Things To Do To Reconnect With Your Partner | Reid With Allison Facebook Live
Reid: Oh yeah! That’s right. Hills behind us, hills above us
Allison: Hills everywhere.
Reid: Hills of love. Hills are among us?
Allison: Of love?
Reid: With the sounds of hiking and heavy breathing. It’s Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/ and who are you?
Allison: I’m Allison Moon
Reid: From where? Girl sex 101
Allison: Oh http://girlsex101.com/
Reid: Yeah. We are….for those of you who’ve been watching other videos you know that I was on a ten-day Road Teaching Lecturing thing. Some business conference stuff and now I’m….I got home last night and we try to do some sort of date activity as soon as I get home.
Allison: Hiking!
Reid: Hiking today. I was tricked into this.
Allison: No, you’re not.
Reid: I was yes. Totally and I’m wearing my t-shirt or my long sleeve shirt from MacEwan University in Edmonton, Canada so thank you. The Resident Life with an S something.
Allison: Services?
Reid: Yeah, I feel so bad. Yeah Resident Life Services, thank you for…for of my cool t-shirt. I’m….it makes me feel like I’m from the movie Divergent.
Allison: Are you Divergent or are you Valor or something?
Reid: I’m geek that’s one. So we’re just talking we’re going to talk we’re talking about goats a minute ago.
Allison: I was researching goats for my future fantasies.
Reid: So as you as you comment or you as you come in, hit some emoticons to be the carrot that we look towards as I carry
Allison: It’s very steep right now.
Reid: It’s very steep. And we were talking about dating adventures in my https://reidaboutsex.com/relationship10x/ online course I talk about experiential you know homework and things called Bolster Dates which is about when you’re going out of town or maybe you’re going……if you’re in an open relationship you’re going out on a weekend or a date with another lover or even if you have friends and you’re going you know for like friends weekend or something what’s the date you go on with your relationships to bolster the connection? And we’re really breathing heavy now
Allison: We’re bolstering
Reid: and there are people by the by the roadside.
Allison: Alright.
Reid: Okay. So what’s up!
Allison: We reached the top.
Reid: So we’re talking about bolstering the connection and this is something that Allison and I started doing probably when I started creating the https://reidaboutsex.com/relationship10x/ course where we really started getting savvy about what we needed before I went on the road and then also what we needed when I got back from the road. So this would be an example of you know we’re bolstering our connection or maybe it’s a reconnection date or re-entry date or something and I don’t know we don’t have a name for something fancy.
Allison: That’s right, can we go back into that log in today.
Reid: Yeah. We’ll show you guys the fabulous view.
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: So as you’re signing in just say where you’re…..you’re…..you’re watching the video from? What city or what town? It’s always……I enjoy watching people and where they’re at. We got people from Denmark, Sweden
Allison: Oh, nice.
Reid: and then there’s Columbia and then around the U.S. So for us you know we’re just going on a hike and then there’s a little cigar and coffee bar that we’re going to go and I’m going to smoke a cigar because that’s my…..one of my bad habits but I…..I don’t do that that often.
Allison: Who knows? Well, you have how many bad habits
Reid: Yeah. That’s also that’s one of the things that I do when I’ve been working really hard when I come home. One of my decompression things was this morning I took a bath and I read a book
Allison: And putting on a face mask
Reid: I put on a mud mask and then I did that since I tend to wake up earlier than anybody else in our loft like I do that and it’s also kind of a quiet time for me too. Do you want to go let’s ask the audience should we go down this way?
Allison: Or that way
Reid: Or should we go over sideways? So if you think we should go this way, hit a bunch of emoticons and then
Allison: Dot…dot….dot
Reid: if you think we should go the other way it’ll take up seconds.
Allison: Oh.
Reid: If you think we should go the other way then then leave a comment says “go the other way” and then let’s watch.
Allison: Think like you’re an adventurer.
