3 Festival Tips So Your Summer Crush 🥰 Doesn’t Become a U-Haul Emergency 😅
Brace yourself,
Festival season is coming…
Festival Season is coming, which means music, workshops, dancing, cuddle puddles, late-night talks, new friends, old friends, maybe a crush or three, and your nervous system going:
“WHEEEEEEEE! WE LIVE HERE NOW!” 🎪✨
And I love that for you.
Also… festivals can be intimacy pressure cookers.
You’re away from home. Maybe away from your kids. Maybe away from your normal routine, your inbox, your dishes, and the part of your life where you remember that lunch and sleep are important.
You’re meeting amazing people. You’re feeling brave. You’re being witnessed. You’re having deep talks under the stars with somebody named River who gives world-class hugs and has cheekbones blessed by the forest gods.
And suddenly your brain whispers:
“This is my soulmate. I should change my whole life immediately.” 😍
Beloveds… maybe!
Also… maybe drink some water first. 😄
So, in honor of summer festival season — and because I’ll be teaching at some juicy festivals this summer (check my calendar for all the places I‘ll be) — here are 3 tips for keeping your heart, body, and calendar out of unnecessary chaos.
Tip #1: Remember that #FestivalBrain is not your regular brain
Festival Brain is REAL.
Even if you are completely sober, a festival can put you in an altered state (as evidenced by my Burning Man costume from 2007 – I think the frosted donut belt buckle is a subtle choice, don’t you?).
New place. New people. Less sleep. More touch. More dancing. Less hydration. More eye contact. More freedom. More “OMG, I didn’t know I could feel this way.”
What you’re feeling is real. Annnnd it’s a juiced-up, turbo-charged, you’re-high-on-away-from-home-experience version of reality.
It’s not the same reality as regular Tuesday-you who has bills, laundry, work, family, pets, and a dentist appointment at 9 a.m.
Think of it like getting really high on substances for the first time vs someone who has done it enough times to know when they’re really tripping balls.
If you don’t know you’re tripping, you might get carried away with it all and make some not-typical-and-maybe-not-smart choices.
Psychology folks call it the empathy gap — where the “you” in one emotional state (sober/baseline) has a hard time accurately predicting what the “you” in another emotional state (festival brain) will want or need… or do. 😬😬😬
Boundaries and agreements Sober-you would never think of crossing… Well… Let’s just say some of those boundaries and agreements start getting a little wibbly-wobbly for Festival-you. You may feel wildly clear in the moment that the person you partnered with in the authentic connecting workshop is the Universe telling you, “Go for it!”
Regular-life-you, three weeks later, may be like:
“Why did we almost move to Vermont with someone whose legal name I’m still not 100% sure about?”
So enjoy the magic. Let it be real. Let it be beautiful.
Just don’t let festival-you make HUGE life choices without checking in with regular-life-you first… Which means you’re gonna need some time to find your way back to this galaxy, sober up from your #FestivalBrain, and —for better or worse— re-enter the Default World.
Tip #2: Make your relationship agreements before the sparkles hit the fan
If you’re going to a festival with a partner, lover, sweetie, spouse, friend-with-benefits, situationship, or “we’re not labeling it but we packed one tent” person…
Please talk about your relationship agreements before you get there.
Not while you’re sleep-deprived and trying to define “flirting” at 2:13 a.m in a freezing cold tent.
Before.
Not in the middle of the dance floor.
Not after someone has already kissed the hot acrobat or DJ.
Check out my Burning Man Relationship Talk article, and share this post with someone who needs it.
And here are some relationship agreement prompts you could start with…
✅ What counts as flirting, play, making out, or sex for us?
✅ What activities need a check-in first?
✅ Are sleepovers okay?
✅ Are there people or situations that would feel too tender?
✅ What safer se agreements do we want in place?
✅ How often do we want to check in with each other?
✅ What do we do if one of us gets overwhelmed, jealous, or tender?
✅ What do we do if something comes up we didn’t know to think about before hand?
Relationship agreements are not there to ruin your fun.
