What’s The Difference Between Objectification And Preferences In Sex?

by Reid on September 14, 2019

What’s The Difference Between Objectification And Preferences In Sex?


Cathy: What’s the difference between objectification and preferences when you’re sleeping with someone of a particular type? Someone bigger, of color or tall, short, older, younger or whatever it is.

I am here with Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/

Reid: And I am here with Cathy Vartuli last time I checked of http://theintimacydojo.com/

Cathy: Are you sure?

Reid: I don’t know. Are you Cathy or are you an impostor?

Cathy: I…I can’t tell you.

Reid: Sit down but after you hit subscribe. Alright go.

Cathy: So we were just doing another video. Someone asked about finding a larger size, a full-size made to play with um and we were talking about how…we were sharing about it can feel not good to some people or really good to some people to be objectified for a certain feature and I’ve had people come up to me like “Oh you’re…you’re a big person, you’re like I want to fuck you or I want to like…like you…” they were very

Reid: Get up all in your stuff

Cathy: Yeah and that I was like

Reid: ‘coz of this thing that you have

Cathy: “We haven’t even said hello.”

Reid: I like beards oh

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: and get up all on your beard.

Cathy: And it’s not my preference to be objectified like I did not find it a turn-on, I felt it very I felt very like “No, go away” and some people love being objectified but we wanted to discuss….look at the beard, the beard

Reid: Oh, yes more

Cathy: [Laughing]

Reid: but that is a thing like some people are like “No please like stare at my boobs.”

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: And other people are like “My eyes are up here.”

Cathy: I have a couple friends who one…one who I can think of in particular who wears a little hypnotic rings around her like and she’s very well-endowed and I….I had to say “Can I objectify you because my eyes are going there.” And she’s like “Yes please.”

Reid: She was just bating you.

Cathy: Yeah, she was but I was like

Reid: hypnotics

Cathy: I was like I understand why some guys have trouble like I can’t that look and she was she’s like “Yes please” and I’m like “Oh, okay thank you.” But I think it’s important to discuss that we were allowed to have preferences

Reid: Well a good a good friend of mine will actually go up to people and be like in appropriate situations this is not necessarily at the grocery store, right? But at a sex Ed conference or a play party

Cathy: PTA meeting

Reid: Not at PTA but at a…at an orgy would be like “May I objectify you? Like would you would you…are you into objectification and may I objectify you in these ways?” Like she’s very precise about how that she asks

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: permission and then can turn it on her off like

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: if somebody says no she was like “Thank you.” Like

Cathy: Yeah and that

Reid: she has facility around that.

Cathy: Yeah, now I would feel comfortable. I like the one time I can think of this I was at Bawdy Storytelling and I wasn’t telling that and I was just hanging out and this

Reid: https://bawdystorytelling.com/

Cathy: Great place to go. But this gentleman came a younger gentleman came up to me he’s like “Oh my god, you have amazing curves” and I’m like “Thank you” and he’s like your skin is great you should

Reid: Bless you

Cathy: Hidden sneeze. This is just me now…he’s like “You should like show off your skin more” and he was going into like detail like I should wear low-cut dresses and he’s like “I want to buy you chocolate cake and feed you” and I was like

Reid: Wow

Cathy: I was like “Eww” like not consensual at all and he kept going and I was like “Thanks though”

Reid: Okay, so here’s the question

Cathy: Go

Reid: How could they have…have said the…said the same content differently and did it occurred to you not as gross?

Cathy: I think if they had said something like I mean even if they said “I really enjoyed bigger women” you know “I love your curves, can I get to know you?” Like I, for me, there was no

Reid: There’s no relatedness, there’s no

Cathy: There was no relatedness but also when I said no I’m not interested it…he kept describing how I like he kept going pat like I’m like “No, that’s not my thing”

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: “I don’t enjoy that.”