Reid: This is… they have….you’re in control of course if you’re watching this recording
Allison: Oh, here the Netherlands, Hello!
Reid: Hello Netherlands. Yeah, so
Allison: [Inaudible 00:04:54]
Reid: Let’s go this way, alright!
Allison: Okay.
Reid: Alright. How many people are here?
Allison: [Inaudible 00:04:56]
Reid: But then but then you….oh look emoticons tons emoticons. Okay this way, turn around turn around. Alright. So, in….in the video the other day I was talking to my sex educator friends because I try to give business advice as well, lot of emoticons honey we’re going the right way.
Allison: Alright.
Reid: This is good this is like you’re all helping us find the treasure and so I was sharing about like what I do for re-entry and decompression when I come back from a conference or I come back from you know a lecture or something like that and….and this is this is like useful stuff for relationships too. It’s also really useful if you’re single to understand what your needs are for relationships. Should we go interview that that couple that’s picnicking?
Allison: No.
Reid: They’re cuddling. There’s cuddling happening in….in the fields. It must be spring but….but you know when you’re in a relationship it’s useful but even when you’re not in a relationship it’s really useful for you to know yourself and what your needs are when you come back from a work trip or road trip or even from like holidays with family it’s good to know what you need and for me I like that and I also you know I read a lot sometimes but I’m not I haven’t been in a big reading mode recent……lately. So I’ve been trying to read more and that’s been helping me ground and then even like doing these videos have been really good for me and when you know these things about yourself if you’re getting into a relationship you can kind of map it out to the other person and say “hey, these are the things that I need. I know these things about myself and these will help me feel nourished and resourced and not cranky which is better for our relationship.” And then things that we know about us and I shared this the other day was you know our relationship works better especially if I’ve been on the road for more than seven days if we have sex as quickly as possible humanly possible for when I get back home.
Allison: Oh my god.
Reid: Do you want to share about don’t share about…..we can share about our sex I guess people would want to know
Allison: Yes, yes he’s really good last night.
Reid: but….but
Allison: I know.
Reid: really?
Allison: Yes. Yeah
Reid: Hit some emoticons if you want Allison to tell you more. But….. there’s also like kids over the hill., “mommy what are they about talking about?” “They’re Facebook living honey. That’s Reid Mihalko and Allison Moon. It’s okay.” I don’t know where that voice came from.
Allison: Yeah, that’s weird.
Reid: But…so, look here come the emoticons. What….do you want to share like what your experiences because you….you do a lot of lecturing now we’re going to univer
Allison: Oh, for myself?
Reid: Yeah. We’re going we’re going to University of Tennessee for sex week soon and…. are we lecturing separately or together?
Allison: Together and separately.
Reid: Okay. So if you’re around the University of Tennessee it might be open to other students or oh, they really want to hear you talk about our sex life while there’s a lot of emoticons and there’s only two of you watching. How’s that happening? No, there’s more people. So what have you learned about yourself being somebody on the road and also what have you learned about yourself being somebody who’s home often when I’m on the road?
Allison: I know that I’m much better at taking time for myself than you are and so I find that usually I’m the one who’s have the idea to go on a hike or go get some fresh air because otherwise you will often just work…work…work as soon as you get home and so I’ve learned to nag you gently a little bit to get you out of a house. So that’s the thing. And you’ve been much better at that.
Reid: And truth be told, I’m on the road about two weeks every month so when I’m home it’s actually nice to be home
Allison: Yes.
Reid: It’s not that I never leave home but you are true. It is true it’s better for me to get out of the house and….and
Allison: Enjoy the beautiful
Reid: the live videos have been helping me get out of the house so thank you all for encouraging me about that. But and thank you for tricking me into getting outside.
Allison: Yeah. Well, also I’m actually….I think that there is these notions of like little tiny mini vacations. We don’t really take vacations because we’re self [Inaudible 00:08:58] and so there’s
Reid: A life with you is a vacation.
