Yes, No, Maybe In Trying New Things In Bed | Facebook Walk With Reid
Reid: Hello everybody! It is Reid Mihalko from https://reidaboutsex.com/ and I’ve got my I don’t know what color is this? Like shamrock shake green maybe? Sex geek shirt on and it is a somewhat sunset here. And I almost forgot to do our walk today because Allison Moon and I author of http://girlsex101.com/ we went on a walk and it felt weird to go on a walk without without bringing you along. And so I realized that I have to run out and do my walk before it got dark and the.. I just wanna say hello everyone! Yeah. I guess it is kind of a light blue.
So, so the question for today is asking people you know Yes, No, Maybe around trying new things in bed and, and the things that you can run into the problems or the challenges you can run into. One, when you ask people you know would you like to try you know such and such? That can feel very confronting for people who have never considered it before. So they have to think like, “oh well how do I feel about that?” And some people don’t know what to.. to do like they.. They, they’ve never considered it then they don’t know how they feel about it. Do they want to try it? And so one of those things that can be interesting if you want to is, and I’ve talked about these weeks ago in another video like weeks ago around Yes, No, Maybe lists. And some people can feel broken or like something’s wrong if they don’t come up with the answer really quick. So the reason about I’m thinking about with Yes, No’s, Maybe’s is I’m also releasing a free training series where in that free video series, it talks about how we can feel broken. And I don’t believe that anyone is actually broken. I believe that we’re all whole and, and just have whatever life experiences and journeys and set backs or kept hold forward that we have in life but culture for the most part is the thing it’s really fucking us up when it comes to you know am I okay Or my desires worthy? Am I worthy of love? Is my penis too big or too small? Or you know am I too fat? Am I too old? Am I too this? Am I too that? Is my orgasm just comes quickly or doesn’t come at all. Like all these things that culture just leaves us with really crappy role modelling around what’s normal. And what I can tell you from all the sex geeks therapists and counsellors and experts that I hang out with the one thing that we all have in common is that we for the most part, all think that we’re broken. That’s pretty much what normal is these days is that people feel that they’re not doing it right and culture’s not helping us.
That being said Yes, No, Maybe lists can be really helpful to start a conversation about things to give people ideas about what am I into? What does it appeal to me? Or sound titillating? And even if you’re not in a relationship, doing Yes, No, Maybe lists can be really powerful for yourself to start thinking about and having ideas about what kind of sex would you like to try? Or what kind of things would you like to would you like to a do when, when you’re exploring your own sensuality? And if you aren’t a sex geek or nerd, then there’s a really good chance or if you’re dating somebody who is not, there’s a really good chance that they don’t even know what’s possible when it comes to pleasure because culture again gives us really limited ideas on what’s possible and if you’re not Goggling, Google searching the right kind of terms, you kind of running to the same stuff over and over again culturally prescribed ideas of sex. Bad role modelling on the internet and in video.. in porn and things like that. So now we’re coming by all the little dogs we’ll say hi to our little dog friends. Hello my little friend. Hi! So these are just ideas of things to be thinking about. Things to bring up with a, with the people you’re dating, with people that you’re interested in hanging out with. And like even just talking about this kind of stuff with your friends can be super important and useful and empowering.
Last but not the least, the ideas of when you are talking to people about sexuality and relationships, what you’re looking for, is a hell yes for folks when they’re exploring things. I mean we can be an uncertain like I don’t know what the answer is but I’m okay on a yes to exploring and finding out if I’m yes to that activity. Honour people’s no’s when they say no, honour them and reward people like appreciate them and congratulate them for giving you a clear resounding no. Even when you’re disappointed, thank people for taking care of themselves because you want to encourage people over and over again to say no when they are a no because it’s just life is better that way. You don’t want people saying yes when really there are no. And then the grief that sometimes comes up when you know when people are doing things or force themselves to do things that they don’t want to do which brings to change your mind.
Train your friends, your lovers, your communities that it’s okay to change your mind that it’s okay to say yes to something and then five minutes or fifteen minutes or a day later you get the clarity like when you like, “Ohh! I think I, I need to change my mind because my feelings about this have changed.” Teaching people and helping them to change their mind is really, really powerful. Just in life not even just in the bedroom and the, the rule from cuddle party around that is if you’re a maybe, please say no. If you have any hesitation, as to whether you’re a yes, then then what that is, is it’s not a hell yes and what you want people to have a certain kind of certainty or willingness in their yes not the hesitation that’s really a maybe. And so the rule of thumb is if you’re a Maybe you say no. That allows you to create space for yourself so that then you can investigate what you would need to be a Yes. And I’m gonna leave it that today.
If you’re curious about some free online training, go to ReidAbout or actually go to http://sex10x.online.com/ that’ll actually bring you right to the to the sign up page where you can get the free videos. So Sex10XOnline and if you’re having friends who feel broken or unlovable when it comes to sex or like they’re totally bad at sex, then send them the http://sex10x.online.com/ because I.. I’d designed those free videos to kind of uplift and help people realize that we’re not broken. Mostly what we’re suffering from is culture fucking us over and giving us bad messaging not empowering and then most people never got taught great sex education techniques and skill sex. So go check that out from my http://sex10x.online.com/ and hope you’re all great today. And thanks for being a part of this. Bye!