Emotional Hangovers | Facebook Walk With Reid
Reid: Hello everybody! It’s Reid from https://reidaboutsex.com/ and I’ve got my sex geek t-shirt on today and the…it’s sunny so sunny I put my hat my cap on. My cap more beaver on it. Maybe that means something maybe it doesn’t, maybe sometimes the beaver is just a beaver.
Now we’re taking our morning walk today or afternoon walk or evening walk wherever you are and so today I’m going to talk about emotional hangovers. I also taped a little piece of cardboard on the side of my phone because I think if I’m talking at the phone the sound is going to bounce into the phone microphone better. So let me know if the sound is good. Can you hear me? Am I loud and clear? And we’re are you commenting from today in the world? Where are you from? Because I just want to hear or read where people are commenting from as we take our walk. And today we’re gonna talk about emotional hangovers for those of you who saw last night’s video. I posted real quick from Bawdy storytelling which is a dirty storytelling event and it was Bawdy’s 10th anniversary. Ten years of, of stories and you could watch the live broadcast or watch it today or another time. So I wanted to promote that and then the other thing that was going on with Bawdy if you’re interested in Bawdy storytelling go to https://bawdystorytelling.com/ they have a podcast out now. I was sharing about how watching or listening to storytelling podcasts or videos where people are telling their true stories those can be really helpful for those of us struggling with fear and shame around sexuality.
I’m just going to check the comments, sound is okay but not much different. Okay. Okay good. That’s just good to know. I’ll try to re reconfigure the, the lapel microphone for the next time ‘coz I think that works out better overall. But, but the idea of listening to stories and seeing people getting actual evidence that people can share their, their shame, their pain, their celebrations when it comes to sexuality and that lightning doesn’t come through the building lightning doesn’t come through building and strike them, God doesn’t reach down and smite them when you get to see people sharing like that, they’re what’s so beautiful about it I think as a sexual relationship educator is they’re doing the work of normalizing that it’s okay to talk about these things because if it’s okay to talk about it on stage then you know well maybe it’s okay to talk about it on…. Good morning everyone! Maybe it’s okay to talk about it with your partner, with the person that you’re dating, with the… with a friend that you’re struggling you know to try to figure out something and you need support, maybe it’s okay to talk to a therapist. So just getting examples of people talking about their love lives when it’s congruent for them to do so because you’re allowed to have your privacy as well. I think those things are really important in us role modeling and normalizing that’s okay to talk about sex. So, if you think it’s okay to talk about sex, make it rain some emoticons please because that’s always fun for me to watch and see. But the, the other thing is just you know you don’t have to you don’t have to be the one breaking the ice in that situation ‘coz you’re using videos to help role model for other people that you know the people that you’re trying to talk to. You’re using those videos to help break the ice and build up your muscles to be able to share vulnerably. It’s also Bawdy storytelling and other storytelling events like that can be really powerful to give people more examples of you know all the variety of sex and [Inaudible 00:04:46]. The diversity of things that people can be into and also role modeling that’s okay to show that sex doesn’t always work out okay like there’s times where it goes wrong or there are sex that you can regret and that that life doesn’t necessarily end. And that that can be really important to empower for people to have examples of that because we think that it all has to go amazingly well like we see in the movies and we forget that the movies are edited, that they’re not they’re not always true representations of things.
Other things that are going on in this conversation is just talking about emotional hangovers and that when you do share deeply and intimately about what’s going on for you that it’s normal to wake up the next day or even not the same day feel like, “Oh my goodness. What happened? I did it. Ahhhh! I can’t take it back.” The cat is out of the bag so to speak and that it is okay it is normal to have worries, concerns, and emotional hangover from being vulnerable and why this is important to understand to know is that when somebody else shares vulnerably with you, do your best to remember that they might have an emotional hangover and when you can like we don’t none of us are perfect. I’m not even perfect about this. But how can you thank them? How can you appreciate somebody for sharing vulnerably? And then maybe the next day like text them and tell them that you really it meant a lot to you that they shared. Even if you’re upset you can say “Hey you know I’m still upset but I just want to let you know that in the world where people don’t actually share what’s true for them, I appreciate that you have the courage to share and as soon as I move through and navigate what’s going on for me I’d like to, to continue the conversation.” I think understanding that people and giving yourself the grace to be able to go through emotional hangovers can be really useful to great life skill and then the other thing is like real hangovers they do pass. So no matter how horrible you’re feeling they will the, the hangover goes away.
Just you know in life, in general just drink plenty of fluids, make sure you, you get something to eat in your system. Get some rest like all normal self-care applies in the same way that you would try to take care of an actual hangover. You can do the same thing with an emotional hangover you know go for a walk or bike ride like go outside uhhhh! Breathe some air and you know move your body a little bit so that you can a… start to work off or work through that hangover. I’m of the belief that it is more important to share what it is you’re not saying than to hide it or withhold it. That’s a different thing if it’s a privacy thing like its no… nobody’s business or you need more privacy to figure something out and get clarity that’s different. But if you are hiding things and, and avoiding conversations that you should be having with people to be an adult and to be on integrity I think you’re better off sharing them no matter how bad the hangover. That’s my belief you adjust it for yourself but I think it’s what we’re not saying that is ruining our relationship and when you’re not telling people the truth that’s when it can really come and bite you in the ass maybe not immediately but it will eventually come bite you in the ass.
That being said we had Bawdy storytelling last night. I told story I was very candid and had a lot of fun with it but I noticed today I was worried. What do people gonna think? Oh my goodness and so I’m having an emotional hangover a little bit just a smitch and going outside and sharing with you vulnerably about my hangover is helping a… helping that shift a lot. So I’m going to leave it there if you want to develop more skills around storytelling go to https://bawdystorytelling.com/ ‘coz I think Dixie is going to be teaching a class and she’s amazing.
If you want to have some help on having difficult conversations go to https://reidaboutsex.com/convo C.O.N.V.O and there’s a whole a… whole worksheet there is an article that you can read, there is a worksheet that you can do so you can get better at practicing those vulnerability muscles and I just want to say thank you everyone for watching my videos. Leave a comment. I’ll check them in I’ll check out the comments when I get inside and the… I’ll leave you on the sunny sunny weekend day.
Have a great day everyone and good luck with your hangovers!