What about the clit?! How are they different? How are they the same? What do you do with them?
Join Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ideas and insights from the beach (recorded from Fort Lauderdale Beach, our apologize for the wind noise on the recording).
Cathy: Hello everyone, this is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: And Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: Extra piña colada does you in every time.
Reid: Shh, don’t tell them we’re drinking.
Cathy: Today we’re going to do a video about the clitoris, because a lot of people don’t have a lot of knowledge about it.
Reid: It is overlooked for a lot of different reasons, but we could go into another video about sex negativism and the lack of sex education. Basically the clitoris exists; there’s medical proof that it exists. It’s filled with lots and lots of nerves.
When played with, when properly engorged, it’s a really fun time.
Cathy: Yes, for everybody.
Reid: Usually for both people.
Cathy: It can be very sensitive, so a lot of people have been trained that that’s where you go for; that’s right spot to go for to start stimulating that. For a lot of women, that can be way too sensitive at first.
It’s good to do a lot of kissing and touching and playing and rubbing the pressure. I love that you talk about pressure on the mound, the …
Reid: …the pubic mound, and on the labia. Underneath that are the clitoral legs, which are also part of the clit and the clitoral shaft.
Cathy: Don’t just head straight for it. The clit is under a hood, and when it gets happy, sometimes it comes out.
Reid: Some of you might be thinking like Eminem wearing a hood, like a rapper. Kind of like that, but different.
Cathy: Would you like to explain?
Reid: Yes, everybody’s different, in the same way that there are lots of different penises, shapes and sizes. Some penises curve to the left, some don’t, some curve to the right. The clits and vulvas … vulva being everything on the outside, vaginas being everything on the inside … come in lots of different shapes and sizes.
The labia can be different length. Everyone’s basically different, and you’re your own unique snowflake. That being said, some people’s clits when aroused, protrude greatly. Some people’s are just peeking out. Some have a lot of skin over, protecting the clit in the same way that-
Cathy: -foreskin.
Reid: -foreskin for an uncircumcised penis. Sometimes when a clit is engorged, what some people prefer is for you to take the clitoral hood and move it back, so that you can then stimulate more of the clit. You also don’t want to go so hard and so fast, unless that’s really what the person wants.
You don’t normally start off stimulating the clit right from the get go really hard and fast. You warm up into it.
Cathy: It’s wonderful if you ask what a woman likes. A lot of us were taught that we’re supposed to know, or just supposed to be able to [inaudible 00:02:42] to it, but I love it when someone says, “Does this feel good? Do you want it harder / softer?”
I think for most people, as we get more aroused, more direct stimulation is more desirable.
Reid: Yeah, it depends on everybody. The idea when I teach my workshops is, you want to touch a clit in the beginning … and most genitalia … almost the kind of lightness you would use if you were stroking your eyelash. You want to stroke a clit with the tip of your tongue, or with a well lubed finger. Things work better down there when they’re lubricated.
Cathy: It hurts a little less.
Reid: If you imagine the inside of your eyelid … which is very similar to the mucus membrane of a clit … if you were rubbing the inside of your eyelid with a dry finger, that would suck.
Cathy: That’s a great analogy.
Reid: Use lubrication; when using your tongue, it’s usually moist with saliva. Even if you’re using a finger, moisten it with lube, or saliva if that’s appropriate for the way you guys are playing. Then start off stroking ever so gently.
We pick up a lot about habits from watching mainstream porn, and the way the comedians talk about sex. We pick up bad cues, and we think we’re just supposed to attack it.
Cathy: No.
Reid: Attack it later. Cuddle it, pet it, woo the clitoris first.
Cathy: Entice it; it likes that. Talk to your partner, find out what they like.
Reid: That’s the good basics?
Cathy: Yeah, I think that’s great.
Reid: When in doubt, go slower and lighter when you start … and use lube.
Cathy: Leave comments and questions below. We’d love to hear what you think.
Reid: Bye.