Want to Initiate Intimacy? Break the ice?
Join Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ideas and suggestions.
Cathy: We had someone ask us- you’re such a goof-ball. We had someone ask us, “Who do I or who to approach for a threesome and how to talk to them about it?” I know someone who runs a class on that. I thought we’d ask you.
Reid: Yeah, just approach me. Next question.
Cathy: How do you identify people that might be good for a threesome, and how do you invite them to play with you?
Reid: I don’t know …
Cathy: Wearing this shirt is a great way to flag that you are sex positive.
Reid: But that doesn’t mean you’re into threesomes. Well, the only real way to know, because we have done lots of studies. There’s no particular way that threesome people dress. However, if we stumble upon three people having sex together, they might be people that you could approach for a threesome. That we do know. Statistically speaking, that’s probably a pretty good bet. However, the only sure way to know is to ask.
I’m a big proponent on using direct communication. You just have to create the right context and setting so that you’re not the creepy person at the check-out line.
Cathy: Would you explain how to set the context and setting.
Reid: Yeah. Your best bet is to hang out at events that are sex positive, where people are discussing and brain geeking out, having brain sex about alternative sexuality. You guys have shared context. Maybe it’s a sex positive conference, like the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance Conference, or CatalystCon, or Playground, which happens in Toronto. Maybe you’re at some sort of sex positive summer camp, like Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, or FetFest. Maybe you’re on a website that’s a sex positive website like Fetlife.
Cathy: OKCupid’s pretty …
Reid: OKCupid is pretty. You’re like, “Hey. I like threesomes. Only reply to me if you really like threesomes, too.” The person not to approach is the person who looks drunk enough at the end of the bar that they might be into a threesome. That is not your best bet.
Cathy: Talking to people, just for me, I would never just go up to someone and say, “Hey. Would you like a threesome?”
Reid: Why not? I do it all the time.
Cathy: I know, yes.
Reid: It works, for the most part.
Cathy: For those shy people like me, which I am getting much better at articulating what I would like to have happen. I tend to talk about sex positive things with them, and see how they respond first.
Reid: Okay, that’s fine.
Cathy: Kind of sound it out first.
Reid: Yeah, sound it out. Now you develop relatedness and context, stuff we’ve already talk about. Also, you’re like, “Hey. I’m really interested in threesomes. Are you interested in threesomes? I’m not asking you about having a threesome with me. We can get to that, but what do you think?”
Cathy: Yeah. In your class, you talk about, “I have an idea.” Could you share that?
Reid: No, not at all. They have to show for another video for that.
Cathy: Okay. Stay tuned, we’ll be right back.
Reid: Bye! Comments, below!
Cathy: Yes.