Wonder Woman, Hulk, Heimdall Threesome at Burning Man?! – Reid Mihalko at Bawdy Storytelling

by Reid on December 24, 2020

Wonder Woman, Hulk, Heimdall Threesome at Burning Man?! – Reid Mihalko at Bawdy StorytellingThe Bawdy Storytelling marquee logo and banner from the website

Reid shares a Burning Man 3-some experience, mixing metaphores (DC and Marvel), at http://www.Bawdy.com. Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

 

Dixie: When you think of sexual napalm, you may think of our next storyteller.

[Laughter]

Dixie: That was not a plant that just happened organically didn’t it? He has been called the golden retriever on espresso of sex education and I can tell you that my video guy will tell you it’s almost impossible to get him because he’s everywhere usually so get ready to perk up. He is one of the cofounders of cuddle party, his workshops have been taught in at least 50,000 times and he has traveled the country teaching people how to feel better about themselves and how to have great sex and how to get over….he’s  got a new sticker that says embrace the awkward. He is also somebody that just recently we’ve had meet here in the Bay Area for I don’t know ten years and he’s been performing at Bawdy being my pinch-hitter for like the last seven or eight and this is his first time since he moved to Portland last month that he travelled all this way….no, he came back from Portland. Shut…shut up. It’s fine.

[Laughter]

Dixie: So he promises we’ll still get to have him here at Bawdy storytelling all the time and he traveled to  come tell you a story from his extraordinary life and that means make a fuck ton of noise for Reid Mihalko.

[Applause]

Reid: I have to admit two things to start the story: one, I’m about to do the unforgivable, I’m about to mix Marvel and the DC universe. Trust me on this one; now the next thing is for those of you who know me, you’ve probably told a friend of yours, “Reid is really bad with names.” Okay Reid is bad with what?

Audiences: Names

Reid: So, as somebody who’s bad with names, in Thor…the guy who guards the rainbow bridge

Audiences: Heimdall

Reid: Hang on. What is it?

Audiences: Heimdall!

Reid: Handle?

Audience: Heimdall!

Reid: Hundull?

Audience: Heimdall!

Reid: Heimdall?

Audience: Heimdall

Reid: Heimdall. Yes, okay good, good! Thank you! I’m that bad with names. Already all of geek has now wiped me off their memory like they’re like “Reid Mihalko is dead to us.” Heimnal

Audience: Heimdall

Reid: Heimdall

Girl: Yes.

Reid: See? I already did it. And he’s gonna mix the Marvel and DC universe as “He’s dead to us.” But trust me. This past Burning Man was the 10th anniversary of Camp Beaverton for Wayward Girls – a queer women’s camp that I have the the weird history of having founded as the cisgendered white guy….that is a story for another Bawdy and at this camp, there was somebody camping there and it was the 10th anniversary so all the, all the original beavers came in and me as the honorary man beave which 10 years ago was totally cool but now things have progressed and people are like, “Can we not call the cisgender guy who founded us the honorary man beave?” And I’m like “Sure, that’s fine. Not a problem. I get it.” They’re like “Can…can you not camp with us?” I’m like “Totally cool not a problem.” The Beavers get what they want. The Beavers get what?

Audiences: What they want.

Reid: Yes. So there was somebody camping at Camp Beaverton who we shall call Wonder Woman. Who?

Audiences: Wonder Woman

Reid: It will become obvious in a moment and I was camping down the street at 8-bit bunny and hanging out and then William Winters sauntered by on the on the the the street and I was like “William Winters come have a drink with me.” He’s like “Yes, good sir. Good day sir. Good day sir. Yes, let’s raise a glass.” And William Winters has been here on on the stage many times and and as he’s coming in somebody else comes over and he’s like, “Excuse me, are you Reid Mihalko?” And William Winters was like “Hmppppp” And I’m like “Who are you?” And this person we shall call…

Audiences: Heimdall

Reid: No, that was Wonder Woman at Beaverton. This is Heimdall

Audiences: Heimdall

Reid: Heimdall, Heimdall. Okay good. We’re good, we’re good. Okay, so this is Heimdall the striking tall

Girl: Oh, shit.

Reid: Tall gentleman just just like with this faces, angelic face just this like just beautiful, dust covered and he’s like “I’m a, I’m a sex educator blogger on tumblr and you gave me some really great advice a few years ago. Can I have a drink with you guys?” I’m like “Yes, yes come, come have a drink with us.” And we kind of revel and we tell stories and at the end as he’s leaving he’s like, “I can’t believe that I get to tell people I met Reid Mihalko today.” Now, this is a man who tumblr’s a really pop…a really popular tumblr blog on threesomes but specifically black guy on black guy bisexual on a woman threesomes.

[Applause]

Reid: And as he goes, “I can’t believe I get to tell people I met Reid Mihalko today.” I look him straight in the eyes and I go “If you play your cards right, you get to tell people you’ve Facebooked Reid Mihalko today.”

