Do I Deserve To Be Happy?

by Reid on November 6, 2015

Young Couple Having Fun On Beach Holiday TogetherIt can be really challenging when you don’t feel like you deserve happiness. It’s hard to let in the things that would actually allow you feel better about yourself.

Join relationship expert Reid Mihalko from and Cathy Vartuli from as they share advice on what you can do when you don’t feel like you deserve to be happy.

Cathy: Someone wrote in and asked what can I do when I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy?

Reid: Look at Reid’s hair, that’ll fix everything.

Cathy: It’s pretty amusing. This is Reid Mihalko from

Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from

Cathy: It can be really challenging when you don’t feel like you deserve happiness. It’s hard to let in the things that would actually allow you feel better about yourself. What do you recommend to your clients, Reid?

Reid: What about not feeling cared for or loved?

Cathy: Not feeling, I think they deserve to have those things.

Reid: Yeah, get over it. You deserve it. Just call me and I’ll say get over it. Mostly, start by doing nice things for yourself and taking care of yourself which will be challenging but you can do them alone. Pampering, baths, self care like little things that will also help because by doing better self care things, you’ll have more reserves. A lot of people are basically depleted and completely exhausted because they don’t feel like they deserve anything so they’re overextended. Part of what’s making it hard for you to start loving yourself is you’re exhausted.

Cathy: Yes, it’s hard to feel lovable when you’re feeling run down so what we recommend for our clients is to make a list of things and start with really small baby steps. You don’t have to necessarily go for a full day spa, that would be really challenging for someone who didn’t feel like they deserve that. I also realize that most of … I see this a lot with women but I know it happens with everybody. They feel like they have to be good enough and work hard enough and then they’ll finally get to get things that are nice for them.

It really doesn’t work that way because by the time you finally feel like you’ve earned it, especially if you have a low self esteem, you’re usually so depleted that it’s really hard to let it in. Act as if you care about yourself. Act as if you deserve those things and just start doing little things for yourself. Three times a day, it might be just getting glass of water, and be really present while you drink it or telling yourself that you did  good job.

Different things like that can start building up to feeling like maybe I do deserve this and then maybe you can take steps until you’re having more happiness in your life.

Reid: It’s kind of like the idea of like some people think they can’t take vacation until they have enough money in the bank which means they need a huge paycheck to have enough money in the bank but if you save up little by little, a little bit of here, a little bit there every day, you will have enough money to go on vacation which you also might be used for self care.

Cathy: Yes. We’d love to know what you think. Please leave comments below and let us know where your blocks are around happiness or love or intimacy and let us know if this works for you.

Reid: Bye.

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