Massaging the G-Spot Ala Spider Man! | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on April 21, 2020

Massaging the G-Spot Ala Spider-Man! | Facebook Walk With Reid

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello Sex Geeks! It’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and today I am wearing my spider-man shirt because it occurred to me as I was lamenting Netflix’s Iron Fist series I’m….I’m slowly furious about the show for lots of different reasons, one having been active in the martial arts community and in the stunt choreography and fight scene choreography communities back in Manhattan and on the East Coast.

I was really excited for Iron Fist especially after Luke Cage and Jessica Jones and even Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D that like this is the glory day for a nerd like me who grew up reading Marvel Comics and….and actually interned at Marvel Comics for those who don’t know because I was a comic book artist before all of this in another life. I’m also it’s really windy today so I apologize for the wind. I’m trying to walk where it’s not so windy and for those of you who remember the mural the day we walked by that mural I would walk there now but it’s really windy so we’re going to go this way. It occurred to me with when I saw my spider-man shirt today because I also asked you all the other day if…..if you….if you really cared what shirt I wore because I was trying to wear my sex geek summer camp shirts for business advice. I was trying to wear a sex geek t-shirt for relationship advice and then all like everybody was like “yeah Reid, like wear different shirts. It just looks better.” And then you know if I wear a button-down shirt or something fancy there are people who enjoyed that I actually looked presentable not that this is not presentable. This is an amazing t-shirt in form-fitting and makes me feel like the way I wanted to feel when I was wearing you know whatever Marvel costume I was wearing as a kid trick-or-treating.

So today, I want to talk to you about why spider-man would be horrible at G-Spot massage and the idea is if we if we talked about his web-slinging ability for those of you who….who, aren’t comic book fans please just bear with me. I will get to the good stuff in a minute but there’s this motion that spider-man does Peter Parker where he is hitting his web-slinger device and releasing the web from his palms. There is also in the…you know sex educator and also adult porn community and you know just kind of like Googling how to get people to squirt because not that good sex has to be about squirting and female ejaculation or vulva owner ejaculation because maybe you don’t identify as female and you have a…a vagina and you have a G-spot and you can ejaculate so it wouldn’t necessarily have to always be called female ejaculation. Of course if you identify as a female then by all means call it whatever you want but I’m going to mind my P’s and Q’s as a nerd and as geek and try to represent all kinds of body types and gender identities because not everybody is binary conforming when it comes to….to gender you can be gender nonconforming whatever that’s why I say vulva owners and penis owners and of course you can call your…your genitalia whatever you would like. So I’m just going to keep walking back and forth ‘coz this huge building or set of buildings seems to do a good job of blocking the wind.

So the idea is with the Spidey and his web-slinging abilities in the G-spot massage community where people are trying to learn how to make other people’s squirt. There’s this idea of the come-hither motion or come-hither motion this way for as a means of massaging the G-spot in encouraging somebody to…to squirt to ejaculate. So, first off as an educator don’t make it about trying to get some sort of goal to happen. It’s okay to point in that direction but I think our overachieving this as a society especially Americans. Our overachieving this has seeped into the bedroom so that now if you’re not squirting across the room and knocking over a lamp or something or if you’re you know erection isn’t so hard that your partner can do chin-ups off of it somehow you’re broken. So our overachieving this has made more people feel broken and because so many people get their visual information for how sex is supposed to look from watching mainstream porn and since so many porn performers are basically the Cirque du Soleil and Olympic athlete of the bedroom, we get weird representations of what we think is supposed to be like normal and then it’s…it’s….it’s fucking with people’s heads. So understand that the people that you often see in porn Jessica Drake, Nina Hartley, Usha like all these amazing people Jizzly, Jack Hammer like these people are like this is their nerd place. They are the superheroes, they are the X-men of the bedroom and they have developed their superpowers and that you know just because so-and-so can fit whatever in their butt does not mean that you are broken because you can only fit a pinkie or that you’re broken because you don’t even like things in your butt. You’re allowed to like what you like and you’re allowed to not like what you don’t like. You are not broken and let’s work together as a community of sex geeks to try to help people not feel broken and let’s reclaim as I said recently in Dawn Serra’s Sex Gets Real podcast like let’s reclaim like mediocre sex like non-Olympic, non-marathon sex like just normal regular things can be okay.

