Fingering Tips And How Do People Pick Up Bad Habits From Watching Porn | Facebook Walk With Reid

by Reid on March 7, 2021

                                                       Fingering Tips And How Do People Pick Up Bad Habits From Watching Porn | Facebook Walk With Reidtwo purple lesbian sex toys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reid: Hello everybody its Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/ and we are at the Portland Airport today and I was thinking about things to talk about today and decided to talk about something that would be maybe tricky…tricky to talk about at the airport so let’s see if we can do that today.

I want to talk about some…some quick advice about…about hand sex, about fingering and…and just the quick question about you know one finger or two how…how people pick up how well-intentioned people pick up bad habits from…from porn and understanding that that there isn’t a really a kind of like porn literacy class that gets taught where in in most culture where people are taught that adult media, for the most part, is an entertainment medium and that trying to learn how to be a better lover from watching porn is like trying to learn how to be a better driver from watching The Fast and The Furious except that when you go watch race car movie or an action movie while you might feel compelled to squeal out of the parking lot after the film you know you’re not supposed to, you’re not supposed to be picking up driving cues from…from the Baby Driver movie.

However in sex and…and in porn, there’s such little conversation about you know great sex and so many people have such bad sex education growing up that now with the Internet you know a lot of people are Googling you know sex or fingering and not necessarily you know the first results that come up [Inaudible 00:02:08] wise aren’t necessarily the best educational bits of advice. And you know mainstream media isn’t gonna cover you know great you know fingering techniques and you might get something like I’m on a broad city or back in sex city you know quick conversation about you know fingerbanging but you’re not gonna get somebody giving you a nuanced conversation and walking you through thoughtfully the you know educational steps and the cultural misconceptions you know because they’re just gonna cut to commercial right away or it’s going to be played for comedy of it and also understanding that a lot of the writers  in mainstream media aren’t necessarily sex geeks and nerds you know they’re…they’re entertainment writers or journalists and you know so it’s kind of like when you look at the cultural picture, there’s a lot of trickle-down effect that basically results in that really well-meaning person you know that you met on Tinder or that you’re on a date with or that you’ve been in a relationship with for several years not really knowing some of the best practices.

So as I feel self-conscious with everybody walking around but I think this is fun, the… the idea of you know that the simple question you know one finger or two that anyone’s asking questions in bed more than just you know a well-meaning, well-intentioned question that’s really just a useless question which is you know “Is this okay or is this alright?” Because so many people are just conditioned to tolerate things or tolerate them in hopes of them getting better magically and if you take into account that a lot of people don’t know how to speak up or haven’t practiced a lot of speaking up in bed, in sex in general and then you take into account that people might have you know a lot of shitty you know traumatic like kind of experiences around sex then what you what you realize is from a sex geek perspective, can I ask better questions so better question would be you know one finger or two and that would be kind of after you ask the question would you like penetration or may I penetrate you and actually would you like penetration is the actual better a better question than you know may I penetrate you because you’re asking the person what they would like in the moment and like giving choices can be very great especially when you’re working with people or sleeping with people who are shy and maybe you’re a little bit more sexually literate and geeky and have your…your green belt or brown belt or black belt and maybe you’re sleeping with a white belt so what are those questions you can ask and then generally speaking also lube is always a great choice whenever using hand sex on all genitals. Lube, lube, lube, lube is just increases…increases pleasurable sensations and all the stigma that’s around having to use lube so being the person who’s like “Hey you know I’ve got lube in the dresser drawer or you know under the bed or underneath the pillow, would you pass it to me? Do you have a preference on the kind of lube that you like…do you like water-based or silicone?” Like asking all these questions where you’re…you’re hedging your bets like because lube is just a…it’s better to be using you’re giving people options that will increase their pleasure and this might be a little sneaky you’re not giving them the option not to use lube and this is all predicated on the fact that you’ve negotiated that you’re even having hands down on people’s pants that you had your safer sex conversations, that you were open and doing your best and being you due diligence at creating a situation where people can say yes, can say no, can speak up if they change their mind and that any hesitation on someone’s part is….to you means pause and/or an immediate no.

You know hesitation or wavering can sometimes be because somebody doesn’t know what they want because they’re like “Hmmm, what do I want? Do I want one finger or two?” But hesitation can also mean I don’t want to be fingered.  So again like you know being savvy and, and, and, and erring on the side of caution and encouraging people for you know to find they’re enthusiastic yes, that in the long run will serve you so much more than trying to you know trying to complete the task at hand. Last but not least before I have to get on get on to that flight over there one finger or two, I found you know in my casual research that fullness, when people are highly aroused, is usually more enjoyable.

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