How Do You Deal Heavy Lifting Stuffs in Relationships? | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on August 5, 2020

How Do You Deal Heavy Lifting Stuffs in Relationships? | Facebook Walk With Reid

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello Facebook! It’s Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and let’s see….I’m going to walk this way. I’m at the beach. I wasn’t planning on Facebook living so I don’t have my selfie stick so I’m sorry. It might be a little bit shakier than usual.

As you say hello this morning, let me know where you’re saying hello from. I’m at the beach in in Alameda, California right now. I’ve got my toes in the sand. I can’t see the camera so I hope you can see them. I’m going to walk in the water right at the end of this video so remind me to do that. I was adulting today. I need to get my passport renewed and so I got up early to go to the passport place ‘coz the line gets crazy and I needed to renew it because it expires this year and I have to go to Canada in September to…to lecture at a university there. So I needed to adult and….and you know what? I realized I….filling out official forms makes me feel weird. I get all stressed out like I’m going to do it wrong and then somebody from you know the government’s going to yell at me and that had me feel really empathetic. I had a big wave of empathy for all my friends and you know all the other people that are dealing with visas and you know passport things and you know I mean if I’m getting nervous as a white dude, then it’s got to be totally shitty for a lot of other people and totally normal for anyone to feel anxious and tight and your shoulders get all like “Ahh!” Anxious and tight filling out any kind of official stuff and I also get that way around taxes too.

So, I don’t know maybe we need like passport buddies or you know official document buddies who can who can give you support when you’re filling out official paperwork. Who knows? I mean I even get nervous when I’m filling out the….the customy things on the airplane when you have to write down like what flight number and declare you know if you’re if you’re smuggling in thousands and thousands of dollars or something like that. So, whatever. Uhh! And I was lucky enough that the passport place was by the beach and I’m like I need to go fucking walk in the water. So, I’m going to do that now. I’ve got my jeans, let me fold my jeans a little bit more but yeah, it was so stressful. It’s so stressful.

The other thing that…that I’d inspire for today’s talk is oh, here we go. Oh, there is. Ohhhh. Ohh. It feels good. Alright….alright like I’m feeling better just getting to talk to you all. It’s helping. So one thing just to mention is when you’re feeling stressed and it is appropriate, tell somebody. Tell somebody that that you know preferably that knows and likes you. Don’t tell somebody who hates your guts ‘coz you might get the wrong you might not get the support you need but somebody who is hopefully empathetic. You….my Facebook audience and my YouTube audiences are very kind to me, so thank you. So I can share this stuff but I wanted to share talk about heavy lifting you know since I was adulting this morning, I put my adult pants on and went to the passport office. The water feels really good. I had a situation recently where and I’m not going to I’m not going to talk about the situation because the details aren’t important and I want to be respectful of the people in my life or even in my life just casually but we had a situation in my life where something wasn’t a good fit and the choice was do I have the tough conversation with some people that is just going to suck like really make the situation suck or do I try to tough it out and hope for the best for the next 30 to 60 days? So it was a temporary situation, everybody was trying to be you know good people and it was just apparent really quickly that it was probably not a good fit and it was just going to cause more tension and anxiety. Maybe anxiety all in lowercase letters but with the potential of the….the uncomfortability and the anxiety to maybe get into all caps like there is no predicting whether it was going to work out or not or there was no there was no predicting whether it was going to work out. It already showed signs immediately of probably not working out and so this is this is like the heavy lifting in relationship situations where I think that there are some situations where what you need or maybe sometimes you know moments in your life where everybody being good people like that’s the baseline, right? We assume good intentions and that people are going to be kind and considerate or kind if they can be, right? But you’re going to try to be you know try your best to try your best. But….but the situation that’s needed or the dynamics of the situation demand a good fit to great fit like the situation itself whatever that is because you can fill in the blanks for your life – the situation requires a like “Ah, okay. I think this is going to work.” And that if it doesn’t work out over time that would be a surprise because in not in a deluded we all have crushes on each other or we’re all in love and…and the…the chemistry of love is influencing our assessment of the situation but like your initial response to the dynamics is a relief.

And….and the reason I’m calling this the heavy lifting and I have to shift side so we have to say goodbye to the ocean for a second. Right, a second switch hands. Sorry about that. The reason this is a heavy lifting exercise is we had the con… oh sorry. We had the conversation about it not being a good fit really quickly and everyone was hoping it was going to be a good fit and we weren’t not all of us, not 100% of the people involved were assure like we’re sure it was a bad fit but it…odds are, it was going to end horribly and so the heavy lifting decision was we’re going to we’re going to end this now and go through all the uncomfortable shitty situation feelings and try to support each other in you know the next phase before this gets completely unhealthy and….and just bad for everybody. So it was like rather than try to cross our fingers and hope it works out and everybody endure and risk. Everybody enduring becoming more exhausted and then having it become a fucking radioactive train wreck, we’re going to declare this a shitty situation and go through all the uncomfortable feels and…and try as best as we can to acknowledge why we’re…we’re doing the heavy lifting right now and…and just do damage control really and….and try to be as kind as we can in the moment in a you know in a kind of harm reduction kind of way  understanding that people are going to have feelings and might not you know they might lash out or….or you know be pissed off and it’s okay for people to have feelings but to try to stick to why you know the larger intention.

So I guess the heavy lifting… I’m going to walk backward because I want to be able to see you. The heavy lifting was just having to be adults and just fucking you know to bite the bullet on that and…and have the conversation and just go through the shitty uncomfortable aftermath rather than you know having the whole thing explode and go nuclear 30 days from now or 60 days from now. So that was the heavy lifting thing I wanted to talk about. It fucking sucks and I think sometimes showing up and doing the uncomfortable stuff is really the compassionate move and you might doubt yourself, you might have self-doubt and….and just kind of believing that people you know people can be horrible fits for each other and still be good people and again you know I’ve just been through enough in my lifetime by now with situations where I try to make it work and ended up becoming exhausted and then in my exhaustion, I wasn’t able to show up powerfully for people and then you know my…my having a short temper or short fuse or saying something really mean, I mean that makes me feel horrible and you know the other people don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve me being shitty because but again like it’s that weird thing like….like they don’t deserve me being shitty for trying to make it work when I knew early on it probably wasn’t going to work and that’s….that’s that today that’s adultings to me and it was nerve-wracking going to the passport office.

So there you go. I’m going to end the video now because I’ll probably run out of battery at some point and the….but I don’t think I’ll run out of beach. I got tons of beach here. I’ll look at comments later today and whenever you’re in a crappy situation, when you can, I mean try to be kind to people because they’re in a crappy situation too. So I’m also trying to use the resources I do have to stay as kind and compassionate as I can and then you know hopefully this was the right move and in the end we saved a lot of people a lot of grief. I don’t know. I guess that’s life. I guess that’s growing up. You don’t always know there aren’t always guarantees and we’ll leave it there.

So leave your comments, hit some emoticons, share this video with somebody and then check your passports if you have passports, check to see if….if they’ve expired, if you need to renew them just in case you have to leave the country you know and…and then if….if you’re if you’re going to get your passport and it’s scary just tag me on Facebook and I’ll….I’ll give you some…some love.

Alright everybody, mwah! Bye! One more time into the ocean. Ahhhh! Chao!

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