That being said if you’d like any of what I’m saying give me some emoticons as I move on towards the G-spot idea and second thing around G-spot or making anybody try to anybody’s bodies or making yourself your own body do some amazing fantastical feet breathe, go slow, take time to learn what works what doesn’t work for you. It’s okay to try something and then want to stop and not be in the mood or be in the mood and then kind of fall out of the mood or you know not be in the mood and all of a sudden you’re in the mood like understand that you’re dealing with a human vessel that can be moody, can be unpredictable and that you’re not always nor should I do I think you should you’re not always trying to make something happen in you know think of sex more like jazz and play and riff and jam with each other rather than it being you know an Olympic-level event where this is your third and final dive off the high dive board and you have to nail it this time to win the gold. It creates way too much pressure for most people.

Third thing around G-spot massage and ejaculation understand that taking more time and letting people’s bodies really come online, letting all the erectile tissue really become engorged and everything become juicy and giving people time for their blood chemistry to shift where their body has dumped a bunch of endorphins and allowed you know everything to kind of like you know just open up and relax and you know people’s arousal to really just kind of you know simmer rather than trying to you know do this kind of microwave oven version of sex where you try to get the water boiling in a minute-and-a-half. People’s bodies for the most part if you had to make an educated guess for everyone more time for people to get turned on is almost always better than trying to rush it. Just lets that that I can feel safe kind of saying. There are always exceptions to that rule but for the most part when in doubt you know take twenty minutes rather than two minutes to get people really warmed up and encourage people to be able to communicate with each other, to ask for adjustments to you know speak up and say slow down or speed up or more pressure or less pressure. So build those relationships where you can communicate with each other as you explore this this adventure that is called ejaculation and trying something new and realizing that you don’t like it that’s a win. You are not broken. You have discovered something that you don’t like so congratulate yourself and….and each other for trying something new for exploring new worlds and for discovering something that you don’t like. You are not broken or unevolved if there are things that you don’t like that’s win and I think we don’t teach people that exploring you know trying something new, trying escargot or something or you know some you know new tofu dish or cultural food and like not liking it but you should be congratulated that you tried something new not that you’re broken because you don’t like escargot or you know whatever you know food you’re not broken you tried something new you just realized you didn’t like it. Please apply that to sex as well and then give yourself room to not be good at things at first. Sometimes things feel awkward and frustrating because we’re trying them for the first time and we’re learning, we’re in our learning curve and that’s why it’s frustrating and that’s why it’s clunky. So you know please give yourself room to…..to suck at things in the beginning and to realize that as you both or as many people as you have in the bedroom trying these things as you both or as yourself are you…..as you’re trying these new things it’s normal to feel frustrated because you’re in a learning curve in building new neural pathways and fumbling around trying to….to get better at something. For most human beings that is frustrating not exciting and if you’re lucky you can start to teach yourself that that kind of frustration is the beginning of a breakthrough and then that that that frustration can become exciting for some of us on a good day, not all days.

Other things to help set the territory feel free to comment about what you like these ideas “aha” moment you might be having. I’ll look at the comments when I get home today but I want to finish this up before I get to get to run out of battery. The G-spot web slinging move now that we kind of we set the….the tone, we’ve created the space and the context for people to learn so that hopefully to not feel too pressured, to not feel wrong or broken now let’s explore the actual physical technique and in my http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ 6-week workshop we….I have a bunch of different videos where we talk about a lot of different things about the….the human body for vulva owners and for penis owners about giving and receiving pleasure. So if you curious about some free videos on….on that and possibly doing six weeks online with me then you can go to http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ and sign up for some free videos and then you’ll get an invite to go deeper no pun intended or yes pun intended.

So with G-spot massage and ejaculation, people talk about this come-hither motion and the thing to understand about it when you’re trying to find somebody’s G-spot is that the G-spot is kind of like your lap in that when you’re standing up you don’t have a lap and when you’re sitting down all of a sudden tada! You have a lap. The G-spot doesn’t really exist until your erectile tissue in your pelvis is fully engorged. So when everything is warmed up and hard and heavy and aroused and everything is engorged and your [Inaudible 00:14:19] is engorged then your G-spot basically kind of appears. This is all my opinion, other people share this opinion but I’ll take the brunt of it if you want to disagree, disagree with me.

