The Ethical Slut 2nd Edition (Pt 4): An Interview with Dossie Easton

by Reid on February 7, 2018

The Ethical Slut 2nd Edition (Pt 4): An Interview with Dossie Easton

 

 

 

 

 

The Ethical Slut in it’s 2nd edition! Join world renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com as he sits down for an intimate chat with the legendary Dossie Easton, therapist and co-author of the book that, 11-years after its debut, plus two years of updating and additional writing, is getting its well deserved 2nd edition (resulting in 25% MORE Slut!). Paying homage to The Actors Studio, Reid will do his James Lipton-est to get Dossie to reveal the herstory that led up to writing The Ethical Slut, how things have changed in the last 11-years since Sluts publication, the State of the Union of Ethical Sluttery, and all the juicy tid-bits that didnt make it into the final manuscript of this long awaited second edition. To view the full, 90-minute interview, complete with Audience Q&A, go to www.ReidAboutSex.com COMING SOON!

 

Reid: I’m curious about what did you guys have to make up language for in the 1st edition that now if you have changed terms, the terms are changing because people are creating language that’s actually starting to work for people’s scenarios?

Dossie: At that time, polyamory was not an umbrella word that covered all different possible slut lifestyles. People will still argue with you. The people who liked to pitch you all things will tell you that polyamory is this, usually group marriages some sort. Non-monogamy is that, open relationship is something else and they have all rules which I don’t even know. I am supposed to be the expert but I don’t like pitching holes. The title is something that came to me when we were writing and people said what you guys are writing now and “Ha, we’re writing now The Ethical Slut” and all of our friends knew what that meant, they immediately got it. It became a working title for the book, the first edition. When we got it finished, we sort of thought we’re going to find it a proper, you know, Polyamory in the New Millennium, something like that. Ethical Slut was just so right. It was just the right thing to come a book and so it has kept its title through, the 2nd edition has a different sub title. Language is just really, really hard even in writing a sub title I wanted to say A Practical Guide to Sustainable Polyamories, plural okay? [inaudible 00:01:48] if you Google polyamories plural you don’t get the whole feel of polyamory.

Reid: What do you get?

Dossie: Nothing. Because I’m the only person who pluralize it.

Reid: But you have the top ranking. But nobody would be searching for that.

Here’s a good question: What got left out in the 2nd edition? What did you guys… Did you guys feel that you have to cut stuff out? Was there anything that didn’t make the edit for the publisher?

Dossie: We struggled with a whole bunch of stuff, with the conclusion which I think he [inaudible 00:02:30] condense now. We knew it had to be short but we wrote miles and miles about dualism and pluralism as I mentioned before. We looked at philosophy books and [inaudible 00:02:39] online, we got fabulous quotes and decided that it was really too abstract for the book that it got left behind. I think that what did wind up there was a few paragraphs that just say it very succinctly more in imagery and metaphor than in philosophical terms.

Reid: Not that you needed a reason for a 2nd edition but what was it that made it, were you guys thinking when the 9th year came up or 10th year came it was time or were people clamoring for it?

Dossie: It’s conventional in publishing when you have written a book to keep selling, that you do a new version every 10 years. That’s why there is Polyamory: The New Love without Limits that is supposed to change the title. That’s why there’s a different sub title. It’s supposed to be larger, it’s supposed to have a certain percentage of new material. There are actually rules for doing 2nd editions.

The reason you do them, if you have a successful book, is basically to keep it in print and to get it in the front list again and go out and go to all the talk shows and basically do a new thing. I thought that’s what we were doing when we started until I realized how much there was I want to say. I wanted to say that I have learned since and because of writing the 1st edition that it enlarged my point of views so enormously especially the parts that kind of my territory which are the stuff about jealousy, communication and conflicts and making agreements and all these stuffs, you would expect a therapist to more write about.

So, it turned into, when we did it, coz we were supposed to, it got delayed coz people kept saying they were interested in publishing it and checking it out, and then when we finally had a solid deal with the publisher, we had written bits in pieces and we went back and put them all into a book.

Reid: I jokingly referred to a friend the other day, you as a GILF, like a grandma I would like to fuck. But what’s interesting is this idea, I read the book when I was in college. I’ve given my copy of the book to friends who is 17, 19 and so I know that there’s so much younger audience that’s getting their hands on the book. I’m interested in… there’s 2 questions: One, now that you’re older and we are such a youth-oriented culture, has being slutty change for you and how it has changed? Did you and Janet feel the need to like go hang out with the young ends and see if being slutty is changed for them and did any of that make into the book or did influence the book?

Dossie: First of all, we actually, I, not Janet, me, usually every time we write a book I go interview and talk a few people who, that’s why there are some quotes from other people in the book, who are someone outside our experience. At this point, it’s pretty easy close to home because I am 65 years old which makes me older than just about anybody on the scene but my partner is 26 which gives me some good association with the younger generation so I have a lot of information going through like the whole deal. I’m thinking, this is interesting slut truth, right? I have a fabulous partner, she’s 26 and she wants to have a baby. Probably not for about 3 years so at 3 years when I decide and I thought about that “What am I going to do with a partner having a baby at 65, 68, right”? And then I was like, it finally came to me that I couldn’t think a better way to spend my old age with a house full of children in it. You know, both can be a grandmother and mother to this child and why not? As far as being 65 as concern, I’m terribly proud of it. My slut lifestyle is, if anything better and more abundant than it ever has been, I’m having a wonderful time. For heaven’s sakes, if you have some idea in your mind that when you get passed some major and you should give it up, just forget it. Because you can go on having a fun, fun time until you can’t, you know, like wiggle your hips anymore. You don’t have to stand up and even sit up. You know, it’s good.

Reid: Have you spoken or hang out with Betty Dodson?

Dossie: Betty Dodson is one of the few people that is older than me.

Reid: Does anybody know who Betty is? Just for our listening audience and people who might be listening to the recording.

Dossie: My earliest slut practices were in, Betty Dodson used to have a commune here in San Francisco up on Caster 19 Street and that was the first place I went to informed play parties. They had taken out…

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