Allison: Sure but it’s also because like you know a lot of people who have normal jobs like you’ve got two weeks that you’re just going to take a chunk then you’re going to go to Portugal for those two weeks every year. For us, we do a lot of traveling here and there so most of our vacations are like three a weekends or in the middle of the week
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: We’ll go someplace for three days and enjoy and then we’ll be right back at work but in terms of me like when I travel I’d like to spend a lot of time alone and when I want to get home I need serious recharging alone time because I’m an introvert as opposed to you who’s an extrovert
Reid: I’m more of an extrovert.
Allison: So for me being on the road meeting people is deeply depleting so I need to go home and I need to kind of not be social even with my friends sometimes I just need to like soak in the bath, watch a shit on the Netflix…..Yeah
Reid: Yeah
Allison: Sometimes, yeah.
Reid: She would always makes me
Allison: So I think there’s a lot of power in not me I think there’s a lot of shame that we have my fellow introverts, you might experience this of not wanting to be around people. So I think for me a huge lesson has been giving myself permission to be a hermit for a little while if I know I need it and I’m going to be a jerk if I don’t get that time.
Reid: Well and also as….as can I speak about my experience with you?
Allison: Yes.
Reid: So and again like this might not apply to all introverts or all authors but what’s interesting is when you don’t take good care of yourself it affects your writing
Allison: Yes.
Reid: and….and when you can’t write
Allison: It affects my own mood
Reid: It….it really affects your mood, right?
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: Like so….so for me I can always be answering emails or you know working on some slideshow or creating you know a sales page for some course or something. You know there’s always something I can be doing like I could be doing a coaching session with somebody. So I feel at least I feel like I’m productive with my business like I can do these like I can do the videos and that make me feel like “okay, I….I did something today to move the needle.”
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: For you and this is this is my idea of it…..it must be really frustrating when you’re a writer to not have it flowing through you
Allison: Well, this is moving the needle as a writer like
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: going on a long walk you know smoking weed and watching a really amazing art movie like that’s moving the needle. Getting that juice flowing creatively incredibly like last night, I went to see a movie that was amazing – 20th Century Women go see it. It’s fantastic.
Reid: Thank you Billy Crudup for being in that movie my friend if you’re watching this.
Allison: Yes, it was wonderful. I would really recommend it.
Reid: I haven’t seen it yet but I heard you were excellent
Allison: I’ve been feeling frustrated in some of my personal writing, I’ve been working on a book all about casual sex and there’s a lot of casual sex in that movie and so even though I wasn’t working
Reid: Did you see Billy naked?
Allison: No, he’s in topless though.
Reid: Billy, what did you do? There was the opportunity of the lifetime my friend. Okay, go on.
Allison: I was feeling the budget wasn’t big enough.
Reid: Bill that was the only thing that big [Inaudible 00:11:51]
Allison: So to speak
Reid: Okay, go back.
Allison: but so it was a beautiful movie that that again even though I wasn’t technically working I was at the movies in the early evening. It definitely recharged my juices and definitely made me feel like I had some new ideas about what I wanted to share in my book and so I wasn’t expecting that to happen but it happened and then I….on the way home was talking into my phone like dictating where I wanted to talk about when I got home I immediately launched into typing and it totally gave me a new…..new spirit and I think most writers, most artists understand that about themselves already how to recharge but I think that again like if you’re not actively like if you’re not on the plane on the way home from the…the gig working you’re not broken. Your….your brain is just doing other things
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: to recharge in different ways so that you will have that that nourishment.
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: It’s kind of like if you’re working all the time it’s like eating a little bit all the time grazing you never actually digest the food and have a moment of respite in between in that digestive process. You’re just working all the time and that’s not healthy.
Reid: And…..and you also don’t get to enjoy the meal in a way that you sit down and….and get to enjoy it entire process. So my….my phone is about to cut out so I’m putting in the
Allison: Oh, the name of the movie it’s 20th Century Women it’s by Mike Mills. He’s an amazing director. I like him a lot anyway and
Reid: Mike if you’re watching well….well done and how can we get Billy naked? That’s all I want….hang on we’re going to make some sound, sorry. There you go.
