Does your family need a “Holiday Safeword”?

by Reid on December 24, 2014

Do you and your family need a Holiday Safeword? Do you know what your “Chill Down Styles” are?

As my holiday gift to you, here are some fun tips that might just help you get through the “holidaze” of friends and family with more grace and ease…

First, I want to invite you, if you haven’t already – Register for The Question (a free webinar designed to give yourself clarity and insight in YOUR LIFE so you can blast off in 2015!)

This call was SO much fun! And the replay is a great way for you to tune in to what’s really important to you for the next year.

Thank you and Cathy sooooo much you for a killer call!!! Addressed EXACTLY what I was most struggling with: macro versus micro, baby steps vs. life trajectory. Pleasantly surprised to realize I have a surplus of resources and needs-providing loved ones, folks who have my back, but who’ll also hold me to my 90-day totally-achievable deadlines. And realized “shit, I know exactly what I want, and I’m already doing it,” it’s just a matter of seeing that and breaking things down into “ok, I am actually on track, I’m just prioritizing what I need to prioritize right now to maximize the range of options and skill-sets I’ll have available to me to realize my mega-project goals down the line.” As usual, post-Reid-event, feeling 10+ times better than two hours ago going into the call. Rocks to be on the receiving end of live-streaming genius at work 🙂 ~Casey 

As several people said on the call… This is doable! One person shared “This the first time I’ve ever seen a clear path forward to creating what I really want!”

I want YOU to have that kind of focus and purpose for the new year, whatever it is you want to create!

Okay… On To Chill Down Styles.

Last year at this time I talked about Cool Down Styles where I shared how different people cool down from a fight:

Everyone has a “Cool Down Style,” or several. With whatever holiday you celebrate, however you ring in 2015, and all the pressures and people (not to mention the fruitcake!)… It can be useful to not only know your Cool Down Style… But your Chill Down Style.

What I mean here is it can be really useful to take time to preemptively chill out BEFORE things escalate to fights, or you hit the egg nog and can’t resist telling Uncle Bart what you really think of his latest Facebook rant. And no matter how much you adore Great Aunt Hazel and Uncle Charlie, even too much of a good thing can be overwhelming at times.

So I encourage you to figure out how you want to take a break and take care of yourself, and implement some of them well before good intentions go flying out the window! Let’s call it our “holiday insurance,” shall we?

First, think about what helps you recharge? Are you someone who needs some alone time? Or do you love having someone to vent to for a few minutes (“Can you believe she asked me THAT?!)? Does it help you to go outside for fresh air and whatever sunshine you can find at the end of December, or would you prefer to hide in a room (any room) by yourself? Do you want to meditate or go for a run?

Actually creating a list of things you know would recharge you and let you re-enter the “ring” with new humor and energy can remind you to take care of yourself.

What’s your Holiday Safeword?

Safewords are a sex geeky concept from the BDSM/kink community. Generally speaking, they are code words or phrases that you use to slow down or halt an activity or “scene.”

If your holidays are anything like mine when I was growing up… It would have been awesome if I could have “safeworded” out of family gatherings. And, perhaps, you actually can! Here’s how…

Start with a Shared Intention. Sometimes finding shared intentions for the holidays can get everyone on the same page. “Connecting and creating fond memories while we’re together,” is hard for even the Grinch’iest of family to argue with, right? Train everyone to use a “Safeword” if any of them need to hit the eject button and leave the room or house for a reset or to cool down. Normalizing the idea that we’ll all have a better time and fulfill on the family’s “holiday intention” if we take care of our alone-time needs, and establishing that it’s healthy to excuse yourself from the reunion to “walk off that Christmas goose and get some fresh air”… Instituting these kinds of “permissions” can help everyone have a better time!

If some of your family aren’t buying the idea of intentions and safewords, then start enlisting your “saner” relatives who are onboard. There is strength in numbers! If your sister needs quiet time, and that’s a good fit for you, too… Have her drop the Safeword to you so you two can declare you’re going to get some quality sister time by taking a nice long drive (and then go vent or be quiet together). Get the picture?

Target Pre-emptive, Focused Time. Realize that different families have different ways of connecting, and that taking some alone time for yourself can literally feel like “taking” from some of your family members, especially the ones who don’t see you often. To them, you’re actually stealing opportunities to make memories. My tip, if you know who those relatives are (and you like ’em): Schedule some focused one-on-one time with them early-on in your holiday plans. There’s a good chance that Quality Time is their #1 Love Language for feeling loved, and 15-30mins of your focus early on can all of a sudden have them turning into your personal “Give you alone time” champion. Your milage may vary. 🙂

Have a Fall Back Scheme. In an emergency, when you need alone time, do what a friend of a friend did: Create a contest that the looser has to do all the dishes, then make sure that YOU “lose the bet.” She lost the bet with her sister and had to do the dishes by herself… All alone… In a quiet kitchen… With all the left overs. The dishes, and her peace of mind, were never so squeaky clean.

So, as you plan your Fail Safes, think of some ways you can chill down and recharge a bit before and during the “fray” called Family Time. Intersperse a few of these strategies through out your day, and if you can, plan to give yourself a favorite treat when you get home– Whether it’s a massage, a long bubble bath, a good venting session (I can’t believe she said that AGAIN!), a hot love making session, or a ritual dance of joy that your relatives live so far away (or so close you can see them often).

Self-care during the holidays can be challenging, but even a few small “breaks” to Chill Down and the option to Safeword-Out can make the difference between a day to endure and time to enjoy.

I hope your holidays are full of love and deep satisfaction. Thank YOU for believing in my work and calling. I can’t wait to kick-off 2015 with you!

Lots of love, appreciation, and just a sprinkle of silliness…


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