What Do You Mean When You’re Traveling at the Speed of Pleasure? | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on April 30, 2020

What Do You Mean When You’re Traveling at the Speed of Pleasure? | Facebook Walk With Reid

 

 

 

Reid: Oh yeah! Hello sex geek! It’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and it’s time for our walk. Oh, oh, do we have a surprise guest? Here on Facebook live ladies and gentlemen, Tatyana Brown world

Tatyana: Hello.

Reid: champion spoken word person.

Tatyana: Sure

Reid: All-around awesome person and friend and roommate. Do you want to say hi to Facebook live?

Tatyana: Oh, hello Facebook live. What are you talking about today?

Reid:  We’re talking about traveling at the speed of pleasure.

Tatyana: That sounds like a really fucked up Star Trek [Inaudible 00:00:37]

Reid: Exactly!

Tatyana: Alright.

Reid: Alright.

Tatyana: I hope you all have fun. Bye!

Reid: Bye! Special guests just…..just walking around the neighborhood. These are who we see today and who are you, neighbor? Who are you and where are you from? And if you’re just joining us, tell….you know what let us know how many of these videos do you think you’ve watched ish? Give us a range. Let’s….let’s hear from people about how many videos you think you’ve watched because then we can say hi to the people who are watching their first video because we know that people have been sharing our little walks together, so thank you for that and people have been reposting and leaving comments and I’m at my 5,000 Facebook friend limit. So people can follow because that’s a thing that Facebook was been doing for a while. You can follow people and you can just find them and then people have been setting up in their…you know in their notifications that Facebook will alert them when somebody starts a live video. They can follow it with that you’re friends with. So friends of mine have been saying that it’s fun when their little notification pops up and the….and then they get to watch a video and I haven’t really been able to commit to a regular time for sharing the videos but I try to do it before nightfall when I can remember. So how many videos have you watched neighbor? And maybe one day I’ll come walking in your neighborhood and will say hi to you.

Today we are talking about traveling at the speed of pleasure and what I mean by that as I take a little pick and say hi! Hey everyone! So what I mean by this was for those of you who don’t need too much information Allison’s mom if you’re watching you should hit pause now. So, Ali and I were taking a break from the things we’re doing this weekend for a little….little sex time together. A little intimate sensuality time and Allison I hope it’s okay that I’m sharing this but Allison is on her period and so was feeling a little tender and I asked like “well what does that mean?” And you know she was like “well I’ve had a tampon in….couple of tampons in over the last 12, 24 hours and so things were just tender.” And for me as a penis owner, I was like “oh, that……yeah that would kind of change it a little bit. I hadn’t….I hadn’t thought of it like that.” So we had to go slow and not that we go fast all the time but there was certain I had a different awareness of us needing to warm up which was it…..was it foreplay? Was it not foreplay or was it just me hmmm listening a little bit different in a geeky way? I’m like “oh, yeah” like if you know something’s going on in your body, we should slow it down until the body or your body or my body kind of catches up.

For those of you who ever grew up in cold wintry environments with ice or packed snow you know that when you’re trying to get traction and….and pull out of a driveway you just don’t hit it. You have to go slow enough until you feel the tires kind of catching on the surface so that you can move forward. You don’t want to go into a skid automatically and I think these are my thoughts because in Allison I’m sorry if you notice this but maybe you didn’t while we’re having some of our sex, I started thinking about “ooh, I should talk about this on Facebook live today” and so I was a little part of me that was a smidge distracted because I was noticing what I was noticing and I was like “ooh! Like we should teach this. This is useful stuff.” So the thing I was I was kind of thinking about just a smidge while Allison and I were together but I thought about this later was the idea of you know how do you listen to your partner’s body and to your own body so that you know when it’s safe to hit the gas so to speak or to go a little faster or to pick up speed or to you know blank whatever whether that’s penetration, whether that’s undressing people, whether that’s you know whatever? So there… what was just very interesting and it had me thinking about the concept that maybe some of you are really good at already which is kind of like this idea of you travel at the speed of pleasure and what I mean by that is how….how fast you’re going is…..is always going to be at the….the speed because it’s not actual speed…..speed but how fast you’re going is appropriate for what’s needed in the moment for people to experience maximum pleasure versus when you go too fast or too hard or you know doing something that is really just creating sensation but there it’s….it’s sensation without traction it’s like you’re spinning your wheels. The idea being if you’re touching somebody really softly and slowly and you can feel what you’re feeling and they can feel what you’re doing versus if you’re just rubbing them really fast and there’s a lot of sensation but it’s not really doing anything. There’s a lot of there’s a lot going on but it’s not really achieving what it is you’re trying to you know move towards if that makes sense.

