Poly And Worried What Other People Will Think When You’re Out On A Date?

by Reid on June 11, 2016

holidays, vacation, travel and tourism concept - group of friendIf you’re poly you might worry what a co-worker or friend might think if they see you out on a date.

Tips and ideas from Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Reid: Road trip YouTube videos. What are we talking about today Cathy Vartuli of TheIntimacyDojo.com?

Cathy: Dot com.

Reid: Dot com.

Cathy: And Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.

We’re talking about poly. Someone wrote in and said, “I’m poly, but I’m afraid of what other people will think. I’m afraid someone from work or a friend will see me or my partner out with another date, and that they’ll think from that we’re cheating. I feel ashamed of that. What can I do?”

Reid: Don’t ever leave the house. If you’re polyamorous, this is a privacy question. You’re ashamed, because … Or for whatever reasons. You’re allowed to have your privacy. It’s nobody else’s business. However, if you are concerned about your reputation, or your job.

Cathy: Or your status.

Reid: Or your children, or something like that, because people that know you will see you out with other people being intimate and affectionate. I mean the simple solution is go have your dates somewhere away from where you live. Do that, and just don’t worry about it. You’re allowed to not … You don’t have to tell everybody that you’re poly. It’s none of their business. That’s the easy way to do it.

Or just kind of minimize how you’re doing your affection when you’re out in public, if you’re really worried about reputations and stuff like that.

The other side of it is, in my opinion, don’t be ashamed.

Cathy: Just don’t be ashamed.

Reid: You can feel abundance issues, like “Oh, my God, I don’t deserve to have all of this love and affection, and to live my life the way that I want to live,” but if you’re afraid you’re going to make other people feel uncomfortable, then tell the main people in your life that you care about that you’re in an open relationship, if that’s appropriate, so that if they do hear through the grapevine, they’re like, “Oh, yeah, yeah. So and so is in an open relationship. We already knew about that.”

Cathy: Yeah. One other thing that I found is useful is say I see someone out and about, and I’m with someone that they don’t recognize as my partner, I can introduce them, and mention something about my partner in front of them, so that they know that there’s not a hidden thing about it.

Reid: That’s good. Yeah.

Cathy: Or if I see them and I don’t get a chance to talk then, I could say … Maybe Monday morning at work I could go up to them and say, “Hey, I saw you out. Too bad we didn’t get to say hi. I would have liked to introduce my friend. I know you’ve met my partner, but this is another friend,” or something. Just letting them know that there’s nothing secretive or bad going on.

Reid: Yeah. Because when you get weird, other people think something’s weird.

Cathy: Yeah. The last thing to think about is most people aren’t thinking about you at all. They’re thinking about themselves, so probably a lot of people aren’t thinking, “They’re cheating,” or, “Something’s going on.” They’re thinking about, “Oh, my God. They saw me in those ugly sweatpants,” or, “I was with someone I shouldn’t have been with.” If you can relax a little bit there that can let go of some of shame sometimes.

Reid: Let us know what you think about this information.

Cathy: If you have any suggestions, we’d love to hear them. Leave them in the comments below, and subscribe to this channel.

Reid: Bye.

Cathy: Are we rocking out?

Reid: We don’t know what’s playing.

Cathy: I know.

Reid: Oh, yeah.

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