Allison: I’m so introvert I want to work through it. Yay!
Reid: Yay, universe! So, I’m going to interrupt Allison’s for one second. I’ll just give you a shot of the…the scene, the scenery behind us if you can see it. I’ll get out of the way and enjoy there’s Oakland I almost fell down the hill. There’s San Francisco way in the distance….that way and the Bay that’s the Bay Bridge right?
Allison: That’s the Bay Bridge.
Reid: Yeah, okay. So
Allison: [Inaudible 00:13:54]
Reid: so make some emoticons where at San Francisco and then let’s come back to this so because they emoticoned us and as a means of….do you want to add anything else to the writing stuff?
Allison: No, it’s okay.
Reid: So, we’re going to end on we’re going to end on the sex because you emoticoned for it. Well, what? We’re not going to tease them and then just say you know sorry we ran out of battery power.
Allison: Okay. So what am I going to…..what am I going to say
Reid: Well, so….so you got all you got all juiced up from the movie
Allison: Oh, it wasn’t from the movie.
Reid: and then and then we came home
Allison: It was just….I’ve been missing you a lot for the week.
Reid: Oh.
Allison: I was really horny all week.
Reid: But you said the movie got you out creatively juiced up
Allison: no….no that got me creatively juiced up and I….I was ready for you to come home to f*ck you for a week. That was different from the movie.
Reid: To…
Allison: Really does not take credit
Reid: to have sex with me not for a week but she had been building it up for a week ‘coz what you said, that sound like you were ready to have sex for me for a week.
Allison: I mean…..kind of.
Reid: Okay. Well, we got to go. What was…..do you want to share anything with them about are the actual sex we had? We had penis vagina sex, I went down on you for a while.
Allison: No, it was nice.
Reid: Oh, oh Alison’s mom if you’re watching this is when you get jump off….
Allison: Little late for that.
Reid: jump off.
Allison: Oh, well so I think it was interesting because you came home, you were exhausted.
Reid: I was exhausted.
Allison: But you knew that
Reid: Rally!
Allison: Yes and so there was I…..I was not exhausted. I was high-energy wanted to bang you. I was excited about banging him
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: all week and then he comes home after like two layovers of a really long day of flight and he knew that he kind of had to rise to the occasion so to speak.
Reid: It was game time, yeah.
Allison: And what most people literally talk about it?
Reid: Rise to the occasion.
Allison: And it definitely made me feel a little bit bad.
Reid: Pun intended. I was slowly for a second only because I was feeling…..here was here’s the deal this is like this is the real deal I felt last night that if I had actually used my words and said no because I was tired that that would be that would be a bad move for both of us like it might have a ripple effect. It’s not like I mean
Allison: Like I would have been mad at you?
Reid: It would have just put us in a mood.
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: Okay and I say us because there’s the Brad-Jelena version of our relationship right? The….the third person that’s us.
Allison: What?
Reid: Well, no like it’s not just that you might be cranky
Allison: Oh.
Reid: you being cranky makes me cranky which is really us
Allison: I see.
Reid: being cranky.
Allison: So, you’re…you’re using a parental run names to indicate that our relationship is a
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: third thing not that you and I are like Brad and Angelina.
Reid: No.
Allison: Okay. Thank God.
Reid: God no.
Allison: Thank God.
Reid: ‘coz they broke up. We’re still together.
Allison: That’s true. Ha-ha
Reid: So, well I guess this is the other question if we were going to name our relationship, what are we name it? Is it is it AL…..
Allison: Rallison.
Reid: Rallison? AllEid?
Allison: AllEid?
Reid: Get figured out in the internet
Allison: MoonHalko
Reid: MoonHalko? Oh, that would…..that’s pretty good. That’s pretty good. So…..so yeah. So the idea was like it’s not like I couldn’t say no I….I just I you and I both have choice.
