Been in An Open Relationship for a Long Time, Am I Poly or Not?
Cathy: I was in an open relationship for the for 7 years and I’m wondering if, am I being poly because it’s a habitual thing that I’m used to, or is it right for me? How do I know? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: So the person that wrote in shared that they’ve been in a relationship where the person was open and they were as she kind of followed him into being open, and now she’s not, they’ve broken up and I’m not, she’s not sure if she should choose poly or not, how does she know?
Reid: It’s a good question. I mean try not being poly and see what makes you happier. Some people are can be all sorts of things and what is useful for them is when they’re in a healthy relationship that like that’s what they’re looking for and they’re in a healthy relationship and they just love having a relationship that’s healthy so they can if they were a musician they just like being in a band and play music.
Cathy: Yeah.
Reid: They don’t care if it’s rock, they don’t care if it’s country, they don’t care if it’s jazz, they just like playing music, so being in a healthy band makes them happy, for some folks, they have to be in a rock n roll band because only playing rock n roll music is is what they want and then, for somebody and somebody some other kind of music so maybe we don’t know you well enough you’re monogamous or poly and it doesn’t really matter as long as you have healthy and respectful relationships that leave you self-expressed and thriving but at the same time, maybe you would be happier in a monogamous relationship or continue being poly.
Cathy: It might be useful to mind the old relationship, look through the your memories of your most fulfilling moments and notice like, was that something that was with different people, was that just one person, just kind of look through what made you happy in your relationship because there may be aspects of it that were useful like I have a friend who’s romantically open, they have a lot of very close very loving friends but their sexual and in a relationship with one person, you get to define it and there’s other people that are romantically with one person but sexual with other people, there’s a lot of different ways to write this and you get to define yourself as you are but look and see what was fulfilling and what you were wishing for or longing for during that relationship because I don’t know many relationships that are perfect and we’re not wishing for something more and then see what would fulfill that.
Reid: Yeah. What do you think? Leave some comments.