There is a great book by Sheri Winston called The Female Anatomy of Arousal I would recommend that everybody read that book it is a great book and will give you a lot of you know a lot of the information if you are a reader, if you’re adult learning style is not words off of paper or off of that kindle then….then maybe http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ would be more useful for you because it’s all videos and transcripts and some audios and stuff like that but when the erectile tissue is fully online and engorged then there’s basically a G-spot and if you try to massage the G-spot before it’s fully aroused for most people it feels wrong. It feels like you’re…you’re just kind of digging for change so to speak or if you use one finger for some people it can feel too poky, it’s too thin of a…..of a motion and so what…..what I have found to be really useful and….and helpful is that you use two fingers and two fingers seems to for not everybody but a lot of people’s bodies seems to help distribute the sensation in a way that where you’re covering more of the erectile tissue like you’re you’re….you’re pushing it rather than….than poking it and you’re massaging it rather than digging at it if that makes any sense. A good analogy for massage would be when somebody is using their thumb and it’s too poky, it’s too sharp but when they switch to their elbow it’s like “oh, that feels better.” It’s…..the….the pressure is more broadly distributed and that is the pressure that your body likes more. So thinking about you know having two fingers to do the massage also requires that the person is aroused enough for them to be to you know for two fingers that kind of thicker penetration to feel good and I was trying to bring you over the back look at the mural. Say hi to the mural with some emoticons and now it’s windy over here so let me go back to where we were. So the….the broader based massage tends to feel better and now that we’ve got two fingers in, everything is engorged, use Lube use Lube use Lube. Hit a bunch of emoticons for the word Lube pretends that…..that your emoticon button is the pump on the Lube bottle and just keep pumping out that Lube ladies and gentlemen. You’ve got Lube, the person is aroused, you’ve got consent they want you to enter them, you’re asking them if…if you can massage their G-spot they say yes, they’re wiggling onto your….your fingers because that’s what they want and now….now is where you have to go slow and maybe you’re kind of doing a come-hither but what I think you should do which is also been my experience when I teach people to do G-spot massage is that it’s not the come-hither it’s more of a we get in the shade here it’s more of a lifting than it is a come-hither. Okay? It’s more of a lifting and it’s a lifting with a rocking of your fingers and your….and your hand because what you’re what you’re ultimately doing is I’m taking my knuckles here and I’m….I’m humping the labia and the outside of the vagina, the vulva. I’m rocking in with the broader part of my hand against the clitoral legs and the corpus cavernosum, all the erectile tissue that’s right underneath the labia as I’m using the flat of my fingers to lift up maybe I’m doing a little bit of a wave motion but that’s very different than me doing this with my fingers. So I’m doing this kind of wave while I’m rocking with my fist which means I’m using my arms, my forearm and my shoulder to kind of rock in and that motion tends to be that kind of massage with the lift as I rock that seems to be the actual motion that helps people get to a place where they can ejaculate if that’s going to happen and it’s kind of like it’s more of a rocking motion than it is a milking motion. You’ll…you’ll hear a lot of especially with certain porn stars talking about it they’re or and even like Tantra educators who are talking about sacred spot massage which is G-spot massage and that the release of [Inaudible 00:22:21] which is squirting.

Whatever words you want to use from whatever language to describe it I find that a lot of Tantra practitioners don’t teach this the way that I would teach it because the digging to the….to the person who’s not trained right and for the person who goes too soon, it….it’s the wrong thing for people’s bodies and if you‘re playing with somebody who has any trauma experience or trauma history like doing the wrong thing especially too soon, can…..can set off a whole cascade of other unintentional responses that we can honor and we can welcome but I this is why I’m such a strict for going slow and being mindful and being great communicators because it’s more important for somebody who is receiving to be able to speak up and use their voice in the moment than whether you succeed as the giver in getting their body to do anything. Maybe I’ll save that for another video sometime in the future where we talk about playing with people who…who may or….or who do have trauma histories and how do you make them feel safe and let their body and their nervous systems and their agency, I give that safe space for people to really learn and reclaim who they are in the bedroom rather than…..than needing somebody to create a result for them and I’ll leave it there.

So this lifting and this rocking, thank you for the emoticons, everyone, this lifting and this rocking you’re like “Reid, but Spider-man doesn’t do that. Spider-man does this.” Yes. So this is the….the….the fourth or fifth final whatever number up to. This is the final piece that I’ll talk about and then I’ll let you go today and again like all of this stuff you can find and more if you go to http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ and sign up for the free videos and then I will be doing a couple of Show-and-Tell sex education retreats this year. One is going to be a two-day explicit retreat where we’ll…I’ll…I’ll actually be demoing all of this stuff live with real human people…..people and you can take notes and ask questions and we will talk to you while it’s happening because we’re nerds and we like talking about stuff even while it’s happening. So if you’re interested in a 2-day Deep Dive retreat with Show-and-Tell sex education of a non-kinky we’ll do some rough sex stuff but it’s not going to be like floggers and rope and things like that. If you’re interested in that and upping your sexuality skill sets and your sexual self-confidence and especially if you’re a visual learner then sign up for the free videos and you’ll get an invitation to the registration page that….that’ll just talk about all the retreats and whatnot and if you’re somebody who’s like not ready to watch full-on nudity an actual NC-17 Sex Ed then I also have a three-day seminar weekend where that’s going to be PG-13 and rated-R and we’ll be doing some…..some Show-and-Tell Sex Ed demos as well as focusing also on emotional skill sets and communication and relationship skill sets and savvy and so if you’re interested in creating high-performance relationships and mastering that then that will be in the fall right before Halloween. The weekend before Halloween in Southern California is when we’re doing the three-day and there will be a costume party for those of you who want to who want to come and you know celebrate Halloween a few days early because of the weekend right before Halloween. So give me some emoticons if you like wearing costumes or you want to see what weird costume I’m going to be in for Halloween for that weekend that’s going to be a lot of fun and nerding out there.

