Disappointment happens…what do you do and how can you turn things around?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: We often get disappointed in life, and knowing how to handle that disappointment can make the difference between moving forward much more easily and feeling devastated. This is-
Reid: (Blows nose loudly)
Cathy: I feel very disappointed in my shirt right now.
Reid: Acting. That was great. I’m an acting teacher. I’m Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com. Don’t give up your day job?
Reid: Never.
Cathy: Yes.
Reid: Never.
Cathy: Reid created Cuddle Parties, and he has a great line that helps a lot with disappointment. Would you like to share it?
Reid: I don’t know what line you’re referring to.
Cathy: Thank you for taking care of yourself.
Reid: Ohhh. That’s so sweet.
Cathy: When someone says no to us, it really is easier to feel rejected. It’s easier to feel like, oh, they don’t like me or don’t want me, but we can turn that into disappointment, which we can handle better and handle that disappointment well if we say, “Thank you for taking care of yourself.”
Reid: What that ends up doing is you’re telling your brain, “This must be a good thing because we’re thanking them for taking care of themselves.” The more important piece for me is you’re encouraging people to say no to you when they’re really a no. We’ve all had experiences where you’ve invited somebody to do something with you and they said yes. Then while you were doing it it was obvious-
Cathy: They hated it.
Reid: -that they didn’t want to be there and it’s a bummer of a time. When people say no to you, you want to encourage that so that they don’t pull that saying yes on you when they really should have said no, and then you have to go through all of the bullshit of dealing with their mopey attitude. You looking at people saying no as them taking care of themselves and saving you all that grief can for some people turn the idea of what rejection is around and then thanking them. You’re telling your brain, this was a good thing that they did, which can also kind of jujitsu some of that feeling of rejection.
Cathy: I love that phrase. It’s very, very helpful. Realize that someone trusts you enough to say no, and that’s a scary word in our society. To say no to something takes courage and trust. I encourage you to start with small things because the big things can still swamp you until you build up the muscles around this. Practice with small things. If someone says, “No, I don’t want to get lunch right now,” “Thank you for taking care of yourself.” It does get your brain thinking a different way.
Come back for our next video, and, in the meantime, leave a comment below. Once one time when you felt disappointed and this phrase might have helped, or do you think this phrase wouldn’t help? Leave a comment below and subscribe to our channel. We’d love for you to keep in touch.
Reid: Bye.
Cathy: Bye.