… the answer will revive romance in your relationship!
[E.T.A. – Oct 1, 2019: This article was republished on YourTango, but it’s become hard to find the Page 2 of the article on their site now, so I’m posting the entire article here so folks can find it easily. I also updated broken links and upgraded some of the pronoun-use from the original 2013 article. Enjoy!]
A lot of people think of acts of romance as being gender-specific. Men should bring home bouquets of long-stemmed roses and women should wear naughty lingerie to keep the fire burning in their relationships. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it perpetuates false gender roles and actually misleads people into following a set of rigid sex-centric guidelines that ends up hurting the relationship – and disregards your uniqueness as a couple. I have a solution.
So here’s my secret technique: consider romance from the perspective of a cat or a dog.
A lot of people think of acts of romance as being gender-specific. Men should bring home bouquets of long-stemmed roses and women should wear naughty lingerie to keep the fire burning in their relationships. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it perpetuates false gender roles and actually misleads people into following a set of rigid sex-centric guidelines that ends up hurting the relationship – and disregards your uniqueness as a couple. I have a solution.
So here’s my secret technique: consider romance from the perspective of a cat or a dog.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “What’s the difference between thinking in male/female terms and cat/dog terms?” Bear with me for a moment.
If you’re dating a “cat”, your significant other’s idea of romance is the thought behind the act. In the mind of a cat-person, romance proves that you were thinking of him/her before they walked into the room. Your significant other gets all warm and fuzzy inside when you bring home flowers, make dinner reservations or send a thoughtful card.
If you’re dating a “dog” (and I’m a dog by the way), romance is being told that he/she/they is a “good dog.” When you praise your partner for their accomplishments and actions or let your partner know how much you appreciate them, this makes a dog-person feel loved and more open to intimacy.
So where does the conflict come from? Dogs are not usually thinking about things or people in advance. We’re always thinking and acting in the moment, so we don’t think about the people in our lives until we hear the keys in the door. Once we hear that key click and that doorknob turn, we’re excited because you’re home! All we want is for you to tell us that we’re a “good dog” and have you play with us and feed us.
That’s all. We’re very simple. But of course, for cats, that’s not very thoughtful. A cat will be wondering why you weren’t thinking of them beforehand. So, what’s the solution?
…The solution lies in playing romance detective!
First, identify whether your partner is more like a cat or a dog. Of course, people are on a spectrum, but focus on their primary orientation. (And if you want more practical, powerful solutions like these, check out my Relationship10x course for free videos.)
Here are some specific date night examples:
Date Night 1: It’s date night. Your partner is a cat, you’re a dog and you didn’t make reservations for dinner. It’s not because you weren’t being thoughtful, but because you think the act of romance itself is getting food. You’re not thinking in advance, because you don’t know what kind of cuisine your partner is going to be in the mood for and you wanted to satisfy him/her. But your partner – the cat – feels frustrated, like you don’t care. If your partner is a cat, make the reservations and you’ll win big points, whether you picked the perfect restaurant or not (you two can always change your minds and go someplace else).
Date Night 2: Dogs get very confused when, in the middle of the day, a cat calls and says, “Hi, just thinking about you. How’s your day going?” This is a cat’s way of saying that they care. If you’re a cat and you want to affirm your partner (who is a dog), you can call them in the middle of the day and say “I was just thinking about how great you are and how much I appreciate everything you do for us.”
…Augment their Romance Orientation with Love Languages!
After you’ve figured out whether you’re partner is a cat or a dog and have their “romance orientation” on lock, it’s time to figure out how to express love and caring in ways that will land on them. I recommend Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages for your next round of detective work.
Want some suggestions for cross-breeding Cats and Dogs with Love Languages? Here you go…
Gifts:
For a cat: order several smaller gifts ahead of time and wrap them. Then offer them to your partner when he/she least expects it!
For a dog: offer a gift, saying it’s a “good dog treat.”
Acts Of Service
For a cat: do the dishes when it’s your partner’s turn, acknowledging that he/she has a big meeting to focus on for tomorrow.
For a dog: do the dishes as a simple way of saying “thank you.”
Words Of Affirmation
For a cat: hide little notes around the house saying how much you appreciate them.
For a dog: tell your partner how wonderful they are in the moment.
Quality time
For a cat: tell them ahead of time that you want to spend time at your partner’s favorite restaurant – and make those reservations!
For a dog: look them deeply in the eyes while praising how hard they work to make you happy.
Touch
For a cat: when your partner comes home, have candles, rose petals and soft music playing as a set-up for a massage.
For a dog: cuddle and rub their back while you praise and acknowledge them.
Remember not to forget to teach your loved ones how to apply these ideas to YOU, okay? You deserve more romance in your life, too!
If you liked this article, check out the Creating Your Romance Homerun program , which will teach you how to create knock-it-out-of-the-park Romance Recipes for you and your loved ones!