Reid: And how…this is I’m just curious now like let’s find out together shall we? How could he have revealed the cake thing which again like if you’re a nerd about kink and fetishes like there’s a whole world

Cathy: I didn’t know. I went home and looked it up

Reid: Okay

Cathy: There’s something called feeding where someone will feed a larger person and they try to keep them fat and

Reid: How come there’s no…is there one for feeding skinny people? I’m sorry if that was insensitive but like I just never thought of it. I’m like

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: What’s that one?

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: Right? But that’s kind of I think that’s like now I’m going to make a joke but that’s kind of like a mom thing it was like

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: you know

Cathy: Well there’s people do [Inaudible 00:04:27]

Reid: you look skinny

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: come, I’ll feed you

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: but alright, so

Cathy: Anyway that’s not my fetish it was not

Reid: Okay

Cathy: anything that I was interested in

Reid: so that…so that is that

Cathy: like I appreciate my curves but I’m not trying to get someone to try to make me or help me be bigger or

Reid: Is there a way that they could reveal that though that quickly and had it land on you as respectful?

Cathy: I don’t think because there was no relatedness. I didn’t have any like I didn’t even know who this person was, I didn’t have any sense they knew who I was

Reid: Sure

Cathy: That I think that would be hard but I…I don’t have a problem with people like if you just said “Hey, I really appreciate your curves. Are you interested in feeding or if you heard of feeding or anything like that?” Like I would’ve been okay with that question but the fact that he started like person…

Reid: Describing in detail

Cathy: he was personalizing that for me without my permission

Reid: Sure. Which again like and you can confirm this or…or, not from accurate, they were starting to get turned on

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: without you’re consenting to them being like there’s a “Hey, there’s this thing I’m excited about” and then it’s like “Hey there’s this

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: thing I’m excited about” like

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: those are two very different energies

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: And the second one needs to be prefaced with “Hey, there’s this thing I get really excited about and so I mean you know and I will get like pervy excited.”

Cathy: Yeah, if you’re okay with that.

Reid: If you’re okay with it

Cathy: Yeah

Reid: but I can control it.

Cathy: Right, yeah it’s like I’m…I’m….Pirates are not my thing but if I was into Pirates I was like “Hey, are you into Pirates?”

Reid: We talk about Pirates a lot here

Cathy: ‘coz it’s great and

Reid: What’s up for that? Pirates are safe.

Cathy: Yeah so like

Reid: I mean actually like [Inaudible 00:06:05] pirates

Cathy: Yeah so if I had a thing for like blond pirates and I’m like “Hey are you into Pirates?”

Reid: With beards

Cathy: With beards like I could ask that being kind of curious but not like “Hey, I’m going to dress like without asking hey can…I’m going to dress you up.”

Reid: “Hey, do you like eye patches?”

Cathy: I can just see him in one of those white shirts

Reid: I have a parrot at home and you can see it right here.

Cathy: It’s a little creepy when you’re describing the person

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: to them without their agreement.

Reid: Got it

Cathy: It can be a real turn-on if they’re a yes.

Reid: Sure. Okay, what do you think? There’s lots of deep stuff we just covered in that.

Cathy: Yeah so

Reid: Anything else you want to add on?

Cathy: I just want to wrap up with an objective in case you didn’t watch the other video. Objectification to me is when you identify some attribute about someone and you decide you’re turned on by them without any connection to who they are as a person. Preferences I like that general trait, I might be looking for and but I also want to know who’s inside, you’re a human being to me not just a curvy person.

Reid: Got it, yeah and I’m feeling worried about the making that comments about feeding skinny people. How about we just is there kink or fetish where people just feed people who are hungry? How about that?

Cathy: I think it’s called a restaurant. We’d love to know if there is actually words

Reid: Yeah

Cathy: for this, please let us know.

Reid: And let me know if I screwed up in this video, just let me know like you can share it in a comment or email me. I’m not all in my head about this.

Cathy: Oh

Reid: I don’t know why just damn.

Cathy: Okay, I didn’t bring anything up for me but we’d love to hear.

Reid: Okay, cool. Thanks, everyone.

Cathy: Bye.

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