Go, Team Sensuality!
In my last article, I suggested you try new things as a couple to create more sparks in your relationship by rediscovering each other. If you missed it, you can find it here: reidaboutsex.com/bringing-back-the-spark
In this article, I’m going to also recommend that you guys create a team project around sexuality.
Sensual and Erotic
It’s natural for people who’ve been together a long time to think they know each other. The truth is, we are growing and changing constantly, which means there are new things to discover about ourselves AND our partners. Focusing your interest and attention on learning what’s new about your loved ones will often land on them in a warm, fuzzy way. Your curiosity and interest mean you care.
You can super-charge the warm, fuzzies into the hot, lustys by seeking to understanding each other Sensually (Physical turn-on’s) and Erotically (Mental turn-on’s)!
Have a conversation with each other about Sensuality.
- What kinds of sensation do you like?
- What areas on your body are most erotically sensitive?
- What kind of sexual positions turn you on the most?
- What kinds and quality of touch do you enjoy best?
Do you like light touch or firm touch? Stroking versus pulling or tugging? Finger nails lightly, being man-handled roughly, or just the finger tips… Hair pulling versus run one’s fingers through your hair, or no hair touching at all? How do these things change as you get more turned on? (Sex Geeky factoid: Many people like lighter, gentler touch at first, and then want more forceful sensation as they grow MORE excited and passionate.)
And then have a conversation about what thoughts and scenarios turn you on Erotically.
- What kinds of thoughts and ideas in your brain get you all juiced up and titillated?
- Are there certain scenarios and roles that push your naughty buttons?
- Dirty talk, perhaps? If so, which words and phrases?
- Do you like the idea of submitting or being in charge?
- Serving or being served?
- Fantasizing about a 3-some or a stranger?
You may never actually want to do some or any of these, but the idea of them gets you ramped up. As long as you and your partner know the difference between what you want to do or try, and the things that are just great stories, sharing and using such information can go a long way to turning up the heat in bed!
Map It Out
Take some time with your partner and write down some things that turn you on sensually (physically) and erotically (mentally). I suggest you both write a list for each and then pick a few, top turn-on’s and share them. Make your mini-team project mapping out what feels great physically, and what fantasies and thoughts turn your brain on. Make sure your partner knows what you might like to try, and what’s fantasy only! (Sex Geek Tip: Fantasy only material is usually ripe for dirty talk and sexy text messages! Have fun!)
And then pick out your top three turn-ons for each: erotically, and sensation wise… and try weaving them together. Combining sensual AND erotic stimulation often leads to a night to remember!
Example 1: Sensation doesn’t just have to be touch. It can be your senses. Maybe it’s being in a hot bath with candle light that gets you out of your day-to-day, 9-5 work mode and into those sensations turn you on.
Maybe what turns you on erotically about bath and candles is that your partner drew you the bath and lit the candles… Them being of service, caring enough and being thoughtful gets you thinking about what you’d like to do in return… The sensual side could be the warm water lapping at your thighs, the scent of the bath bubbles, and candles flickering in the low light. As your senses tune in, your body starts to come alive!
If your partner knows these things about you and how combining them might affect your mood and desires, you may come home one night to a hot bath and candles, AND you both get to enjoy the possible side effects!
Example 2: I know your body opens up if I pour you a bath and light some candles… AND I know your mind opens up if I tell you we’re going to wrestle after your bath, and that, if you win, you get to do whatever you want to me. And, of course, if I win, I get to do whatever I want to you. So, while you’re at work, I text you exactly that to give you time to think yourself into a frenzy, and when you get home, the bath is steaming beneath the bubbles, the candles are glowing… And as I guide you to the bathroom, you see a bottle of oil ready for the wrestling match and a new shopping bag beside the bed with some intriguing playthings peeking out…
The idea of the wrestling gets your mind erotically worked up while the bath gets you relaxed and into the sensuality of your senses. Take the time to figure out what YOUR sensual and erotic turn-ons are. Share them with your loved ones so you know what theirs are… Then combine the sensual and the erotic on a regular basis! Sex Geeky Bonus Points to those of you who can combine BOTH yours and theirs!
What do you think? What turns you on? Leave in your comments on Facebook:
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
“What areas on your body are most erroneously sensitive?”
Um…ticklish spots that someone else thought were sensitive but aren’t?
Might that be…erotically sensitive? ; )