[Applause]

Reid: He looks at me he goes, “Really?” And I’m like “Do you even know me?” And he’s like “Yes, yes, check, I’ll check that.” So he walks away into the desert and William was like “Well that was interesting.” Now everyone say goodbye to William because he leaves the story now. Bye William.

Audiences: Bye William.

Reid: So now, next morning Wonder Woman comes and finds me, she’s like “We need to go to the orgy dome” and I’m like “Yes, Wonder Woman let’s go to the orgy dome” and she’s like “Great! We got to go find this other person so we can have our threesome.” I’m like “Yes, Wonder Woman let’s go do that.” And we pedal, pedal, pedal, bicycle, bicycle, bicycle to this someplace really far away and she’s like “I’m gonna go find this person, another sex educator sex geek” you know like like Dr. Liz said you know “We tend to be in each other’s pants sometimes, it’s not a guarantee.” Don’t get into sex education just to try to get into everyone’s pants but it’s a good strategy.

[Laughing]

Reid: So then you know Wonder Woman comes back and she’s like so-and-so wasn’t…let’s call him Aquaman. Who’s that person?

Audiences: Aquaman!

Reid: For obvious reasons. Although no, Aquaman in the new DC movie looks pretty good, pretty hot, right? But let’s say it’s like the cartoon version of Aquaman and Aquaman was just not around. The Wonder Woman goes, “I found this other person. He says he knows you. He met you yesterday.” And I goes like “Heimdall?” She’s like “Yes.” And I’m like “Go, get him.”

So Wonder Woman runs away and then goes back she’s like “He’s coming” I’m like “Good move.” So now all three of us are pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, pedaling to the orgy dome pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, pedaling. It was fucking far away, this was like the part of like you know the Odyssey where they’re just like trials, this is the whole second act of just getting to the orgy dome, pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, like motherfucker pedaling, pedaling, pedaling but I see Wonder Woman’s ass like swikik, wikik, wikik, wikik and I’d looked over and there’s like wom, wom, Heimdall wom and I’m like pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, pedaling.

So we get there. And as we’re waiting in line to get in ‘coz you have to like get checked in and then kind of give you an orientation and the orgy dome you know we’ll get somebody up here to tell the you know the authentic history of the orgy dome it is what it sounds, it is a dome specifically set up for orgies, mats all over the place,  air conditioning which is a whole reason to go in the middle of the desert at Burning Man and sheets and safer sex supplies and we’re in the line waiting and so we’re all negotiating our safe for sex conversations as nerds we’re talking about the kind of threesome we’re gonna have and and Heimdall just hasn’t really hung out with sex geeks like us and he’s like “Wow!” Because by the time it took us to get to the front of the line, we negotiated the whole thing, all of it and he’s like “I’ve heard that there were people like you but I never thought it was true.” And Wonder Woman was like “Well, you just hanging out with the wrong fucking people dude because this is happening.”

We get in, there’s a beautiful orientation about consent and this and that and we roll in and now this is a fairly…not it’s not heteronormative but it’s kind….it’s more swinger than queer. Although it’s very queer friendly, who’s there was a lot of queer friendliness from the get-go but when we come in to the the the main room where all the action is happening there’s a mattress right here with a spotlight right on it and it’s right by the AC and we’re just like dibs, dibs right here and then everybody that we can see are you know like guys and girls kind of you know very swingery burning man fur and hats and feathers and stuff, right? And a lot of nudity and then we’re just like looking around and we’re like there’s some women kissing but there’s like no guys kissing. We kinda look at each other and we’re like “It’s kinda straight” and Wonder Woman goes “Not anymore!”

[Applause]

Reid: And I’m like “Let’s do this.” ‘Coz remember back up you know the other day it was like, “You could Facebook Reid Mihalko if you play your cards right.” Cards were playing they were played correctly, pants came off and it was like “Ahhhh” and I’m like “This is going to be really good.” ‘Coz you know like sometimes like you just like “Yes you, you” and I…I sleep with a lot of people it….ask, ask around but you know and I’m very friendly with trying to tell you when it comes down to it but it’s like it’s rare when I’m like biocock attached to you, come closer like it’s just that kind of like it’s a good day when that happens. You know when Allison, I knew Allison was gonna be very very upset because Allison likes to be around on those days ‘coz she just likes to watch, she wasn’t there but I’m like “Oh my god, this is amazing.” So I’m just like “that needs to go here” and he’s like “Hang on.” He goes “that needs to go here?” And I’m like “Yes, do that.” Heimdall just did that. So I’m getting blown and Wonder Woman is just smiling and I’m like “Well Wonder Woman you should like sit on my face while this is happening” and then and that’s starting to begin and like so we just go right for the queer with the capital Q and the U and the EER part was coming real soon.

