What is Orgasmic Braking Distance? | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on March 28, 2020

What is Orgasmic Braking Distance? | Facebook Walk With Reid

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello everybody! It is Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and I don’t like this camera angle so I’m going to fix it with my selfie stick. I am broadcasting from the car because I was running some errands. I’m mailing a sex geek t-shirt to Israel I think today and…and it started raining and I didn’t bring my umbrella so rather than try to go for our walk in the rain and get my camera wet and…..and you all wet normally speaking because that’s never….I think that’s nice more ah! Sorry. I think that’s more annoying with raindrops on the screen than anything else. Okay, please hold. It’s going to make some noise there we go. Okay, there we go. I guess that looks it just looks better than my steering wheel but give me one more second let’s try this one more time. Look at the steering wheel, oh much better now.

Yeah, so rather than get you all wet and get my phone wet I decided I would just sit here in the parking lot and….and talk to you today and then I was like “oh, what can we talk about?” and I was like well breaking distance orgasmic breaking distance and then we’ll talk about learning to drive which is you know if you remember for those of you who have driver’s licenses what learning to drive was like and how overwhelming it was at first like I remember my first my first driving lesson with my instructor beside me and I was well into learning the signs and…and you know breaking distance and keep three seconds distance between the person in front of you and all that stuff and now there’s dials and pedals and turn signals and the person who’s giving me my grade sitting next to me and it was really overwhelming and I freaked out in you know in my head and it made me really stressful intense and that anxiety you know with a little “A” that stress, that nervousness, all that cortisol and adrenaline did not make me a better driver in those moments. Now, I think the driving instructor knew that to expect that and that most young adults or even older adults learning how to drive would feel overwhelmed but I did not feel accomplished or competent or confident about my skills and all I could pay attention to was this…..the voices in my head screaming at me that I was doing a horrible job and noticing everything I was missing. Not all the stuff I was doing right or even being able to think far ahead enough to be like you know what in a couple of years, I’ll be really good at this or in a couple of decades I won’t think twice about all of this because it will have been ingrained and now I’m noticing and checking my rearview mirrors just as a practice because I got to establish some…..some good practices ahead of time or…..or establish good practices in the beginning. Where this comes into sex education and just your own sexual self-confidence is like there is no driver’s Ed for your sexuality in at least I’ll speak for just American culture you know and you most people didn’t get trained in the rules of the road when it comes to mapping out their own pleasure. See how these rules of the road I’m mapping that was good I feel very…..very proud of myself right now this is all coming together but you know we didn’t get taught how to understand our own bodies, how to understand our partners bodies especially if they have different genitalia than us or even when they do have the same genitalia that all bodies are actually different and that they can be different from you know Wednesday and Thursday and that our bodies will change over time as well. My….my body now that I’m in my late 40’s does things or doesn’t do things as easily as when I was in my early 20’s and a lot of for some people that is just how it goes and there are ways to you know become a better driver in your later years but that again requires a certain kind of education and we don’t really talk about that kind of stuff.

So as I see people saying hello, you can feel free to chime in from where you’re where you’re watching from and also if you remember what it was like learning how to drive a car and how stressful that might have been just so that other people get that they’re not alone. As we continue to talk about driving learning how to drive and having it be like learning your own body and how to drive your partner’s orgasmically wild in bed, to drive them ecstatically pleasure. The piece I want to talk about is the orgasmic breaking distance which for a lot of penis owners out there and for people who worry about or struggle with the challenges of premature ejaculation this idea I believe I was introduced to the concept by Nina Hartley for those of you who are fans of the adult film star, ex registered nurse and amazing sexual freedom activist Nina Hartley, I think this is where I got the….the concept and I’m pretty sure she taught me this. It might have been Carol Queen who’s also an amazing sex educator and Sex Ed hero of mine but whoever it was if you’re watching and I didn’t mention you and it was you who taught me this please just call me in on that and let me know because I do want to attribute great ideas when I can and I’m not always going to be perfect but….but always everybody feel free to PM me or you know message me or you know do write in the comments “Reid that’s wrong. It was this person.” And also if you hear about these concepts from other people because sometimes people come up with concepts and don’t get acknowledged for them just because they didn’t have a blog or they’re not a teacher. Aida Manduley is a really great example of somebody who talks about polyamory being like electron shells of an atom and I  talked about polyamory or at least my sex life looking like plutonium with so many electrons and I want to give credit to Aida because we…..we do know Aida was the first person ever blogged about it and that idea might have been implanted in my head from a conversation with Aida and I never really credited Aida on that and so I try to be better about crediting that concept to Aida or at least the first blog post and maybe somebody who was poly thirty years ago talked about it like that. We don’t know. And as we as our industry – sex educators, nerds and geeks as we grow I just think it’s really great to kind of follow the….the trail and acknowledge people when you can.

