Somebody Said, “It’s Okay To Fall In Love With My Partner”…How Can I Prove That It’s True?

by Reid on February 26, 2021

Somebody Said, “It’s Okay To Fall In Love With My Partner”…How Can I Prove That It’s True?

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello everyone it’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and you get in the bed head this morning. This is the first dunk in the hot tub and we have a…a…somebody wrote in with an amazing…amazing email and question and…and I got permission from this lovely human being to share it and I can’t remember if they said it was okay to use their name so I’m just going to say this is this is from anonymous.

I’m in a hot tub where are you today? And this is a really this is really…this is good I’m just gonna read it. Allison and I are running some errands today we’re picking up some furniture for the house so I have to stay on task. Alright, “Hi Reid! Finally I just wanted to say thank you for doing this great work you do. Second, yes I have a question. I guess I kind of need to set the stage for this so you can understand where I come from. My family raised me in a way that was very traditional like they drove that shit home in your head all the time and that if you veered from that you would be going straight to hell.” Hit some emoticons if you know what that feels like or if you know somebody like that. “That being said, I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I would feel romantic feelings to multiple people at the same time, I never let myself act on these feelings because I never let them get deep. I have been with my wife for now for about 10 years, we’ve had this swinger type of things in the past where we messed around with other people but were never to get feelings from them because friendship it was…feelings for them beyond friendship because it was just for fun.

Recently however I met this girl online. I play an online game with her. We have played together now for like five months. I didn’t catch it at the time but we were falling in love with each other the entire time. I still love my wife and so I went I went to her and I told her.”  Good job! Good job anonymous. “Most frightening thing I have ever done. Lo and behold my wife tells me that she’s happy for me and wants to talk to this woman, this blew my mind. I never knew my wife would be okay with me actually loving another woman and it turned out that this woman’s husband’s was…was okay with it also. He talked to me on the phone and told me he had no problem with us being together. He’s happy for us as long as I’m not trying to get his wife to leave him for me. Here is why I’m writing, I have fears that maybe he really isn’t okay with it it’s just like I’m sure she wonders sometimes if my wife is okay with it but my wife is so okay with it. We’re now looking into possibly relocating to be closer to them. How is the best way to handle this situation? I mean is there any way to know for sure that he’s okay with it? I’m a big man and I’ll admit I’m scared that I may lose one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Any advice?” Signed anonymous.

Oh my goodness like I live for emails like this this is amazing and I’m super glad that that so many of you enjoyed these videos because I get to kind of like the answer them in video format which is actually easier for me to do than…than…than to try to write a long email but that’s just me. That being said um thank you so much anonymous for this. So here’s…here’s what I would do then this is all just this is Reid’s advice, take what’s useful, absorb what’s useful like Bruce Lee and Dan Inosanto said but…but chuck the rest and go find other tools to build the life of your dreams. I would ask you all you know I’m wondering if you all have gotten together yet or if you all four of you have gotten to you know like on Skype or something like that to kind of video chat, kinda like meet the families but I would plan doing something together I mean if you’re looking to relocate then you need to go on a reconnaissance mission anyway and do some scouting. So one of the ways to for you to maybe conquer some of your fears and insecurities around if can really trust the husband is like why not the two of you go and visit them like go check out the…the area and do some reconnaissance kind of like you know double dip. You’re looking maybe to relocate you need to check out the area anyway and you get to kind of hang out with them not like you’re gonna be all four of you gonna be living together in marital bliss but like for me personally it’s much more important to get a read on somebody no pun intended like face to face like in in in meatspace as they used to say in…in old computer days in real life.

And…and again like you know just kind of get a read on the situation I mean that you talked to him on the phone, that your wife talked to her like these are all really awesome signs and it’s sweet of you to be concerned it’s human of you to be surprised that everyone’s okay with it and so this kind of falls into maybe this is abundance issues like you’re just worrying because everything’s so…so great for you and new and surprising and I would advise you to keep being the you that you’re being like be honest with everybody I’m not like you have to have huge processing conversations with the husband but I would I would look at being able to share vulnerably, “Hey these are these are the things that are coming up for me I think I’m having abundance issues. I’m afraid that that you’re all just being nice to me and you’re not really okay with everything.” And then ask yourself like what would you need to trust him like this is a this is a trust conversation which is…is a great conversation take to get some tools on for yourself just to understand like how do you trust people, what makes what would make this situation have you relaxed a little bit more? It might just be you know like over time that that you all of a sudden believe him because he’s never gotten upset about you being in love with his wife. And just understand like you’re gonna have deep feelings with people and things can look like you know relationships in in poly relationships can look alike a lot of different things so you’re embarking on this journey of figuring out like what’s a really good fit for you all.

I have some poly resources for stuff if you haven’t already geeked out on that so you can go to http://reidaboutsex.com/poly  and that’ll sign you up for the….you can sign up for resource lists and stuff like that. The other thing I mean if…if…if you’re all four of you are feeling super you know bold about nerding out on relationship skill sets and whatnot and it fits your budget and things you might want to consider the four of you coming down to…to High Performance Relationship Mastery the three-day weekend and…and like let’s just get geek out on relationship tools and skill sets and some sexuality tools and sexual self-confidence tools and skill sets for three days and you the four of you can use that as like a field trip to get to know each other and then it doesn’t sound like you have you know weirdness around like home court advantage like if you guys go visit them on their turf then that feels weird, it doesn’t sound like that from your email but sometimes like neutral ground for…for meeting…meeting up and meeting people spouses or primary significant others, neutral ground can be really good for some people. It doesn’t it doesn’t sound like this is you know that the neutral ground thing is is problematic at all. So if you’re interested in taking a field trip all four of you then you can go to http://reidaboutsex.com/HPRM  that’s for High-Performance Relationship Mastery and check out the event that’s coming up like in a couple of weeks it’s like kind of real fast.

Other than that just keep doing what you’re doing and there’s also a book by Gay Hendricks or Guy Hendricks or Gary Hendricks that I think is called One Big Leap which is a little bit woo woo but woo woo in a in a very palatable way for skeptics, for the woo woo folk out there you’ll love the book anyway…that talks about…One Big Leap talks about abundance issues and how when things are going really great like we get caught into like fear loops and worried. I mean I’m having that with this home where Allison and I just bought this home and I’m loving having a hot tub and you know there are trees and leaves everywhere like now I have to rake but like I’m…everything’s going so well I’m worried I’m gonna fuck it up.

So I don’t know. I hope that’s helpful. Thank you so much for this email this is amazing. I’m just gonna keep it short and sweet but I’m very curious for all of you watching, what are your thoughts? What would you need to trust and believe when somebody’s partner says it’s okay to fall in love with my partner? I’m just really curious about that so leave your thoughts if you want, you can DM me if you need to and please, please, please keep sending me these emails they’re amazing and I really…I love hearing from everybody and you can always email me at Reid@reidaboutsex.com/.

Alright, that’s it. For those of you in Southern California or you know who can get to Southern California December 1st, 2nd, and 3rd is High-Performance Relationship Mastery check it out at http://reidaboutsex.com/HPRM High-Performance Relationship Mastery. Bye, everyone!

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