Finding it hard to sleep after a great encounter? What can you do?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: So what do you do…
Reid: Tada!! Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com
Cathy: Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com
Reid: Never spin around. That’s an intro.
Cathy: Would you like to spin back right now?
Reid: No, I’ll do it at the end. What are we talking about?
Cathy: Someone wrote in and said, “What do you do if you’re unable to sleep after a sexual or encounter or date with someone who has sexual potentially?” They all webbed up and then having trouble sleeping and they want to know was it hormones. What’s going on and what can they do?
Reid: Because they are excited?
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: I mean, I would say masturbate but that’s me. I’m a seek geek.
Cathy: I think first realizing that that’s really normal on a lot of people feel that way. I barely can’t sleep the first night I spent a night with someone.
Reid: Oh they actually slept with them?
Cathy: Yeah
Reid: Oh my God, yeah! I mean, you’re high on endorphins and hopefully had good sex and enjoyed this person.
Cathy: You’re not laying there and go…
Reid: You’re excited. Enjoy the excitement. I’m not going to take back my masturbation advice but the idea that enjoy your body, enjoy the feeling, be with yourself. If you need to get sleep because you have a work the next day or something like that, take a hot shower…
Cathy: Or go home.
Reid: Or go home. Oh well that’s a whole other thing if you’re actually lying in bed next to somebody you had just sex with. I didn’t really understand the question. Yeah you’re just lying there and be like, “This is awesome.” And then like you feel their skin against yours and you’re like “Oooooh”
Cathy: Kind of turn that all over again.
Reid: Yeah
Cathy: It’s fun and it’s like if you have a big meeting the next day you’re like, “I must sleep.” I have actually told someone that this was amazing and I really need to go home and get some sleep. There’s nothing wrong with that. Realize that it’s normal like hormone oxytocin.
Reid: Yeah it’s okay. If you had sex with somebody and you’re lying next to them and you’re not feeling that kind of excited, it’s not the end of the world either, right? These things, they depend on a lot of other variables but enjoy the excitement that you have when you have it and if you need to get to sleep, I think it’s fine if you need to excuse yourself and go back to your own place…
Cathy: Or the couch
Reid: Or the couch. It’s also okay to tell the other person because again you should be an adult thing be like, “Hey listen, I’m really empt up, I have an early day tomorrow. That was really good sex. Would you mind sleeping on the couch so I can calm down and actually be functional…”
Cathy: If feet should help, probably you shouldn’t kick them…
Reid: Oh yeah, don’t kick them out on your own bed. But like, “Would you mind doing this? Would you mind going back home? I’m not going to be able to sleep lying next to you and sleep is needed.”
Cathy: Yeah. We hope this helps. Realize a lot of people go through this and it’s an abandon issue but…
Reid: It’s a good thing and I’m just going to say cautionary tale. For those of you who are enjoying this kind of having sex with somebody, but you don’t want to be falling in love with them, I’m just going to say sleepovers are tricky because they can help set you up or set the other person up and trigger your imprinting mechanism so that you wake up next to the person
Cathy: Oh dreaming…
Reid: And they’re like watching their chest rise and fall and you’re like, “You’re dreaming”
And there’s nothing wrong with falling in love but understand it that lot of people when they start imprinting they’re just completely stoned on love hormones. And you end up… we’ve all had the friend that met somebody had that great weekend of sex and then they rent the U-Haul and moved in with the person and they were horrible fit.
If you that person, go to ReidAboutSex.com/casualsex and that will bring you a link where you can sign up to download a worksheet, a checklist on how not to fall in love in a way that has some savvy. Again, I love falling in love. I just know that I’m completely drunken stoned on love when I do it. So again, I love sleepovers, I love not being able to fall asleep because I’m so excited but understand that sleepovers can be a little bit tricky. That’s all. Enjoy.
Cathy: Leave comments below.
Reid: Bye!