Allison: Yes, of course.
Reid: We both have tools to handle our disappointment but I also know myself really well that if I go down on you for a couple of minutes then I will be in the mood. So whatever crankiness it’s almost like your…..your vagina is my binky like if I just smack in my face
Allison: You’re living more in my clitoris.
Reid: Your clitoris is my binky. Well, that’s a good button let’s make that fun but it more like….like I know that if I’m like “oh, I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m missing you too.” I’m just missing you and exhausted and tired and you’re like full energy and I just need to rally because I know myself that I could I could change my mind if I needed to but that kind of you know I’m going to say kind of like going to the gym, those first 20 minutes you get into it.
Allison: 20 minutes?
Reid: No. I’m saying it’s like for me it’s like five minutes. It’s not even five it’s more like three. So if I can hold up to 270 seconds, 180 seconds math…..then then I’m good to go and then we had amazing sex and we both felt like complete stud-muffins it was great.
Allison: Yeah, you….you’re happy that you rally?
Reid: Yo! Absolutely it was really satisfying and it was good and again like I didn’t I think the I think the homework to remind ourselves the homework to remind ourselves is like know that about yourself like know that….that how you are and….and encourage your…..your loved ones or your lovers to know who they are so you can kind of create the win-win and it’s just it’s just better.
Allison: Yeah
Reid: Right?
Allison: So, you had more mud mask.
Reid: And….and your mileage may vary and you know certainly I just want to reiterate like we have full freedom of choice and can change our minds in our relationship. It’s not like I had to do anything last night
Allison: I think there’s a lot of I mean I think being savage talking about this is very wise if there is a little bit of taking it for the team that’s a whole other video about like in loving committed relationships when one of you is not in the mood, how you make yourself in the mood? So that you can just because it’s about the health of the relationship
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: and sometimes you just kind of make you’re a man, somebody else’s yeah and you kind of make your man oh yeah.
Reid: Yeah. I think it’s wrong.
Allison: I think there’s [Inaudible 00:18:52]
Reid: There’s……there’s a much more of the conversation there but and….and that’s an uncomfortable conversation for me in a certain way being the….the stereotypical like I’m the one who wants to penetrate something
Allison: But that’s not at all.
Reid: Yeah.
Allison: I means oftentimes you’re the one who needs the rise of the occasion.
Reid: Yeah. That’s true.
Allison: So
Reid: Yeah, alright. I hope that made sense and was useful to anybody out there and now you know way too much about us then maybe you were expecting and we’re going to continue our hike
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: and then I’m going to go smoke a cigar
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: and we’re going to drink some coffee or tea….tea or whatever it is
Allison: I want to have some meat.
Reid: and then it’s also my cheat day, I’ve been doing a little carbs and there’s sugar stuff but in one….one little eight-hour window week I have a cheat day and today I already had some chocolate chip cookie dough which is delicious. A big smoothie with chia seeds and all kinds of carbs.
Allison: What are we going to have for dinner?
Reid: I like pizza for dinner but…..but we’ll….we’ll
Allison: Figure out
Reid: we’ll cross that bridge when we
Allison: Give me another tour… 360
Reid: Tour…..Okay, here we go. Slow tour….where are we? We’re in Tilden Park
Allison: Tilden in Berkeley.
Reid: We’re in Berkeley, California and Tilden it’s been raining a lot so everything is super green
Allison: Green and lush
Reid: And there is the
Allison: Bay
Reid: Bay Bridge and the bay that’s the Bay Bridge and San Francisco way in the distance. Thank you everybody for coming on our little walks and now Allison’s going to teach me more about the economics of owning goats because that’s the kind of romance that we have. Bye!
Allison: Bye!
Reid: Go check out http://girlsex101.com/ buy a book or if you have the book leave a review
Allison: Yeah.
Reid: because maybe it’ll get me laid.
Allison: Oh.