Alright, so where this all comes back to Spider-man is we’ve got the web-slinger here where you’re using your middle two fingers and this is the move that I would actually recommend for doing G-spot massage for a couple of different reasons one because of the angle that you will use your fingers, you can’t do that kind of digging come-hither it doesn’t work. So for those of you who have a bad habit of digging for the pocket change which is not what you want to do what I would recommend is changing to this position because this position is also easier for you to lift, you have more finger strength because let’s imagine that the person is…is lying down their heads facing me and their vulva is away from me and I’m standing at the edge of the bed, they’re lying on the bed. This also the black belt version of this is if they want if they like this you would have your strap-on penis or your,…..your penis in their mouth while you do this. So I’m reaching over again everyone needs to be engorged, lubricated, excited for this ‘coz you don’t start off with this move and I’m going to stand at the edge of the bed and reach over and I’m going to penetrate them with my two middle fingers and these two fingers are going to be on either side of their vulva which I….. will allow me to kind of push with these fingers on their…..on labia and put pressure on the labia where their clitoral legs are underneath and then the palm of my hand is pushing down on their pubic mound which allows them to pump up against my hand and because of this position and I’m ex….I’m extended, I can show you there we go I can use my lats to pull and rock the person’s pelvis and in some instances even kind of help lift them off their lower torso off the bed. This gives me a lot more strength when I line up my body in the right way which allows me to grind and hump with my hand, their pelvis and their vulva in ways that you can’t do when you’re when you’re when you’re doing this come-hither motion. It doesn’t really work and if I’m just using these two fingers I don’t have the same kind of pressure and massage ability on the labia that I do with my hand.

So that’s kind of it and of course the black belt move after that is to add the…..the oral sex with penis or strap on which has a whole geeky nerdy side effect of engaging people’s vagus nerves which can especially if they’re turned on by this kind of this kind of basically like slow face f*cking. If they like deep throating there’s a whole cascade of things that can happen with deep throating in that position and G-spot massage because of how it activates the vagus nerve and a bunch of other stuff which we don’t have time to get into today because I’ve already gone on and on and on. So my….. I hope you enjoyed our little spider-man moment today and now you know that Spider-man was just doing this to try to get people to squirt. He’s doing it all wrong and I hope that you have a little bit more knowledge now about the idea of squirting and the ejaculation or amorita and sacred G-spot massage like whatever you want to call it it’s not really about gender it’s about you….you know someone. It’s about the kind of wiring you have in your pelvis for lack of a better word and that genitalia itself isn’t necessarily a gendered thing I think.

That’s it! Thank you so much for being a part of our walk today and for giving me another excuse to go out where it’s sunny. An excuse to probably wear my spider-man t-shirt and to get my mind off of how crappy Netflix’s Iron Fist series is right now. Hopefully, it’s going to get better. I’m hoping everyone’s telling me that the other episodes start to get better but I’m not wowed and bold over the way that I was with Jessica Jones and Luke Cage oh my goodness and I know some people didn’t like Luke Cage. I love Luke Cage. And then I’m also a nerd about Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D which not everybody likes but I’ve enjoyed it a lot and that’s it. So I’ll leave you here with my little mini-rant about Iron Fist and….and I hope it gets better because I’m super excited to for the Defenders to come out as a as an ex-comic book artist and dork and I just wanted I want everything to be great. I’ve been waiting my whole life for a for an amazing comic book show and you know what if Iron First doesn’t get any better and Defenders is horrible at least we’ve got Guardians of the Galaxy coming up and Doctor Strange made me really happy so there.

We’re going to leave it that. Go out and make……make…..make your lives awesome and I’ll see you tomorrow. Share this video with somebody that you think will enjoy it. And I’ll talk to you later. Bye! Say goodbye to the mural. Bye mural!

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: