Pop quiz! 📝😈
Someone you’re excited about texts or asks:
“When were you last tested?” 👀
Do you…
A) Answer confidently
B) Ask some useful questions of your own
C) Know what YOUR boundaries and risk needs are and communicate them
D) Panic and throw your phone against a wall 😂
If you picked D…
You. Are. Not. Alone.
Most of us know we’re “supposed” to have the safer-sex conversation — But who actually TAUGHT us what to say and how?! 😬
And because it’s human to NOT WANT TO SAY THE WRONG THING, most of us panic and freeze (which often really ruins the situation!)…
With that in mind… Today, I’ve got 3 tips for having a better, clearer, less-awkward safer-sex conversation…
3 Tips for Having a Safer-Seggs Conversation That Will Keep You Warm This Winter 😈💕❄️
💬 TIP #1: Figure Out What YOU Need to Say BEFORE It’s Time To Get Naked
When it’s time to get naked is NOT the ideal moment to suddenly invent your entire sexual-health talk and hope you can impress your sexy someone by miraculously winging it!
A GREAT safer-seggs talk has nothing to do with magic. It can be magical, sure. But like all great magicians and sports athletes, becoming great at something requires practice.
Think about it:
😍 Someone gorgeous is sitting six inches away from you…
🔥 Things are heating up…
💋 You both know where this might be headed…
🧠 And suddenly your brain goes…
“WAIT! WHAAAA?… WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?!” 😂
Winging it when the pressure’s on is a one-way ticket to Chokesville, population: YOU. #FacePalm 🤦♂️ #DoNotGetNaked
One of the easiest ways to avoid choking and make “The Talk” less stressful is to figure out some of your answers BEFORE you need them.
Things like:
✅ When were you last tested?
✅ What were you tested for?
✅ Are there any current sexual-health things someone needs to know?
✅ What barriers or risk-reduction practices do you prefer?
✅ What are your boundaries?
✅ What kinds of activities are you considering?
You don’t need to memorize a robotic speech. 🤖
The point is to know your own information well enough that you can actually TALK about it.
“But Reid!!!” some folks whine… “It’ll suck all the spontaneity out of the moment. Having the talk is going to kill the vibe!”
No it won’t. Not when you become good at it.
Practice builds confidence. And radiating confidence becomes a whole lot easier when you’re not making everything up on the spot.
Plus: Having the Talk shows that YOU CARE.
Given that so many folks feel anxious and hesitant to have the talk in the first place, when you share confidently and you show you care about the other person’s seggsual health and needs… YOU look like you have your sh*t together. BAM! 💥
Preparation doesn’t ruin spontaneity. It ENHANCES IT! When you’re practiced, prepared, caring, and THEN spontaneous — THAT kind of confidence is friggin’ SEXY AF! 🔥 THAT is some serious swagger.
👂 TIP #2: Don’t Just Practice What You Want to SAY — Know What You Need to HEAR
A safer-sex conversation isn’t a monologue.
You’re not giving a TED Talk. 😂
You’re exchanging useful information.
So it’s not just about what you say, it’s also about what you need to hear.
What do YOU need to know from the other person(s) before deciding whether — and HOW — you want to play with them?
Maybe you want to ask about:
🧪 Testing
💕 Other partners & relationship agreements
🛡️ Barrier use
💊 Prevention or treatment strategies
🚦 Boundaries
🦠 Known STI exposures or diagnoses
💬 How they communicate when something changes
🤔 What they make having seggs mean
And here’s the important part: Don’t just ask questions because you learned you’re “supposed” to ask them…
Ask questions whose ANSWERS actually help you make decisions.
Because “When were you last tested?” isn’t particularly useful if you have no idea what to do with the answer.
Knowing what you need to HEAR can be just as important as knowing what you need to SAY.
🎯 TIP #3: Know The Difference Between Shame and Risk — and Your Tolerances for Both!
There is no magical version of sex with ZERO risk.
That’s why we seggs educators say “saf-er seggs” instead of “safe seggs.”
AND…
Most of us also grew up in cultures that piled a LOT of sexual shame onto us.
The tricky part?
Shame and risk can get tangled together.
Sometimes an activity may have relatively low health risk…
But because of shame, stigma, secrecy, or how we were taught to think about it, it can FEEL HELLA RISKY or dangerous. 😬
Other times, an activity or situation may carry meaningful health risk — especially depending on someone’s body, health history, partners, or circumstances — but we may minimize that risk because we don’t want to look or feel afraid, ashamed, restricted, or “uncool.”
In other words:
Feeling scared doesn’t automatically mean something is medically high-risk.
And feeling relaxed or shame-free doesn’t automatically mean something is low-risk.
That’s why it helps to separate the questions:
“What am I feeling ashamed or anxious about?”
from…
“What are the actual risks here?”
And then ask:
“What level of risk am I personally comfortable taking?”
We all have different bodies.
Different health histories.
Different partners.
Different priorities.
And different levels of risk we’re comfortable with.
That means your job isn’t to discover the ONE CORRECT safer-seggs policy everyone should follow.
And acknowledging that something has risk doesn’t mean you’re being “ruled by fear.”
Your job is to get clearer about:
- “What are the ACTUAL risks in this situation or activity?”
- “What works for ME?”
- “What information do I need?”
- “What risks am I comfortable with?”
- “What risks am I NOT comfortable with?”
- “What would make me pause and ask more questions?”
- And… “What would make something a NO for me?”
Knowing those answers can make it much easier to communicate without shame…
AND make it easier for the other person to make their own informed YES, NO, or MAYBE.
Because good safer-seggs communication isn’t a trick for getting somebody to say YES.
It’s an assessment tool for helping everybody make better-informed choices.
And the clearer you can get about the difference between shame, fear, and actual risk for yourself…
The easier it can be to support your lovers, friends, and new playmates in figuring out what those things mean for THEM, too.
WHICH BRINGS US TO WEEK 3’s SLUT ERA SEMESTER ASSIGNMENT… 🧑🎓💬
We’re gonna nerd out and help you create a kick-ass & confident safer seggs conversation…
CREATING YOUR SAFER SEX ELEVATOR SPEECH 💬💕🛗
Know What You Need To Say — And Hear!
Why Reid Thinks YOU Should Join Us…
During this, 2-hour Slut Era Semester class, we’ll nerd out on:
🛗 My P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. Safer Sex Elevator Speech framework (Available as a FREE handout HERE, BTW).
🧪 STI testing basics and useful questions to ask
🛡️ Figuring out your barrier and risk-reduction needs
❤️🩹 The difference between health safety and emotional safety
👂 What useful information to listen for in somebody else’s answers
💬 Communicating boundaries, desires, and needs more clearly
🤝 Responding with more care and less shame when somebody discloses an STI diagnosis or exposure
Plus worksheets, examples, Q&A, laughs, and plenty of #BrainSex. 🧠💦
And here’s something I think people forget…
A GREAT safer-sex conversation can be HOT. 🔥
And everything comes with my 30-Day, No-Risk, Money-Back Guarantee.
Attend class. Do the exercises. Dive into the materials.
If you think I wasted your time, ask for your money back.
Boom! Done! 👍💸
So…
Grab your notebook. Put on your creative-thinking cap. And join us!
Already have a version of your safer seggs talk? GREAT. Bring it! We’ll help you expand it, question it, refine it, and maybe discover a few things you didn’t even know to cover or ask!
Together, we can put some confidence and swagger into your talk, and more SPICE 🌶️ and PUMP 💪 into your pumpkin spice season! 🎃☕😈
Your head and heart (and your lovers!) may thank you this winter for nerding out with us! Please consider joining!
And if creating a kick-ass safer seggs talk doesn’t peak your interests, I’ve got several fun, virtual classes, each designed to help you get back to school so YOU can kick-off your Slut Era Semester and put some PUMP and SPICE into pumpkin spice season! 🎃☕🔥
Pick the virtual class that calls you the most, or attend all of them… YOU. DO. YOU. It is your semester after all…
🍁🍁🍁
That’s it for today. I hope your week is off to a good start!
Please feel free to share this post with any of your friends or loved ones you think might benefit from kicking off their Slut Era Back-To-School Semester with us, Sex Geek!
Yours in cheering you on towards creating a most delicious autumn,
REiD