So how do you the question then becomes if you…. you know think this is an interesting idea, it’s like how do you know how fast is the right fast, the right speed of pleasure? And if you’re lucky, you get to hang out with and….and play with people and maybe you yourself or somebody who has their words and can speak up and say you know “here’s what I need” or “this feels good” “this doesn’t feel good.” Or you know “can you go slower?” “Can you go faster? “Can you do more pressure?” “Can you do less pressure? “Can you use your fingernails versus your fingertips? Can you be more bitey and chompy and less slobbery?” Like whatever those things are. If you’re lucky, you’re sleeping with people like that and they just kind of help you tell or check-in or….or report like what the speed needs to be and you know if you’re lucky you’re somebody who has your words and knows how to describe what it is or pinpoint what it is that your body needs and…..and describe it in a way where your partners like “yes! Excellent. Got that!” With Allison and I, a piece from….from today was well she’s like “well, I want to you know can I have a vibrator? Like I’m going to I’m going to grab the Hitachi. Where is the Hitachi?” And she knew for herself and I’m just I’m going to apologize in advance because I didn’t check in with Ali about sharing this stuff. I’m assuming it’s okay but if this video mysteriously disappears it’s because I will return home and she’ll be like “why did you share all that?” But I think we’re fine because I imagine if Allison came with me on this walk, this is exactly what we’d be talking about. So she was like you know “let me……let’s use the vibrator. Let’s make sure we have Lube on hand” and you know “I would like penetrative sex but I need to warm up first.” And so there was a lot of agency and words that helped me kind of figure out the….the like “oh! You know we just slow this way down as compared to you know the other day when we had a quickie that went really fast and was really awesome but our bodies were in a very different place.”

I think the….the big piece of advice is just always check-in and always be trying to get better at using your words and encouraging your….your lovers to use their words and even though you know or have some assumptions or some really good data that X, Y & Z tend to work really well or you know A, B and C my partner really loves almost all of the time. Treat every situation like it’s an etch-a-sketch and shake it up and you know you’re always starting with a new drawing and you’re always you know kind of questioning your assumptions as you’re going in which is really just like your ability to take the information that you have, know that it’s there but not make assumptions. I think that’s just the kind of you know maybe a little formula or way of describing being present, a way of you know checking in with your partner and being there and being in the moment in a way that doesn’t just erase where people are in the moment and replace it with these ideas or this data that you have where you know X, Y & Z have always worked. So we will do X, Y and Z and we’ll do it in a way that we’ve always done it because 80% of the time it’s awesome and it works for…..for both of us. I think the upgrade there is you know that that stuff usually works, you know that those are your favorites but you’re aware that it might be that today is one of those 20% days and so you’re checking in and being present and being in the moment and going with it. That’s a much better place to be I think as a lover, as a human being when you’re trying to be erotically consensual with people to better place or better way I think of approaching your own sexuality, when you’re checking in with your own body and what do I really need right now you know you feel horny, you’re going to masturbate and you’re like “oh, you know this is the thing I….I….I always like” but you know maybe you pause and you take a breath and you sit there and you’re like “what is…..what is it that my body really want?” And then you check-in because maybe one day, that 20% of the time your body is going to say you know we need to do this instead or you’ll have a new idea or insight and then all of a sudden you’re in the realm of because you’re present and not making assumptions but you’re not throwing out all your data, now you’re in this really interesting realm of creativity which you know with Allison and I today you know that’s kind  of where I was and I’m like “ooh, well if we slow it down a lot what can we do or what can I do if I if I know that you’re tender what can I do that would spice things up and maybe be new? What can I slow down in a different way?” And so you know I was in a more creative headspace and you know we got to just go really slow with our sex and I know that Nicole Daedone from https://onetaste.us/ kind of coined I don’t know if she coined the term but you know was…was one who made it more famous to talk about slow sex riffing off of the slow food slow cooking movement but you know in really slowing it down.  If you don’t have a lot of really like you know super slow-mo…..thought you know super slow-mo sex, if you don’t have a lot of that then trying that feels really new and different and so you know for those of you here like “what do you actually mean, Reid?” But basically what it meant was we made out with the…..with almost penetration happening and we were in no rush to get to penetration and then you know we’re like “well, what about the vibrator that that we pulled out from beneath the bed like hey, what are we going to do with that now? Let’s add that” and so we just built it really slowly in a way that was really fun for me and in a way where I was only thinking just a smidge about telling you all about how to teach this idea because I’ve used that term before moving at the….the speed of pleasure and I….I did not Google to see if anybody else has ever said that. So it could be very well that somebody else has….has talked about it and maybe I heard it and I just you know thought I you know like “Aha! I came at this great term. It’s probably already out there.” So if any of you want to Google it and see if it’s attributed to anybody and even if it’s not doesn’t necessarily mean I’m the first person who’ve ever said it because remember there was a time before blogs and YouTube where people talked about things and there was an oral tradition.