[Laughing]

Reid: So, so now he’s sucking my dick and it’s amazing and I’m just like but you know like when something’s really great like really great but you’re overcome with just like “no this needs to stop because that needs to go here” and he’s like “Really?” because I think he might have been thinking like “Oh my god I’m getting them to play with me” I’m like “No, no you have…this is you don’t understand. That, needs to go here” and he’s like “Oh” so as he brings it over and it is kind of a two-handed job. All of a sudden I realized there are piercings involved [Inaudible 00:13:29] so I’m like “Wow, how did you get through TSA without all that?” So I’m like okay so automatically and this is just a safety tip, this is a pro tip, Prince Charles piercings, okay? Which are the rings that go through the head of the cock…

Girl: Albert

Reid: The Prince Albert thank you. Okay, sorry…sorry Prince Charles

[Laughing]

Reid: I told you I was bad at names.

[Applause]

Reid: If the person is willing to take them out, have them take them out because on the backstroke that’s how you knock out a tooth, just pro tip right there. So I’m like “Can you take that?” He’s like “absolutely” but then there was like this little barbell on the [Inaudible 00:14:13] and he’s like

Girl: Yes.

Reid: Yes and he’s like and I’m like and he goes to take that and I’m like “No, no, no, no stop. I’ve never given a blowjob to one of the hoes” and he’s like “really?” I’m like “yes” and so he leaves that in so now I’m…now I’m just like I’m filled with this hunger of achievement where I’m like “I wonder, I wonder what my body can do” and so now I’m just kind of going for it and Wonder Woman was like “You go for it” like Wonder Woman was like now do doing the dirty talking

[Laughter]

Reid: I’m like and I’m like “Ngaa! Ngaa!” And I’m like “Ngaa! Ngaa!” And like at the side of my eye  you know like this like this group sex peripheral vision that you have, I’m watching the other couples because remember we’re surrounded by straight couples it looks like and everyone’s kind of like, “What’s going on? I’ve never seen that before.” And I’m like “I’m gonna get it all in there. Ahhhh!”

[Laughter]

Reid: So this is the thing like with me, deep throating for me is like is like the bat phone to my fuck button and it’s like “hello Batman?” I’m like “fuck it.” So now I’m like in this like “Argghh! It must go in my ass!” And he’s like “really?” And I’m like “Yes!” And then Wonder Woman was like “What I’m gonna do? What am I gonna do?” And I’m like “fuck my face” it’s like I’m hulking out of all the holt! Hold fuck and it’s….so Wonder Woman was putting on her strap-on, he’s getting ready and he’s like “Do you want me to work your…” I’m like “I’m ready!” And he…and now this is a sizable piece of equipment to describe it. Have you ever grabbed a banister going down a plane stairs? This is not a joke and you puts your whole hand on it but then there’s like that other piece of wood on the bottom like the the other part, it was like that and he’s like “Are you sure?” And I’m like “Oh, fuck!” So now, and I have a very friendly ass he’s like “Wow!” And I’m like “Nggggg!” And I’m like “Wonder Woman fuck my face!” And she’s like “Uh” now something to know about Wonder Woman, why Wonder Woman is called Wonder Woman is Wonder Woman is like it’s a rainforest with Wonder Woman. So imagine be they…be the straight couple trying to have their little three-way or two way and you see this beautiful man fucking this white guy up yes just like “Nggg!” While this woman is like “Uh, uh” and it is just raining down, raining waterfalls like gush, gush from Wonder Woman and I’m like “Uhhh! Uhhh!” And now I’m so in it and then I need like weight on me and he’s like like lean on me “Uhhh!”  And I’m like “Wonder Woman, sit on my back” and Wonder Woman knows me really well she just goes

[Laughter]

Reid: and I’m like “Uhmmggg!!” She cums so hard, it splashes off my back and it’s like running running down on me. Now, we have put like chucks like basically we did everything we could to save the mattress because we are kind people and as…I mean this literally it’s like I’m being hose down, they’re making out and in his mind he just told this is ladies like “What the fuck? I’ve never seen that happen” because it was hitting my back so hard, it was splashing up on him, right? And I’m like look…I’m like “Ughh!” And I’m looking and there’s….you can see people fucking and the and the all the women were like

[Laughter]

Reid: and there was a couple of guys who were like but there were a bunch of guys just like just trying to keep their erections. So…so we get to a place where we’re dunt, people have cum, we all fucked Wonder Woman, it was and that was a bit like that was how it started but it started with all that and then we’re like “Oh, we’re trying to clean up the mat” and we’re like and we just flip it over and we walk out and as we’re on our way, we’re like and they’re like it was like the staff was like [Clapping] “We’re really sorry about the mattress.” “I know that was totally fine. Don’t worry about that.” And that’s we’re like back across the [Inaudible 00:19:58] we’re like “Bye! Bye everyone.”  And I’m riding home and I’m like “that was awesome” and I kind of felt like Bruce Banner like after the transformation where he’s just kind of stunned and he said “Where are my pants? Where are my pants?” And that was the threesome at Burning Man

[Applause]

Dixie: Reid Mihalko!

[Applause]

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