How To Stop Valentine’s From Going To The Dogs This Year WHILE Making Your Dog Feel Loved! [Article]
by Reid on January 22, 2014
How To Stop Valentine’s From Going To The Dogs This Year WHILEMaking Your Dog Feel Loved! [Article]
ROMANCE: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! The two ways of orienting toward romance have very little to do with gender. They have to do with how people approach life, and what makes them feel important and valued, not what chromosomes they were born with.
Cats: One perspective or orientation is the Cat when it comes to love and romance… Cats are people who feel romanced -feel warm and fuzzy toward you- when they have proof that you were thinking of them when they’re not there. People orientated like Cats get irritated with you for not making restaurant reservations ahead of time, or not remembering their favorite color… If they call you randomly during the day to “check-in” and tell you that they were thinking of you, it’s likely they are a Cat when it comes to relationships.
Cats LOVE forethought from their loved ones. Cats want to know you are/were thinking about them, not because they’re “needy,” but because they’re just oriented in that “cat way” to love and life. They feel loved and safe when you demonstrate forethought. Forethought can look like setting things in motion before they happen, surprises that took more advanced planning than spontaneity, reaching out in the moment to connect because you were thinking of them, etc.
Dogs: A Dog prefers to be in the moment, and isn’t thinking about you when you’re out of the room. Dogs LIVE for hearing, “Good dog!” and they feel romanced -feel warm and fuzzy- when their loved ones tell them they did a great job. Dogs don’t naturally think to make dinner reservations because, to a Dog, there’s no way to know what kind of food you’ll be in the mood for when you get home. A “good dog” gets you the food you’re in the mood for, so, in Dog Logic, they wait to play it by ear and see what feels right when date night and dinner time comes rolling around. They feel safe and loved when they know they are doing a good job. If your partner looks confused and upset when you want him or her to make decisions for the future, and they don’t call you randomly during the day to tell you that they were thinking about you, BUT seems super excited to see you when you walk in the door… There’s a good chance they could be a Dog when it comes to relationships.
Important Note: I have met male and female “Cats” and male and female “Dogs,” and I’ve met people who are part-Cat/part-Dog… Think of Romantic Orientation as a spectrum and use the examples below as suggestions to brainstorm from, not “ultimates” that mean you or your loved ones are broken if you don’t “fit the example perfectly.” Also, rather than me using “they” or “them” in every example, which would be more gender neutral but could get confusing if you don’t have your “black belt in gender neutral languaging” yet, I’ve knowingly written the examples below using he/she/him/her. Please translate/adjust the examples according to your situation and run with it! Don’t look back! Enjoy!!
I’m going to start with how to make Valentine’s Day rock for a Dog. The next article will be on rocking a Cat’s world.
Romancing Your Dog This Valentine’s…
And for you single folks out there… I know Valentine’s can suck! And not in the good way. I invite you to find a buddy who’s a Dog and make an agreement to practice together what I’m about to share. This way, you get to fill each other’s tanks following the same steps below without making things sexy or romantic or weird!
To make your Dog feel amazing, you want to validate who they are as a person, let them know they are winning, tell them they don’t have to change to be loved, affirm that they are “good dogs.”
To keep their tanks full, you want to remind them of how much you appreciate them, and what a good job they’re doing.
To turbo-charge this, find out what their Love Languages are for receiving/feeling loved, and incorporate those with their interests.
For example:
1. If you Dog loves receiving gifts and adores going golfing… Give her a round of golf, or a new set of golf balls, and tell her that she’s wonderful and you want her to enjoy herself on the links. This shows you accept her love of golf and you appreciate who she is as a person.
(PLEASE NOTE: You must actually be ok with this… If you do any of these examples with resentment, or to throw things in your Dog’s face, it will actually have the opposite effect. You have to be genuine. You can’t come back later and say “I did x, y, z for you, you owe me!” If you have resentments or feel like your partner isn’t being there for you, use the Difficult Conversation Formula to clean it up first. Or get Relationship10x Online and I’ll help you both cleanup and create a firm foundation to build on!)
2. If you Dog loves words of appreciation, you have an easy, double whammy daily bonus on your hands! Write out a card and share all the things you really appreciate about him. Let him know how much he touches your life. What a great job he’s doing in your relationship. If he loves golf… Get a funny card with something having to do with golf on it, and mention how much you admire his passion, determination, skill – or whatever is true, real, and positive about his golf game.
3. A Dog that loves quality time? Book an afternoon for the two of you together, going out with a golf pro, playing a round of golf together, or meet her at the clubhouse for lunch and a drink afterward, and listen to the successes and low points of the day. Emphasize appreciation and acceptance when you reply. You don’t have to even enjoy golf to pull this one-off. In fact, you could hate golf and it would probably be even more romantic for the Dog in your life. Why? Because you must really love them to share in anything golf with them. Remember, it’s all about affirming that they’re a “good dog” and that you love them just the way they are for Dogs.
4. A greatact of service for a golf-loving Dog… That might be gassing up the car so he can drive directly to the golf course. Or offering to take over some chores or kid-watching duty so he can go play a round of golf. Tell him he’s such a great partner and that you want to do something nice for them.
5. Dogs who love touch will be especially happy if you rub her back, or snuggle up with her as you tell her all the amazing things you appreciate about them. Let her know that when she gets home from golf, you’ll give her a full body massage to help her relax.
To make your Dogs Valentine’s Special, combine his or her top Love Languages for feeling loved (most of us have a couple we really enjoy), and use lots of words of appreciation. For example, for a Dog who loves touch and words of appreciation, write out a card with the things you value and adore and give it to him with a certificate offering a full body massage after their next golf game. Spend the massage telling him how much you appreciate his strong shoulders for being a great place to cuddle, and how much they take on… Rub his strong, gentle hands for how wonderfully they touch your body and take care of things. Tell him how safe and loved he makes you feel. Appreciate each part of him with your words and your touch.
Don’t rush! Believe me when I tell you that 20-minutes of focused, non-pressured time of affirming your Dog will go further than 2-hours of half-assed or rushed time.
Set aside time to make the event special for your Dog. Clear the calendar so you both have adequate time, one for him to let the energy of your words and actions in, and so that you can really focus and not rush. If you need to, get a sitter or book a hotel room, so you have space and quiet, please consider it. Your Dog loves you and wants to do a good job all year round. It’s wonderful to create some special time with him or her to let them know how special they are to you! These kinds of investments are what keep connections strong and intimacy healthy over the ups and downs life often sends our way.
