How do you tell your date that you don’t want to continue with your date?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: What do you if your date bores you?
Reid: Go on a second date! No!
Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: And what would you do if your date bored you?
Reid: I would say, “This is been a lovely evening…”
Cathy: In the middle of a [inaudible 00:00:17]
Reid: Yeah. I’m like, “I think I’ve determined that I don’t want to continue this date nor would I like have a second one. So rather than waste each other’s time, would you like to call the game early?”
Cathy: That’s much nicer for you than some other things where I just felt like I had to go to the end of the date and then not go out again.
Reid: And why did you feel like you had to go complete the day?
Cathy: I know people have busy lives and scheduling. I feel like they wanted to take it out and have a good time.
Reid: And you are a good time.
Cathy: Thank you. I’ve tried to be entertaining but sometimes it’s like… I’d say something and there’s no volley back and it’s like after 30 minutes of that…
Reid: So you just throwing Frisbees into the dark?
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: Who’s throwing them back?
Cathy: Or I start hitting on the waitress. It’s really painful.
Reid: Yeah
Cathy: I was also raised to be super polite that you would never leave them in the middle of a meal.
Reid: So, let me ask you this question and you at home ask yourselves this questions. If you are on a date and the other person realized that you two were in a good match, whether it’s boring or whatever, right? Somebody can be like life of a party you’re still like, “Ahh, I’m not into it.” So whatever the reason, how would you like them to communicate you or would you feel better if they just finish the date with you?
Cathy: I think I have a fear of being left alone in a restaurant like someone getting off and meet me like with a food in front of us, either I want to leave together like not we left at the table or like, “Hey, this isn’t going really well but let’s just finish this course and let’s leave.” kind of thing, but be more acceptable than just like, “Hey, this is not working and I know there’s non [inaudible 00:02:15] coming but bye.”
I tend to be… I was raised to be like super polite and ask if you leave the table kind of thing.
Reid: And so has that being super polite helped you in your dating?
Cathy: No, I think it actually gets in the way of a lot of stuff but I am glad I have the skills to be polite. Since I wouldn’t want to be left in the middle of a meal, there’s a certain shame you feel about it. I can tolerate for another 20 minutes kind of thing.
Reid: Okay. Would you rather that person tell you that they going to tolerate the next 20 minute? I’m geeking out on this. I had facts, ideas, and advice but I’m usually not [inaudible 00:03:00]
Cathy: Yeah. I think I would like to know but I know a lot of people aren’t quite as direct as I’m going to be.
Reid: Here’s my advice, before you go on a date, have the person watch this video because now you have the video and be like, “Hey, if we get for somehow realized that the date should end before it’s ended, how do you want to do that? So that we both feel respected and awesome about it and not have to like linger on to something that we shouldn’t be there for. We might as well role model this kind of honesty and transparency and being kind and gentle and respectful, would you be up for that?”
If you build it in to the pre-date, then it might still be awkward but it’s not a surprise.
Cathy: Yeah. And you can send it to them ahead if they’re willing to watch it and it could… it’s a way to filter people.
Reid: Date [inaudible 00:04:05] my friends, courtesy of Cathy Vartuli and Reid Mihalko. So you could do that way. I don’t know, I mean I think you can be polite and still deliver tough news and if people don’t handle news like being honest and transparent even if it’s a little bit clunky, we don’t handle it well…
Cathy: It’s not a good person to date.
Reid: Well now you know.
Cathy: I think it’s much better to use your words rather than point the fire distinguisher or fire alarm or preventing to choke on a bread stick. I contemplated it one day.
Reid: Really? Wow.
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: I didn’t know your clue.
Cathy: Please leave comments below. We’d love to know what you think and what would be an effective way for people to tell you and how would you like to tell people or would you stay to the end?
Reid: Stay to the end… of the video. Bye!