Agrements are there so you can have more fun with less guessing, less drama, and fewer “Wait… I thought we meant something totally different” conversations next to a porta-potty.
Romance is great. 🥰
Clarity is hotter. 🔥🔥🔥
Tip #3: If they’re your soulmate, they’ll still be your soulmate in three months
This one is important.
If you meet your festival crush, your forest spouse, your cuddle puddle destiny muffin, or your “I swear the moon introduced us personally” person…
Yay. That’s wonderful! Truly.
And also… Remember the two new friends you met at the event: Festival Brain & Empathy Gap… Or did you forget?
You did remember them!? That’s GREAT news!
So good on you for not giving in to your Festival Brain urges and marrying your festival crush out by the Beltane Pole. I’m glad you didn’t go through with it. Well done!
But now the festival’s over, you’re home, and you’re missing your crush… REALLY MISSING THEM. 😭😭😭
Do not rent the U-Haul during #FestivalDrop.
Festival Drop is real, too. And the bigger the experience, the bigger the drop.
After a big event, your body may go through a crash. Some of my friends call it Festival Hangover, some call it ConDrop (short for Conference Drop). It goes by many names and can slam into you fast or creep up on you. You start missing the people, the touch, the attention, the freedom, the sparkle, the feeling of being more alive.
You feel like life’s lost it’s shine. The world’s dull and sad, when it was just mindblowingly AMAZING a few days or weeks ago!
WTF’s gone wrong?! 🥺
And if you met someone special, the hangover can make you crave that person. LOTS.
You want things to feel like they did before. You want the magic back… And you think the magic is your crush.
That does not mean the connection or the good times were fake. The high and the great memories were real. The crush was real, too.
And so is the hangover.
And as your body and heart start coming down from these very big experiences, it’s predictable that you’ll feel tempted to jump into another peak experience or jump into a U-Haul and move across the country so you can jump on your crush. Why? To make the discomfort of the “detox” go away.
So instead of making giant life decisions or jumping straight into another festival, try this:
✅ Stay connected to your crush, but slow the roll
✅ Plan a call after you’ve both taken a few days to sleep, rehydrate, do your laundry, reconnect with your regular life friends, and eat some vegetables
✅ Give yourself a few weeks to land back in your life before you go buying any plane tickets
✅ Notice whether the connection with your crush works outside the festival bubble
✅ Let your nervous system detox and reboot before you start selling all your things and moving to a new city
If your festival crush is truly a good fit for your life —if they truly are your twin flame— they will still be all that after the glitter settles and you’ve paid a few bills and caught up on your NETFLIX shows.
And if that connection only made sense while you were underslept, over-hugged, learning how to spin fire, and covered in biodegradable body shimmer?
That is also useful information. 😄
Bonus Festival Wisdom: Pack for your body, not just your outfits
I have an article about what to pack in your seggs toy bag for festivals HERE.
The short version…
Bring the safer sex supplies you actually want people to use.
Bring lube. More than you think.
Bring baby wipes & hand sanitizer. They’re great for cleaning those dirty, dusty hands when there’s no water & soap around.
Bring snacks, electrolytes, ear plugs, comfy shoes, layers, and whatever helps you feel grounded.
And please, please, please: Get a clear verbal “yes” before touching people, kissing people, cuddling people, or doing anything with anyone’s naughty bits.
Consent is not a buzzkill.
Consent is the water on the sexy, festival slip ‘n slide.
It helps everyone enjoy the ride.
Want to come learn and play with me this summer?
I’ll be teaching at some wonderful festivals this summer, and I’d love to see your gorgeous face there.
Come for the workshops.
Come for the community.
Come for the tools that help you have more connection, less shame, better communication, and fewer post-festival “What have I done?!” moments.
You can find my upcoming festival teaching schedule on my Calendar Page or click the purple button…
And HURRY, because some of the Early-Bird Ticket Pricing for some of the festivals is ending really soon!
May your summer be full of magic, hydration, clear agreements, and crushes that find exactly the right place in your life, Sex Geek!
With love and sparkly common sense,
REiD