So who knows? But what do you think about this idea of moving at the speed of pleasure which really means you know is you or your partner or who in the group is traveling the slowest? So that you can all adjust the speed because it’s not really miles per hour anything like that but can you…..you adjust your speed and the intention of your attention to create a situation where the people involved can feel the most the maximum amount of pleasure without you going too fast, too hard, too soon where it’s not really pleasure, it’s just sensation. And most people aren’t…..they’re looking for the kind of sensation or the pace or the amount of pressure or the right kind of sensation that will allow them to feel the most in a…. in a way that’s occurring to them as pleasure. If we’re going to the kink world, there are a lot of people who are into sensation play and you can geek out maybe we’ll have a video on that one day but you can geek out on different kinds of sensation and then for some people when they’re really aroused you know things that would look like to….to me like “Ouch! That’s kind of hurt.” For some people that kind of painful sensation gets registered completely different either because it’s erratically anchored and it’s just a turn-on to their brain or body chemistry wise and neurologically it’s a turn-on to their nervous system and we’ve talked about that in…..in previous videos.

I think that’s all I’m going to talk about today. So if you’re interested in this kind of stuff, oh this was the other thing I wanted to share, so I’m getting ready in a couple of weeks. I have my two-day Deep Dive Retreat for people who have been going through my online course http://sex10x.kajabi.com/ and…..and this is the thing that I….I totally forgot that I would talk about is the reason this is so useful to talk about and the reason I’m such an advocate for Show-and-Tell sex education is the concept of describing it is…..is way more powerful to learn when somebody shows you it and in a world where we’re not allowed to watch people have sex as a means of learning I mean we can watch porn but it’s not we can we can ask questions of the porn performer. So I have a two-day Deep Dive Retreat where I’m going to be doing Show-and-Tell sex education and we’ll actually have explicit Show-and-Tell stuff so where I can talk about this concept and actually demonstrate it and show people what it looks like so that you can kind of get into your head and get into your muscles and be like “oh, okay” because for some folks some of this embodiment context, some of the somatic learning it’s like for me having been a martial artist like you can describe to me a judo throw but if you show me it, I……then all of a sudden there’s like this different “Aha” moment. I’m like “oh, that’s what you mean.” And then I can ask a question to Sensei and…..and then you know in a martial arts class then I can be like “well Sensei can you throw me?” Like let….like “throw me so I can feel it.” In the Deep Diver Retreat, we won’t be doing that kind of thing but for people who are coming with their partners or with a friend or a lover….you will have homework assignment time. So we’ll show, we’ll tell, people ask questions, they’ll take notes and then and then people will have a break to go off and practice and they will come back and have more questions. So if you’re interested in any of that or just want to see what with that kind of a the breakdown of what that looks like as a you know invitation to come to a Deep Dive then you can go to http://reidaboutsex.com/deepdive and that’ll give you the sales invite page for the online course, the Deep Dive Retreat as well and it will also let you another neighbor driving by and waving and….and then that’ll also mention the 3-day retreat that I’ve got coming up in the fall of Halloween. The weekend before Halloween.

So thanks again everybody for being a part of our walk today. The sun is in my eye so I can’t see the screen but if you give me some emoticons as I….I’m on the way out, I’ll be able to see it when I re-watch the video and answer comments and things like that. Thanks again everyone. It’s so….I really I appreciate that you get to be my excuse to get the hell out of the house and get some sunshine. I hope today was useful and Allison I hope I didn’t share too much information and I’ll talk to you guys all later. Have a great Saturday when this was a broadcast live. Alright. Mwah! Bye!

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