I Have An Idea! Initiating Intimacy

by Reid on May 1, 2015

Older Family Relaxing At Outdoor Summer EventWant to Initiate a 3-some? Break the ice?

Join Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ideas and suggestions.

Cathy: So we’re back. Reid is going to explain, “I have an idea.”

Reid: We’re back from what? What if this is this person’s first video they’re ever watching? They don’t really know where we were.

Cathy: That’s true.

Reid: You should probably tell them.

Cathy: We were just discussing …

Reid: Who are you?

Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com. We apologize if this is your first video. If this is not your first video, then you’re used to this, so we’re going to continue.

Cathy: We were just talking about initiating threesomes, and knowing who to approach. Reid actually teaches a class on this that’s very well-received. In it, he shares, “I have an idea.” Now, he will share about that.

Reid: First off, you can go to my website, ReidAboutSex.com. Click on store, there’s a whole little thing you can download. Manual, audio, about just initiating successful threesomes. Go do that if you’re really interested. The biggest piece is how do you break the ice. It’s called embracing the awkward, which also runs into the I have an idea. When you are feeling awkward, like, let’s say that I want to ask you if you are into threesomes, and I’d like to invite you to a threesome. What I need to do is understand. Okay, so I’m feeling awkward. That’s where most of us shuts down.

Cathy: It gets really quiet.

Reid: Yeah, and then we get into seventh grade hell, and then no one speaks up. What I need to do is take a breath, say to myself, “The awkward is upon us.” I need to acknowledge what’s going on for me to get in my body and be present. Then, what I say to the other person is, “I have an idea.”

Cathy: They say, “What is it?”

Reid: Because they’re awkward, they’re like, “What’s your idea?”

Cathy: Yeah, thank God someone’s speaking!

Reid: Oh my goodness! Tell me everything!

What you do is you say, “I am interested in inviting you to a threesome. Is that something you would be interested in, or should I buzz off now?”

Cathy: If they say yes …

Reid: Then you say, “Awesome. I’m glad you’re interested.” In this situation, I’d be like, “Do you have a friend you can invite?”

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: Because we’re only two.

Basically, you’re using the I have an idea formula as a way of breaking the ice and getting the ball rolling. Go watch the first video that we talked about, where we talked about context. If you’re checking out at the supermarket and you’re like, “I have an idea,” and they’re like, “Okay, what?”

Cathy: Sexual harassment suit.

Reid: Yeah, “I would like to invite you to a threesome.” There’s no context. If you’re at a sex positive conference or workshop about sexuality or something like that, then there is more context.

Cathy: I also love, the I have an idea, you can use it on your class. Whether you’re looking for a threesome, or you’re just out for some one on one or whatever, I love that you say, “I have an idea,” and then suggest something that you would like to do. Whenever I’ve been out with someone, and I kind of want- my old inclination is to ask for something I felt there would be a yes to. If they’re a yes to it, it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do, which didn’t work really well for me. I really love your idea of suggesting something. It could be just, “Let’s snuggle and stroke each other’s hair for a while,” or “Let’s kiss for a little while.” Just if you suggest something you like, then if they say yes, you’re sure to be doing something you enjoy.

Reid: That’s a really quick thing. There’s more on it on my website store, or come to a workshop. One of my negotiating successful threesome workshops. We hope this information is useful for you. Go have lots of ideas. Invite other people that have ideas with you, and good luck. Leave your comments below.

Cathy: Thanks, everyone.

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