I Want To Have Sex With Both Men and Women, How Do I Do It Ethically?

by Reid on June 3, 2020

I Want To Have Sex With Both Men and Women, How Do I Do It Ethically?




Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, “I’m a guy who has had sex with women for my entire life but I think I’m gay or bi. How do I ethically have sex with both men and women? Right now the women I’m truthful with reject me and I’m finding it hard to become more sexually confident.”

That is a great question I’m here with Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/.


Reid: Who are you?


Cathy: And I’m Cathy Vartuli from the http://theintimacydojo.com/


Reid: I’m Reid. I’ll stop whispering in a minute. This is a great question. I have advice but people have been criticizing me that it’s advanced advice.


Cathy: Oh, why don’t you give it?


Reid: I don’t….I don’t know how to make it simple. If you’re being truthful and honest with people and you’re pushing them away and like you’re scaring them away, I think that just means that they’re not the right people or the right species of people for you and that you’re probably looking for folks who maybe are already bisexual as well so they will have a deep understanding of like “oh, so you want to sleep with all kinds of genders?” I understand that.


Cathy: And that can be easier in different parts of the country and in different…..different sized cities. One thing I would recommend is …..if you are monogamous then that that makes it a little more challenging, if you are someone who’s…..well you can’t it’s ethically how can you sleep with men and women at the same time


Reid: And that means it’s challenging?


Cathy: Yes.


Reid: But you can be monogamous and be bisexual you just


Cathy: Yes.


Reid: you’re just sleeping with one person.


Cathy: You choose one but if you’re if you’re dating or you’re open to dating many people at the same time like my https://www.okcupid.com/ right at the top says I’m….I do open relationships, I’m not interested in monogamy and I also put that I you know I personally like to date men that are bisexual or at least hetero flexible because I’ve….I’ve been out with too many men that are just


Reid: Have Cathy after this video.


Cathy: Wow. Thanks Reid.


Reid: That’s a great advice. She’s wonderful.


Cathy: There are people out there that like to date bisexual men – women and men. So I would put Reid taught me this when I was first wanting to date and he said put the thing you’re most scared of people rejecting you for right at the top of your dating profile, filter them out right away. So say I’m bisexual and I’m you know I have been slept with a lot of men and you know just say that right at the top and then see what you know explore and find out what feels right for you. Do you like to have sex with a couple? Do you like to have you know like kind of explore that date different people and explore that?


Reid: And I’m not….again like my advice is very simple that doesn’t mean it’s easy because you might start taking the advice telling everybody that you’d like to sleep with men and women then everybody leaves you  and then you’re stuck in a small town that somehow only filled with straight people.


Cathy: Yeah.


Reid: And all of a sudden you’re alone. So I’m not saying it’s easy, that can be the unfortunate byproduct of being transparent and if you start figuring out where the watering holes are for people who are who are bisexual or straight people who like dating bisexual folks or gay people who like dating bisexual folks or however somebody identifies who likes who’s…..they’re waiting for “oh my goodness. How come I can’t find more bisexual people in my life or pansexual or whatever you know kind of sexual you want to identify as.” You starting to figure out those watering holes where folks like that hang out


Cathy: And they meet ups that are LGBT, cuddle parties are a good place to just get to know people in the community.


Reid: Cuddle parties are great but not


Cathy: They’re not….they’re not


Reid: They are not really go


Cathy: Do not hitting on people


Reid: scruzing for bisexual’s folks.


Cathy: But you can start meeting people and learning boundaries which is useful and then putting things up on….on if there’s a gay bar in your town or you know putting https://www.okcupid.com/  or plenty of fishes in places where people meet people.


Reid: But this isn’t a boundary conversation so


Cathy: No, I think


Reid: why…..why would you suggest cuddle parties?


Cathy: Well, he was talking about ethics. Ethically to have


Reid: Oh! Oh, to practice communication


Cathy: Yeah


Reid: and transparency in that concept. Okay I get it. Sorry. Sorry.


Cathy: I….I had a logical thinking maybe to communicate it well so and realize that you know there’s going to be women that are really freaked out by someone who’s a bi…..bisexual and there’s going to be some women that are going to like “yeah. That’s great.”


Reid: And…..and they’re going to be you know like there’ll be gay men who are turned off that you sleep with women like it…..you’re going to get it from all sides. What you’re looking for are people who get you or who are willing to try like I…..I’ve never dated a bisexual man. Do you kiss differently? Let’s see like good luck. May this advice serve you well. Leave comments. Hit subscribe. Share this with a friend. I….anything else?


Cathy: No. I hope this helps. Yeah, let us know if you have further questions. We…we do want to help and congratulations on exploring this. A lot of people are too afraid to ever step outside the….the bounds of what they thought they were and discovering new aspects of yourself is a beautiful thing.


Reid: Go find your species.


Cathy: Yeah.


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