That being said, I think it is Nina who talked about the idea of when you’re feeling a lot of pleasure and arousal and you’re getting closer and closer to orgasm if that is your goal it doesn’t have to be your goal but American culture and a lot of other cultures on the planet are very orgasm centric it’s actually smarter to just be pleasure centric and not make it about the destination or the arrival but about the journey as we sit in a car and I keep making travel analogies. The idea being if we look at like a scale from one to ten and ten is I’m coming I’ve….I’ve hurled myself over the edge and I cannot pull back. I have started having orgasm or ejaculating then nine is I’m really close to….to the point of no return, eightsome a little bit further back, seven, six you get the idea. The way that Nina talks about it is this idea of breaking distance is just like when it’s safer if you were three car lengths away from the car in front of you so you have enough time to react hit the brake and then for the car to slow down. If you’re thinking about orgasm and arousal from the idea of if you’re going really fast towards ten and you try to hit up you try to hit the brakes, there’s a big difference when your arousal is like a six, you’re breathing in your body now it’s seven I’m getting more aroused whatever I’m doing to myself or my…..my lovers are doing to me, now I’m an eight, now I’m a nine I’m getting really close to orgasm I’m creeping up to nine and a half oh my goodness I’m teetering on the edge and then I’m going to slow down and pull it back….back to a nine back to an eight back to a seven. That is….there’s a difference between that and oh my goodness I’m so excited, I’m so hot, I’m…..I don’t know what to do I’m holding on to my…..my steering wheel it’s a five, it’s a six, it’s a seven, it’s an eight, it’s a nine I’m here to get the brakes but I’m skidding off the edge ahhhh orgasm.

I hope that…..I had fun doing that little dramatic reenactment here in the car but the idea of if your partner like let’s say you’re giving your partner a handjob, if they’re so excited and you just like pedal to the metal for it and you’re just speeding towards the cliff of orgasm, no ma…. you know it’s at a certain point no matter how hard they hit the brakes or you try to slow them down they just screeching Corrine off the edge and Nina talks about you know breaking distance like how far are you away from orgasm and how fast is your arousal going? So that you have control to be able to back off and slow down and you know not go off the edge into ejaculation. So I always thought that that was a really…..really interesting concept and a great visual and then when you combine when you combine it when you pair it with that learning how to drive is you know was generally very complicated for a lot of people then you can apply this idea of just orgasm control like ejaculation control the things that are covered like in Tantra and in Taoist sexual practices and things that are covered also in sex therapy and counseling where you know penis owners are trying to figure out like how to have some sort of control? It can be overwhelming when you start trying to track all of these things at once but if you give it time, if you stick with it, if you…..you know get good tools and educational information that’s not shaming you for being a bad driver especially if you already think you’re a bad driver when it comes to being in the bedroom. If you get really sex positive emotionally you know aspirational inspiring programs or courses or books or….or educators to like cheer you on then and also teach you that you’re it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to feel frustrated like that’s a part of learning then it can make the journey easier and also not to just make this about peni…..penis owners but for those of you who have clits and vulvas whatever your genitalia. If you want to play with orgasm and arousal and speeding up and then slowing down and going really fast towards orgasm and then slamming on the brakes and maybe skidding and doing donuts or whatever you know whatever fun and exciting cool things that you can do to explore your body and what it does then this idea of breaking distance can be really useful because for some of us who may have lovers who like to tease who like to be teased, getting somebody really close to orgasm and then pulling them back and then getting them really close to orgasm and pulling them back or what’s also known as edging like getting somebody really close to coming and just keeping them kind of right at almost for some people that’s…..that’s frustrating in a very exciting way.

So knowing how to play with….with orgasm and with pleasure and…..and being able to listen to and hear people’s bodies kind of like if your car driver being able to feel the road under the car through the steering wheel and….and through the tires. For those of you grew up on in cold climates like learning how to drive on snow and ice like you kind of you…..you’re listening and feeling how the car and the tires are….are interacting with the road and somebody who’s never driven on snow or ice just hits the gas and then skids out or hits the brakes and….and skids out. So this idea of the more that you know once you get through your….your learning curve frustrations the more you know and the more you kind of practice when you have good information, the more cool things you can do with the car, with your lover’s bodies, with your own bodies. So this is where you know and nerd like me kind of geeks out on these things. But today’s for our little talk that turned into an inside the car while it’s raining conversation I just wanted to give some credit to…..to Nina Hartley and if you’re a fan of Nina Hartley or if you’re a fan of this breaking distance idea for orgasm give me some emoticons and that way if Nina if Nina’s watching this she can see some emoticons float by the screen but I just wanted to share that today.

This is also one of the concepts that I talked about one of the many concepts I talked about in my sex 10x online course. So if you want some free videos around sexuality and empowerment and then you wanted you would like an invite to possibly do the course or attend the two show-and-tell sex education retreat seminars that I have going on this year then go to sex the number 10 http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ and sign up for those courses or for the free training and the….and then consider coming and hanging out with me for our retreats where we do some show-and-tell sex education and…..and I’ll actually be able to demonstrate exactly what I mean that we talked about here in the car. While you watch take notes, ask questions and….and I will also get to hang out and geek out and one of those retreats, in particular, there’s a hot tub and a pool and a sauna and I’m catering the whole thing and we’re just going to geek out and….and learn a whole bunch of cool nifty things and you’ll have some opportunity to go and do homework or take a hike or hang on hot tub and so sign up for the free videos so then you can get all the information to those retreats.

That’s it! I’m going to be home soon Allison if you’re watching and thanks again everybody for…..for tuning in and remember to buckle up when you’re in bed, safer sex all those things and leave a comment. Let me know what you thought about the orgasmic breaking distance idea. Alright? Bye!

 

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