How do you do cunnilingus well?
With Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and SexGeekSummerCamp.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: Cunnilingus tips?
Cathy: Yes.
Reid: All right.
Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: Reid travels all around the country teaching a workshop at sex-toy stores and colleges on how to be a better lover.
Reid: I teach all kinds of things like that. One of my workshops is my Blow Job Grad School and then there’s Cunnilingus Grad School.
Cathy: One of my goals working with Reid is I want it to be accessible to people that may not be in a city where you’re teaching or might be working or can’t necessarily get out for that. I love his information. I think it’s amazing.
Reid: We’re going to throw some tips.
Cathy: What are your three top tips for giving good cunnilingus?
Reid: For giving good cunnilingus. Going down on vulvas and vaginas. First tip is really kind of an uber tip which is slow down because the biggest mistake people are making is they’re going too hard, too fast, and too soon. People go right for the clit. They’re going like, “Ah!” They’re just like tackling it.
Cathy: It’s really not their fault. If you watch porn, that’s what people do.
Reid: Sure. While porn is awesome and I have a lot of friends that are adult performers, porn is an entertainment medium, for the most part.
Cathy: They want to capture what they can see in film versus what people are feeling inside.
Reid: Versus an actual educational medium. Basically trying to learn how to be a better lover from watching mainstream porn is like trying to learn how to be a better driver from watching The Fast and the Furious.
Cathy: Where you go off seven-story parking garages.
Reid: We know we’re not supposed to be picking up driving cues from The Fast the Furious, but we’re not taught that we’re not supposed to be picking up driving cues from porn. What happens is a lot of people go too hard, too soon, and they go too fast when they’re playing with vulvas and vaginas. That big tip of just slow everything down, go softer, take more time, explore, that alone will change your cunnilingus technique tremendously because what it gives the vulva owner is time to get in their body and for everything to come online.
Cathy: It does take longer for the vulva owner.
Reid: For the most part. This is why if you don’t like spending a lot of time with foreplay down on the vulva, maybe you should just reconsider having sex at all. Then spend more time giving your partner a massage or making out for twenty minutes. Give them time to get their body online and then, if you really want bonus points, spend more time eating them out and going slow and building everything up.
Which leads to my second tip, which is using pressure and your body weight and giving people a chance as their body comes online, to kind of push and pull and tug, because … this has always been the case, but it’s more popular now because it gets talked about more.
For my Doctor Who fans, the vulva is like a TARDIS. It’s bigger on the inside. The clit is the tip of the iceberg of erectile tissue that is going on underneath. As you give people more time and you go slower, you’re not tackling the clit, and overstimulating it-
Cathy: Or just focusing there or going in.
Reid: Let the body come online and all that erectile tissue starts to become engorged. The feel-good nerves start to feel more. The person then gets in their body. You’ll feel them kind of like wiggling in the good way, not wiggling away, but that hump and that grind, even if you’re just making out.
The reason we hump and we grind is because all that feel-good erectile tissue on the inside is attached to or coming through all these pelvic floor muscles. There’s sheets of muscles and then there’s ligaments and tendons, so when we start to become aroused and we squirm, we’re tugging and rubbing up against all that stuff from the inside so it feels better.
When you go too hard, too soon, too fast, none of that stuff’s online and for most people it feels like over-stimulation. Then if you add that most people don’t know how to speak up in bed, then you’re ending up eating somebody out who’s just tolerating it and they’re not telling you and that doesn’t leave them thinking that you’re a rock star.
Going slower then giving them weight and pressure for them to push and hump against as you’re going down there gets them more in their body so that they can feel more pleasure. That would be my number two tip. A lot of people think there’s supposed to be like they’re not supposed to touch anything. If they’re lying down, lay your forearms on their thighs and all their pubic mound or on their belly or play with their boobs, if they have boobs, there’s all this stuff you can do to just get them in their body as you’re touching them and giving them weight to push against and hump against so that they can feel more pleasure.
Then, do you have a preference on third tip? This is where we can go in so many directions and why we teach a workshop and even the workshop is the tip of the iceberg because there is so much more to learn and to get into your body.
Cathy: I like the Vulcan hand sign.
Reid: Ah! The Vulcan hand sign. The inverted Vulcan. Another thing, and this is great for when you’re making out with somebody, because this combines the pressure, so basically for … live long and proper, my friends. Peace and long life. You’re going to do the inverted Vulcan.
Cathy: This is the clit.
Reid: The clit’s there.
Cathy: The opening’s here.
Reid: Okay. The vaginal opening’s there and you have the labia. Much like the clit, there’s all this other erectile tissue on the inside. I’m going to use my Vulcan hand sign to put my palm on the pubic mound, cover the clit, and then leave my fingers on the opening or on the sides of the opening where the labia are because there’s all this erectile tissue underneath and I’m going to kind of massage and hump and put gentle pressure on the pube mound so my partner can hump against it while I’m doing two really important things.
I’m not overstimulating the clit and I’m not going through the hole yet. Because of a lot of thinking that harder, faster, more is better, and picking up all this improper cues that we can get porn, what ends up happening is people go for the hole too soon before everything’s ready. The inverted Vulcan, live long, orgasm long, and prosper, my friends, and just kind of doing this wave motion and technique while you give people time to come online and you slow everything down. You’re off to a very good start to better cunnilingus.
Cathy: Yes. We hope this helped. If you are interested in Reid’s program, your-
Reid: Cunnilingus Grad School.
Cathy: Want to learn more, there’s a link down below and you can find out more there, because he does amazing work. I think all the people, your lovers, would be really delighted.