of sensation that’s happening when you’re penetrating somebody right like so for me you know fucking a….a vagina feels tremendously different than fucking an ass and sensation wise, I don’t really come ever from…from fucking somebody’s ass. Just because it doesn’t it it’s not the kind of sensation that my penis likes to get off.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: If that makes any sense, right? I’m still you know I’m still fucking something
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: But it’s not it’s…it’s just different
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: And that’s not so much and…and may be if a little bit of it is erotic but as a nerd I can do like, “Okay, so let’s put the erotic to the side and I’m like I’m just dealing with the sensation
Cathy: Right
Reid: that’s all.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: but for somebody else, “oh my god! You’re letting me fuck your ass is so hot!”
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: It doesn’t matter what the sensation is. So when you start breaking things down from this perspective also taking into consideration that masturbating… you’re touching yourself.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: So, the biofeedback is just very different sensationalized than when somebody else is giving you a hand job. This
Cathy: Yup
Reid: What I’m curious about is as a as somebody who knows that they come and…and comes very quickly in this scenario from penetrating a vulva, I want to know what your experiences masturbating with a fleshlight either a fleshlight or there’s a masturbation sleeve called Bluett. Those two I would recommend for you to experiment on because they feel very close to what penetrating a…a pussy feels like. In my experience I mean they’re different but it’s a lot closer than getting a blowjob and the way that they’re made there’s a little there’s some cushion because there’s there about you know three or four inches in diameter the part that you’re fucking, so there’s that kind of you can you can hump it and grind it.
Reid: Whereas other masturbation sleeves it’s really like you…you you’re using your hand to squeeze
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: the sleeve and I wouldn’t recommend that for this experiment. If you have the money to buy a fleshlight or a Bluett, I would say get one and then when you try it use lube but take the…the squishy part out of the container and soak it in body temperature hot water for like five minutes and let it get body temperature. Then tell me what you got going on because I’m really curious if how the sensation tracks
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: And if you can cum using a fleshlight or a Bluett, then you can practice humping it and trying to learn how not to ejaculate too quickly.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: This is about breathing, this is about different body positions, this is about you know you starting to practice now how to learn ejaculation control and if that’s something I talked a little bit about or a lot about in some ways in my sex 10x online course which you can go check out it at http://sex10xonline.com/.
Do you want to add anything?
Cathy: I… I just
Reid: Or advice as…as a receiver?
Cathy: I think just to really talk to your partner about it that you want to try different things and you know just penetrating twice then you know touching yourself or having her touch you just kind of changing the…the…the energy around might be really curious. It might be really fun for both of you and allow you to associate that turn on with other things.
Reid: Yeah. And if it’s erotic too and you have a partner to…to practice with, try this is going to sound so weird but…but when you wrap your head around it so for me I’m not really into it…into asses.
Cathy: Right
Reid: Like I like butts but I’m not like into ass fucking. So me jerking off with somebody’s ass right there isn’t like, “oh, yeah!” However, I’m really into pussy. So if I’m jerking off and your vagina’s right there and I’m like “yeah! Like oh my goodness my brain is going nuts!”
So, for your practicing with masturbation if you have a willing partner to lie there and be like “hello, welcome! Here’s my vulva.”
Cathy: And I like you to look at it while you’re masturbating
Reid: See if that helps?
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: You get over the edge and now we’re just kind of mapping out different things that are working
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: and those Venn diagrams where you’re looking for the overlap. There’s a lot in this video it’s already getting long but start there
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: And then right back to us and let us know how it goes
Cathy: We’d love
Reid: Good luck!
Cathy: to know. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your questions.