How to Create Retreats For Women Without Dramatic Attachment?

by Reid on May 15, 2021

How to Create Retreats For Women Without Dramatic Attachment?

Cathy: We had someone write in saying, “I’d like your advice in creating private one-on-one or group retreats for women where we can really wake them up to bliss and pleasure and inspire them to get them to leave all their shit behind and I want to do it without the crazy drama attachment and baggage that I used to leave my exes with. I want to do it consciously so that we have both have positive wonderful experiences we won’t regret. What do I do?”

Reid: This looks like a job for sex geek design studio!

Cathy: Yes, it does actually.

Reid: Yes. This is Cathy Vartuli from

Cathy: And I am here with Reid Mihalko from and

Reid: Hi Cathy.

Cathy: Sex geek summer camp

Reid: I am the creator of

Cathy: And

Reid: and sex geek design studio and a bunch of other things with sex geek in them. So…

Cathy: Yeah. So, if you want to create something for people I think part of it is having really clear boundaries and expectations ahead of time and letting people because some people are just aren’t ready for that level of intimacy without getting attached.

Reid: Yeah. Yeah, I mean this is a this is a design question it’s also a facilitation question because you can design a really great workshop experience. Be really thoughtful and about trying to figure out like what are the constraints, what are the constraints for the people that are showing up like who’s a good fit for this workshop and then by figuring out who’s a good fit and what the constraints are and then your intentions it starts to reveal itself around “oh my goodness like so this is what the workshop needs to kind of it needs to be something like this and you know here are the things to watch out for” and then that’s knowing all of those things starts to help you figure out like what the promotional copy is because the invitation then becomes your way of educating people to figure out if this retreat is for them or not and when you can get the when you can design things thoughtfully and promote things thoughtfully so that the right kinds of people are coming to your event who are in the right place in their journey and that you also designed an event that works really well for you then things go more smoothly but when there’s an upset or drama is that the drama that’s coming from people working through their shit or because this was poorly designed and executed?

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: That’s you know leaving the drama behind for me as a… a design nerd I’m like well what kind of drama are we talking about? Like is it the drama of people having an emotional release or are you just a crappy facilitator and the bus has gone off the road and is now in the gully and speeding across a field and that’s why it’s so bumpy.

Cathy: I think I mean just if they’re doing….who’s talking about or they are talking about someone in one events too like your slut protocols what is the link again?

Reid: It’s

Cathy: Protocols that might be good to weave into that like ways to prevent deep attachment from happening. You don’t want to spend the night together, you don’t want it like there’s things you can do to keep help keep an emotional distance while still going deep with people.

Reid: Yeah, like go….going deep with people and….and this is one of the situations where power dynamics are actually quite useful in that you are the teacher and if they’re becoming attached to the teacher you can point to that like we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend like what are you attached to? They might be attached to the fact that you’re the only one who can get them through the dark night of the soul but you have to tell them that’s not true because if you’re telling them that that’s true now you’re reinforcing this guru model that’s bullshit like that’s not healthy. “I’m the only one who can set you free” is not healthy and you need to go get some therapy if you’re that kind of person and I obviously have opinions and feelings about this because you want to be teaching people how to fish not giving them the fish and telling them that “I’m the only one you get the fish from” and that’s just sloppy and that’s and that disempowers people. It leaves them dependent on you and you have some shadow work to do on that.

Cathy: Yeah and then just I mean having clear understanding with someone having it really like if you decide you want to go forward having the having I love the Safer Sex Elevator Speech to kind of everyone feel safe there safer there and having agreements okay this is what we this is what was explicitly is on the table these are the things that are not making it define

Reid: I feel like I’m not understanding the question they carry and then because you’re saying all these things I’m like I didn’t pick that up from where you shared.

Cathy: So I think crazy drama attachments and baggage that

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